Washington Wizards » ihatelebronjames.com

LeBron James’ trademark move is…the TRAVEL!…err…the CRAB DRIBBLE!

...and crying, of course. And charging.

It happened. LeBron was finally called for a frame-by-frame recreation of The Travel. And against the poor Washington Wizards of all teams – LeBron’s original victims. Amazing. The NBA’s officiating is in such a sorry state that it is nearly impossible for anyone to believe that LeBron could actually be whistled for traveling, even when it is the most painfully obvious example of traveling possible (I’ll get to that later). So unbelievable that when he is called out, it becomes a major media event. Check out Caron Butler’s reaction after the game: It’s a travel. It was the exact same move two years ago in the playoffs. I definitely knew he traveled, but I didn’t think they were gonna call it…But that was one of them situations in which a great player made a move, good officiation, and they called the call. And I was just like, ‘Aw, man. There is a God. There is a God.’

That a professional basketball player could have such an extreme reaction to this whole crab dribble travel call episode really says it all. Caron Butler evidently feels that it requires some kind of divine intervention in order for LeBron to be correctly charged with a traveling violation. Or, at the very least, that such a call constitutes proof of the existence of GOD.

Of course, this was a meaningless game, and a pretty safe game for the refs to have grown a conscience. LeBron has been pulling this shit in the playoffs for years. If a playoff game is close in the fourth quarter, the crab is guaranteed to make an appearance or two. Or twelve. I bet that won’t change this year or ever.

Anyway, back to the story…as with most King James fiascos, LeBron’s obnoxious reaction is more than half the fun. How pathetic is it that LeBron has the nerve to 1. complain to the refs about such a valid call (including a re-enactment to the ref during the game – where was the tech!?), 2. claim that even after he had seen the tape in the locker room that it was still not a travel and then 3. be so bold as to go in front of the media and bitch about it knowing full well that he has won entire playoffs series on no-calls from the same move. Answer: it is quite pathetic. And he kept bitching about it the day after the game, after having the benefit of watching it replayed on sportscenter 600 times:

On Sunday, James said it was a “bad call” and that “they need to look at it and they need to understand that’s not a travel.” In giving his take on what happened, James said: “I watched it again, and I took a ‘crab dribble,’ which is a hesitation dribble, and then two steps.”

Ugh. LeBron must honestly believe that he can do no wrong.

Unfortunately, apart from racking up a meaningless loss against a non-contender, LeBron came away from this episode completely unscathed, as usual - he wasn’t given a tech for complaining directly to the ref (Oh, I’m sorry – explaining to the ref) and he wasn’t fined for repeatedly and directly criticizing the officiating after the game (are they going to return Eddie Jordan’s $25K for complaining about a no-call on the very same move back in 2006?).

One more item of note – the valiant Mr. Potato Head made a point to get thrown out of the game arguing a charging foul called on LeBron (LeBron’s other signature move). He couldn’t just sit by and watch LeBron being so blatantly subjected to the rules of basketball for an entire game. The officiating was just so terribly fair that night, apparently.

Because Mr. Potato Head and many reporters are apparently retarded and because LeBron apparently has some psychological condition that prevents him from viewing rapidly moving images on a television screen and processing them properly in his LeBrain, let’s break this shit down, frame-by-frame, by using youtube and the offical NBA rulebook. And Jalen Rose.

First, the rule:

Section XIV-Traveling
a. A player who receives the ball while standing still may pivot, using either foot as the pivot foot.
b. A player who receives the ball while he is progressing or upon completion of a dribble, may use a two-count rhythm in coming to a stop, passing or shooting the ball.
The first count occurs:
(1) As he receives the ball, if either foot is touching the floor at the time he receives it.
(2) As the foot touches the floor, or as both feet touch the floor simultaneously after he receives the ball, if both feet are off the floor when he receives it.
The second occurs:
(1) After the count of one when either foot touches the floor, or both feet touch the floor simultaneously.
c. A player who comes to a stop on the count of one may pivot, using either foot as the pivot foot.
d. A player who comes to a stop on the count of two, with one foot in advance of the other, may pivot using only the rear foot as the pivot foot.
e. A player who comes to a stop on the count of two, with neither foot in advance of the other, may use either foot as the pivot foot.
f. In starting a dribble after (1) receiving the ball while standing still, or (2) coming to a legal stop, the ball must be out of the player’s hand before the pivot foot is raised off the floor.
g. If a player, with the ball in his possession, raises his pivot foot off the floor, he must pass or shoot before his pivot foot returns to the floor. If he drops the ball while in the air, he may not be the first to touch the ball.
h. A player who falls to the floor while holding the ball, or while coming to a stop, may not gain an advantage by sliding.
i. A player who attempts a field goal may not be the first to touch the ball if it fails to touch the backboard, basket ring or another player.
PENALTY: Loss of ball. The ball is awarded to the opposing team at the sideline, nearest spot of the violation but no nearer the baseline than the foul line extended.

Okay – so the NBA rulebook isn’t as crystal-clear as it could be. However, after much difficulty, it is possible to translate this strangely-worded crap and come away with the fact that you get TWO STEPS after picking up your dribble in most situations. I think. Anyway – let’s assume two. It’s certainly not more than two, in any situation, obviously.

On to the visual evidence and Jalen Rose (hope they don’t pull this video down):

Wow – I think that may have actually been five steps.

Also, the feud kinda lives. Injured DeShawn Steven was apparently taunting from the sidelines in a ridiculous purple velvet suit and bowtie. I would have loved to have heard what kind of vicious trash talk DeShawn Stevenson was dishing out immediately following that travel call. Of course, LeBron refused to participate in the back-and-forth because he is above all that. And because he couldn’t say a damn thing.

Suck. It. LeBron.

The Feud

Alright. I’m sick of the feud, you’re sick of the feud. However, for the sake of completeness, I’m going to provide one last round of updates.

First, I found the actual audio of the Jay Z’s lame Wizards-bashing song.

Not that I’m a rap aficionado, but I can confidently say this some corny crap (refrain is “blow the whistle” followed by cheesy whistle sound effect).

In the first few lines, Jay Z, like LeBron, completely fails to grasp the irony of saying crap like:

Ask my [buddy] LeBron, so big we ain’t gotta respond.

When you’re talking to a don, please respect like you’re talking to your mom

Dude, you can’t say “I am not going to bother responding to you,” proceed to write a song, go through the trouble of driving to the studio and recording an entire track complete with goofy sound effects, and then include a lyric of “I am not going to bother reponding to you” in that very same song. It’s self-contradictory. Whatever, I’ve beat this dead horse, so I’ll move on. After that, the lyrics just get downright strange:

Who the fuck is overrated?

If anything they underpaid him

Hate and [some shit I can't make out] gonna make him

Spend a night outta spite with the chick you’ve been dating

Whaaa!? Guess Stevenson better watch his chick around LeBron. Or something like that. Weird. Seriously?

Of course Jay Z opens with some crap about Brooklyn this and that. Obvious hint or what?

Okay, so now we have the Jay Z rap covered. Last item of business – I actually found the quote from DeShawn Stevenson describing the origin of the feud (from Scoop Jackson at espn.com):

“[LeBron] said something about my game. He said I’m getting a lot of hype this year, that he doesn’t think I’m the good player I am and basically that I suck, our team sucks and we’re not going anywhere. I took offense to that,” Stevenson was quoted as saying in The New York Times. “If LeBron James never said that comment, we wouldn’t have the rivalry we have right now.”

Okay, that’s it. I hope.

Haywood on LeBron: “waaaaah, waaaaah”

“Awww,” Haywood said in a whiny, high-pitched voice to mock James. “They are trying to hurt me.”

Haywood, who was called for a flagrant-two foul and ejected from Game 2 after shoving James, believes it’s time for Cleveland’s superstar to stop complaining.

“I mean, come on man, this is the playoffs,” Haywood said following Monday’s practice. “He wears 23, he wants to be Michael Jordan, I can respect that, he’s a great player. You saw what Mike went through. Mike got fouled way worse than this. No one is trying to hurt him, everybody is trying to play basketball, trying to play tough. Play basketball and leave it alone.”

You see plenty of LeBron’s whining by watching the broadcast of any Cavs game, even with the TV announcers shamelessly refusing to comment on it. It’s apparent to anyone paying attention. That having been said, I’m sure Brendan Haywood witnesses three times as much additional LeBron whining when he’s on the court. He’s able to see and hear every groan, complaint, and incredulous facial expression the camera misses. So, whatever impression we have of LeBron’s crybaby BS is clearly only the tip of the iceberg.

What I’m saying is this – Haywood knows. In fact, seeing as how he has been thrown out of a game as a direct result of the cumulative effect of LeBron’s whining, has been leg-humped by LeBron, and has narrowly dodged a punch to the nutsack thrown by LeBron, he’s the most credible source available on the matter.

Of course, this article rushes to LeBron’s defense and leaves the impression that he is demonstrating remarkable poise and perseverance in the face of such vicious attacks and insults. The article provides some good quotes, but the rest of the article’s editorializing is pure party-line bullshit, even referring to LeBron as “King James.” It is interesting to note that this is an AP article, which you would think would be a little more objectively written.

If I wasn’t lazy as hell, I’d photoshop a picture of LeBron’s face superimposed on the body of a crying baby right here. But I am lazy…and it’s a little too obvious.

Throat slash fine for Stevenson

Wow! Right on cue! Thanks for validating the shit that I just finished typing about you, David Stern. So, Stevenson is fined for a throat slash gesture towards the Cavaliers bench, huh? Funny, there is a COMPLETELY IDENTICAL situation in which LeBron did the SAME THING to the Wizard’s bench in a past Wizards/Cavs playoff series and, IMAGINE THAT, NO FINE. No foul, no tech, no nothing.

Seriously. For the love of fuck, this is ridiculous. The NBA is making it easy for me.

This is apples to apples, people. If this doesn’t constitute absolute proof of shameless LeBron favoritism at the highest levels of the NBA, I don’t know what does.

Let me talk to David…there has to be some kind of mistake. Do you know who I am?

UPDATE: Damon Jones also did the throat slash gesture and didn’t get fined.

Damon Jones is a douche

Could I be any more of a douchebag without hanging out with the famous internet Heineken guidos? Nope.

The Great Jay-Z Enters the Ring

This shit is so played-out that the New Republic is writing about it.

I’m sick and tired of this LeBron/Stevenson BS already. Most of all, I am sick of hearing the TV announcers repeat that shit over and over. It has gotten so bad that the network produced graphic overlays to explain the whole thing to the viewers during game four. Please, cut that shit out. When a couple of crackerjack TV announcers are explaining some rapper shit to you, it loses whatever mystique and coolness it might have had at that very instant.

So, to summarize – some DJ in a DC club played an anti-Wizards song from Jay Z prior to Sunday’s game. Butler, who was the only Wizard to attend the party, felt slighted and left the party, rather than beat somebody up.

First off, that moron DJ needs to check himself before he finds himself spinning tiny-bopper hits in some Clevaland shithole or floating face down in the Anacostia. Hometown loyalty, asshole. Second, Jay Z pretty much undermined the whole “I’m too good to respond to insults from lesser chumps” argument by recording that dumb song, now didn’t he?

A Village Voice blog entry sums up this nonsense better than I can, and gets to the essential core of Jay Z’s involvement in this whole fiasco:

Ah: To make this relevant to your life, Jay-Z is probably siding with Lebron here because he aims to woo the guy from Cleveland to Brooklyn in a couple years, just in time to join the relocated Nets, who will play in a fancy new arena whose construction will probably involve bulldozing your apartment.

Uh…yup. I’l leave it at that.

Worst Playoff Loss in Cavs History

Wow. A 36 point blowout. Worst in Cavaliers history, apparently. And the Wizards didn’t need to victimize LeBron with hard fouls, elbow anybody in the face, or entice the refs to throw out the Cav’s best big man to make it happen. Best of all, Soulja Boy was there to see the whole thing. Sadly, LeBron’s good friend Jay Z was not able to make the game.

Best part of the game apart from Stevenson lighting it up? Caron Butler ripping the ball out of LeBron’s hands, running the length of the floor, and dunking. Oh yeah, the constant booing every time LeBron touched the ball and the chants of “overrated!” when LeBron went to the foul line late in the game were also pretty satisfying.

LeBron saw quite a bit of this tonight:

DeShawn Stevenson - suck it LeBron

I can’t feel my face!

Getting blown out in franchise record-breaking fashion – another fine addition to the ever-growing list of LeBron’s accomplishements.

A Shining Beacon of Truth

Tom Knott of the Washington Times: shining beacon of truth, real American hero.

As horrifying as the reality of this annual LeBron James playoff nightmare may be, there is at least one sportswriter who is willing to speak the truth. One free-thinking champion willing to rage against the shreaking horde of glassy-eyed sportscenter zombies, Stephen A. Smith-style jerkfaces, repetitive-ass analysists, and catch phrase-pandering television announcers: Tom Knott of the Washington Times. God bless you, sir. You are my hero.

I imagine that poor Tom has finally gotten to the point where he simply can’t take the shameless LeBron nonsense anymore. Covering the Wizards for the Washington Times and watching the same shit go down for three years in a row has to be beyond painful. After game 1, he probably found himself at the same point I found myself two years ago when I was actually motivated enough to start up this dumb site. Tom matter-of-factly just puts it all out there in his column. Clearly, he has stopped trying to be a “good” sportswriter of the Michael Wilbon mold. I linked his two articles below. Read them. Then read some pro-Cavs articles from the Cleveland rag of your choice. Then compare both types of articles to ESPN or SI articles. Hmmm, funny how close the “objective” sports media outlets are to Cavs-centric hacks. And it’s not like Tom Knott’s columns are fueled by a blind love for the Wizards. He pulls no punches when it comes to trashing the Wizards for their crappy play in both articles.

So – here are the articles, read them for yourself (if the links have expired, just google “Tom Knott” and the name of the article):

LeBron should go back to class (April 20)

Oh, these foul forces of evil (April 23)

First, Tom Knott calls out LeBron for that bullshit elbow from game 1. He brazenly suggests that…gasp…LeBron should be suspended for elbowing some guy in the face. Imagine that! So outrageous and controversial!

LeBron James should be suspended from Game 2 after being unable to control his inner bully yesterday.

James deposited an elbow in the face of Andray Blatche with 11 seconds left in the first quarter. He then twice threatened to drop an elbow on Brendan Haywood, first to his groin region and then to his face, after the two became tangled near the end of the first half.

In the second article, Knott focuses on Mike Brown’s ridiculous argument that LeBron is a hopeless victim of a Washington Wizards’ evil campaign of ultra-violence:

Brown said: “Washington has come out and said, ‘Hey, they’re going to hit LeBron. They’re going to hit LeBron. They’re going to hit LeBron.’ You can’t have grown men saying, ‘I’m going to go hit somebody.’ If that’s the case, we, the NBA and the officials cannot allow anything to get out of hand, and they have to keep control over the game on both sides.”

It also should be pointed out that the best blow delivered in the series so far was the one James administered to Andray Blatche in Game 1. It was a James-inspired forearm to Blatche’s jaw that the three referees apparently missed, just as they miss the hop, skip and jump that James sometimes employs on his way to the basket.

Most importantly, Knott says what everybody knows, but nobody says…that the league tacitly (or possibly actively) encourages calls consistently favorable to LeBron:

This is not to endorse the notion the referees are persuaded by Brown’s fantasy [that the Wizards are violent thugs out to get King James].

They are persuaded by the dictates of the league office, which in turn is persuaded by the marketing power of James.

So he is not the Chosen One. He is the Bubble Player.

And woe to the player who karate chops his head in the manner of Anderson Varejao taking down Blatche in Game 2.

I have a little warning for Cleveland fans: you worship LeBron James now, but you have created a monster. Precisely the kind of monster who would bail on his home team for more money, more glory, more whatever. He already roots for the Yankees at an Indians playoff game, you idiots. The more you encourage LeBron’s bullshit now, the more it will grow like a weed, and the harder it will be to stomach when he turns on you. What are you going to do when LeBron shows up at Quicken Loans Arena wearing a Knicks jersey? What are you going to do when he elbows a Cavs player in the face? What are you going to do when eliminates the Cavs form the playoffs with a charge and a travel in the final seconds of game 7? Shamelessly root for this asshole at your own peril, morons.

Oh yeah, it gets worse…

So now Wizards are actually getting ejected for hard fouls on LeBron – fouls that are actually less violent than fouls committed on Wizards in the very same game (Varejao clotheslining Blatche in mid-air, some other Cavs dude wrecking Antonio Daniels mid-air, etc.). The Varejao foul was a flagrant 1. The foul on Antonio Daniels was just a regular blocking foul, I think. But Brendan Haywood grabbing LeBron’s midsection mid-air – flagrant 2, instant ejection. Immediate talk of a suspension. Come on.

Caron Butler actually got called for a hand-checking foul on LeBron well after the game was completely out of reach (20+ points!). Watch it. It’s a joke. Much like the elbow, there’s no justifying this shit. Reggie Miller came *this* close to calling out the refs multiple times without actually going through with it. I know he wanted to, but he probably felt the collar around his neck tighten threateningly and had to back off. So he had to resort to the mildest possible “one could make the case that” type of innocuous bullshit comments. He pussed out, basically. Still, you could tell what he wanted to say, and that is something.

Son of a bitch. I don’t know how you Cavs fans live with yourselves and take pride in these wins.

ElBron James

Here we go again. Again. Again. Again. Again, again, again. Again and again and yet again. The Wizards are living and reliving the same torturous hell for the third year running. Groundhog day combined with the twilight zone and a Nike commercial, narrated by the world’s most annoying PA announcer.

What do we have here? Let’s see:

LeBron throwing elbows in the playoffs with impunity:

LeBron shamelessly whining, retaliating, crying, and bullying:

Mike Brown being a completely hypocritical doofus:

TV announcers constantly making excuses for LeBron the moment it appears he is faltering (“he has a bad back”), ignoring his unconscionable turnovers and vicious fouls, praising him to the high heavens the moment he does anything good:

Outrageous travelling: superfucking

And, of course, refs shamelessly applying one set of rules for the Cavs, and an entirely different set of rules for the Wizards:

To use a clearcut example of this bullshit from game 1, and one that is clearly documented on film and not at all debatable, I will contrast Andre Blatche’s rough foul on LeBron with LeBron’s retaliatory elbow and the reaction from the refs in both cases.

Blatche’s hard foul was probably intentionally aimed at LeBron and not at the ball. I’ll assume that for the sake of argument. Blatche’s blocking arm definitely whacked LeBron on the shoudler/neck/chest area. It happened during the course of a block while LeBron was driving to the basket – certainly a routine play on the ball and a common occurence in the NBA, playoffs or not. Blatche is called for the foul. Totally reasonable as it was clearly a foul. LeBron tears up a little, as is pretty standard, and throws a hissy fit. Whatever. Normal stuff.

But what happens next is absolutley amazing.

A few minutes later, LeBron is fouled close to the basket and a defensive foul is called. I think it was a reach-in or something. Immediately after the whistle, LeBron, who is facing Blatch at this point, basically winds up and delivers an elbow directly to Blatche’s face. Not the Bill Lambeer kind of elbow you throw when you’re backing someone down, either. LeBron was facing Blatche. He had to extend his arm forward and reach out and up towards Blatche to pull off this elbow. It was an attack, basically. Reaction from the refs: nothing. No tech, no verbal reprimand. Not even a disapproving stare.

That actually happened. Watch it for yourself. Now consider this: if DeShawn Stevenson delivered a dirty elbow to LeBron’s ugly mug, the NBA would have Stevenson sewing up LeBron James signature New York Yankees Tribute Nikes in Taiwan in the blink of an eye. NO reasonable person can possible come to LeBron’s defense in this situation. Asshole Cavs fans, yes. Reasonable, sensible human beings, no. As has been demonstrated many, many times, LeBron is a total jerk. Like a teenage kid running wild without a father figure to lower the boom when appropriate, LeBron has been so spoiled and coddled by the ineffective parenting of the NBA, that he is now officially (and predictably) an out-of-control monster.

Blatche’s reaction to an elbow smashing into his face: he slowly leans back, makes a funny “are you fucking serious?” kind of face, and just lets it go.

LeBron’s reaction: Honestly, I have no idea, as I was seeing red, jumping up and down, and pouring myself another bourbon within two milleseconds. Bet it was some taunting bullshit.

Mike Brown’s reaction: “I don’t know if he did it or not,” or some other such obvious bullshit. Really? Because you have the game tape, TNT has the game tape, sportscenter has the game tape, and youtube has the gametape. And you were there, probably less than 25 feet away. And since you are the coach, and LeBron had the ball at the time, I’m guessing you were watching.

So, let’s recap: LeBron, hard-fouled in a playoff game, enraged that a lesser player would dare to foul him in such a manner in a playoff game, is completely unable to maintain his cool – even minutes later – and smashes the opposing player in the face. In start contrast, Blatche, who came to the NBA right out of highschool, was shot in the hand during a carjacking during his rookie year, and got busted by the cops soliciting a prostitute the following year, is somehow mature enough to keep his cool when the biggest asshole he’s ever played against delivers a power elbow to his face.

Of course, in addition to all of this, there was the bullshit fight LeBron started with Brendan Haywood. Result: two Wizards technicals (Haywood and Jamison), only one for the Cavs (LeBron).

I’m not even going to get into the ridiculous charges and travels LeBron gets away with, because it’s just plain obvious.

The TV announcers’ talking points during the game (hand delivered by David Stern, no doubt):

- LeBron struggles through hard fouls, a back injury, and personal insults, carrying an incompetent group of bumbling clowns to VICTORY!
- King James is awesome
- Th Chosen One is Jordanesque
- The Wizards are jerks, Gilbert Arenas is a jerk, DeShawn Stevenson is a jerk
- LeBron is *NOT* overrated, in fact, he is *underrated* (one of the TV announcers actually said this during the game, by the way)

Reality:

- LeBron is a big jerk and a cheater
- LeBron pouts and throws temper tantrums like a two year-old when he doesn’t get his way
- LeBron cries/tears up a lot on the court
- LeBron is not even remotely Jordanesque, as Jordan was a six-time finals MVP
- LeBron, since I’m pretty sure he isn’t the real king of anything or an actual god, is obviously overrated

I will demonstrate true cosmic reality of LeBron’s existence with a simple mathematical equation:

LeBron + Nike + NBA + pussy-ass sycophant announcers + LeBron-coddling zebras + money + ESPN = heaping helpings of intolerable bullshit.

Also, I would like say a few things about the DeShawn Stevenson/LeBron fued the announcers kept harping on every five or six seconds.

First, DeShawn Stevenson was reacting to something LeBron said about him as relayed by Drew Gooden. So LeBron started it. Of course, this is glossed over.

Second, LeBron’s comeback is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. To summarize (and paraphrase, cause I don’t feel like looking this crap up):

DeShawn Stevenson: “LeBron is overrated”

LeBron, when asked about what he would like to say to Stevenson: “I don’t respond to personal attacks. It would be like if some awesome rapper (Jay Z) were to respond to an insult by some lesser-known rapper (Soulja Boy).”

Okay, do you notice anything wrong with this nonsense? First of all, LeBron tries to claim that he’s above all this personal insult crap, when in fact he was the one that started it all. But here is where LeBron looks like a total goat – what LeBron told that reporter was a response to Stevenson, so he contradicts himself right off the bat. Apparently he’s not too good to respond to Stevenson. Not only that, it contained an insult (“I’m so much better than Stevenson that I can’t even honor him with a retort”). Irony, doofus. EYE-RUN-EE.

Of course, nobody called him out on his faulty logic or the absurdity of the whole situation. Instead, they chose to spin it as “look how mature young LeBron is!” I don’t completely blame them for letting it go, however…you never know when LeBron might smash his massive and powerful forearm directly into your face.