Tag Archives: Olympics

LeBron’s Olympic DREAM TEAM

7 Aug

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…HUH…WHUUUH?…oh hey there. Sorry, I was sleeping because TV (the only thing to do anymore) has been ruined by this thing called Olympics. Fortunately, it has not been completed ruined.  Although I was under the impression that this Olympics thing was just a bunch of grown men engaging in competitive water-splashing, I recently learned that a few actual ballgames are included. And wouldn’t you know it, McDonald’s All-American LeBron James made the USA men’s team for basketball! So far, LeBron James and Team USA have conquered all foreign enemies (which is totally good for American democracy *AND* democracy all around the world).

It hasn’t been perfectly smooth sailing – Team USA (or more accurately, the “Dream Team”) almost lost this one time, but not quite. Phew. Good thing LeBron is awesome at Olympics. Not as awesome as the international basketball superstar known as “L. Kleiza,” who scored 5 more points than LeBron, but awesome enough. Granted, L. Kleiza had the advantage of going up against the Dream Team’s sub-par defense and LeBron had to go up against Lithuania’s famous “Iron Curtain” defense. That’s probably why LeBron had zero assists.

I fully expect the Miami Heat to make a serious push for L. Kleiza this off-season…

Better than LeBron



LeBron still unsure if genocide is bad…somehow

15 Aug

If you’ll remember, way back when Darfur first starting making the news, LeBron refused to sign one of his teammate’s Darfur petition because he wanted to “do more research” on the topic or some other such bullshit.  When all was said and done, it was pretty significant PR fiasco and LeBron was left with quite a bit of egg on his face.  And deservedly so.  He didn’t sign the petition.

Fast forward a year to the 2008 Olympics in Bejing.  Apparently, a year was simply not enough time for LeBron to properly research the issue and decide that Darfur genocide was unquestionably a bad thing, because he just couldn’t bring himself to condemn genocide during the Olympics.  He never did sign his teammate’s petition, either.  And when a group of over one hundred athletes decided to stage an organized protest during the Olympics, LeBron was conspicuously absent, despite the fact that he had earlier promised in a public statement that he would later issue some kind of…er…future public statment statement with, uh, some guys, or, err…something.

Could it be any more plainly obvious that concerns over Nike’s mega-money dominate LeBron’s every decision?  He couldn’t and wouldn’t even condemn GENOCIDE, the worst evil perpetrated by man, even though it had already given him a massive PR black eye once before, even though he was already in the public eye to respond, and even though hundreds of other athletes joined together in a public protest during an Olympics where he was probably the biggest draw behind Michael Phelps and Chinese NBA stars.

Since LeBron proably isn’t pure evil, there has to be something more going on here.  That something is pretty obvious.  So let’s explore why LeBron couldn’t bring himself to condemn something as atrocious as genocide by playing a little game of connect-the-dots:

LeBron receives what probably amounts to hundreds of millions of dollars from Nike.

Nike makes millions of pairs of shoes in China and other parts of China-dominated Asia, paying workers an unconscionable $1.75 per day (selling shoes for $150 that cost less than $5 to produce).

China runs on Sudanese oil (it imports 70% of Sudan’s total oil exports) and provides the genocide-condoning Sudanese government with diplomatic protection and arms, and is the chief investor in government-sanctioned business dealings in Sudan.

So, if that’s too complicated for you – I’ll break it down a little bit more: LeBron can’t say one bad thing about the Darfur genocide/Sudan in fear of angering his evil master’s evil master.  It’s all about getting the money for LeBron.


Try and defend this, King James worshippers.  You can’t.  It’s absolutley, unbelievably, ridiculously indefensible (although Michael Wilbon tried – good work, asshole).


NYC, All-Nike Team, Fines, Flops, Refs

4 Jul

Suck on this obviously choreographed LeBron/NYC photo op, Cavs fans. Wow. More on this later.

A couple of stories I’ve missed because I’ve been taking my usual post-playoffs break from LeBullshit:

First up – Tim Donaghy and game fixing. Ah, the Donaghy scandal(s). When Donoughy got busted, it demonstrated as a matter of fact that all-powerful NBA refs are capable of massive sleazebaggery. It was pretty shocking, but the scandal was successfully contained by the NBA and we were led to believe that the whole fiasco extended to a crazy rogue ref and affected a couple of inconsequential games.

Then Donaghy pulled a full-on Jose Canseco and the issue was no longer containable. According to Donaghy, an inner-circle of sycophantic refs working in cahoots with league goons created an atmosphere in which star players were not called for technical fouls (LeBitching at refs without punishment, LeBron’s famous LeElbows, etc.) and that bogus calls/no-calls (“the travel” anyone?) were made to force TV-friendly matchups, game sevens, and to prop up popular stars in the league. Think about the Celtics/Cavs series – how many games did LeBron play like absolute trash (see previous posts), and still wind up taking 20 free throws, keeping the Cavs in the game and therefore in the series? The answer is…surprise…almost every game in the series.

Donaghy and Mike Brown cheating and stuff

[Way too easy. See the internet for *tons* of hilarious captions.]

Predicatably, ESPNBAvid $tern stonewalled (and still stonewalls) on this issue. This is how I see it – nine times out of ten, this pleading the fifth bullshit is basically an admission of guilt. Any reasonable person can see that this crap is happening on a regular basis or, at the very least, that the existence of game fixing is very likely and warrants serious investigation. Jeff van Gundy, Phil Jackson, and a slew of other coaches and players are on record agreeing with Donaghy’s accusations.

On to a tengentially related ref story – the NBA announced that it will begin fining floppers next season. At first, I thought this would be a good thing, because it would stop LeBron from doing things like pretending he was poked in the eye when he wasn’t and putting flagrant fouls on opposing players. I was totally psyched about it. Then I thought about it for about ten seconds and realized that the league will never do anything to fuck LeBron over. So, sadly, I concluded that the new rules will actually make opposing players more afraid of taking charges from LeBron, which is basically the only thing a defender can do to stop LeBron, since if you actually try to block his shots or steal the ball you are automatically called for a foul. Plus, LeBron clearly doesn’t give a crap about fines since he is, uh, kind of rich. Very, very depressing development. Ugh.

Next up – NYC. See the LeBron/Statue of Liberty picture. The whole LeBron to NY story has gone from conjecture to pretty much a foregone conclusion and I love it. Poor, poor Clevelanders. Trade him now and get some value.

Finally, on to the US All-Nike Olympic team. Yeah – so the Coach K’s US Olympic team is made up of all Nike-sponsored players except for Dwight Howard (Adidas). That’s just fantastic. Looks like Gilbert was on to something when he said that it appeared the roster was set before tryouts. Apparently unconcerned about keeping up appearances, Nike promptly announced a documentary series about the team’s road back to the Olympics to air on ESPN.

For you conspiracy buffs out there, I’ll leave you with Nike’s official team photo. Notice that Dwight Howard is covering up the Nike swoosh on his shorts. Most importantly, notice that a freakishly enormous rat has been dressed in human clothing and posed in a sitting position, blocking Dwight Howard’s Adidas shoes. Hmmm…

USA All-Nike Team