Tag Archives: LeBron Humiliated

LeBron’s little pussy gets 4th quarter menstrual cramps

20 Jun

UPDATE: A bunch of NHL players agree with me that LeBron is an embarrassment to all of professional sports (from the twitters):

• Scott Valentine, a defenseman in the Predators’ system: “Oh my god guys, Lebron has a cramp, everyone get on their feet, standing O for somehow staying in the game.”

• Jets right wing Blake Wheeler: “I wonder what kind of face LeBron would make if he took a slapper off the laces?”

• Stars defenseman Alex Goligoski: “What a gutsy performance by lebron #not.”

• Ryan Potulny, a forward in the Capitals’ system: “Lebron James is embarrassing himself and the NBA or actually all athletes.”

Holy shit.  This series is a nightmare.  Not only are the Heat winning, which is unbearable in and of itself, but for some reason, the sports world has decided that LeBron is now clutch-as-fuck playoff MUNNY. As such, they refuse to acknowledge egregious examples of his late-game fuck-ups.  Perfect example – last night’s cramping episode. How in the world is LeBron not getting ripped to pieces for pulling himself out of the final minute of last night’s game due to cramps, the fakest and pussiest of all possible injuries?

Let’s recap the final minutes of game 4 from multiple perspectives.  You know, to be fair and shit.

LeBron falls down on a drive and coughs up the ball.

LeBron homer:  That was clearly the result of a terrible injury, because LeBron never screws up.

Non-retard: LeBron fell down because bumbling into the paint is his signature move.

LeBron looks up, realizes the Thunder have the ball, and stays down as the Thunder go on a break.

LeBron homer: Oh no, poor LeBron must be gravely injured!

Non-retard: What a fucking prima donna.  Typical LeBron.

The Heat quickly regain possession.  LeBron gets up, cherry picks, receives a pass, and scores a cheap basket.

LeBron homer: LeBron has somehow found the inner strength to battle through incredible pain in order to stand up and make a 4-foot bank shot! AMAZING!

Non-retard: Faker. Way to pick up the cheapest score ever, douchebag.

A few minutes later, after copious amounts of grimacing and limping and scowling, LeBron makes a three. Although he doesn’t appear to be limping as he’s handling the ball and going through his shooting motion, he hobbles all the way back down the court after making the shot.

LeBron homer: OH MY GOD. Better than Jordan! BETTER THAN JORDAN!

Non-retard: How convenient. Where was that limp when was handling the ball prior to the shot?  What a goddamned drama queen.  *Sigh*

LeBron misses a three-pointer with 1:15 left in the game.  He immediately pulls himself out of a one possession game with under a minute remaining.

LeBron homer: It is a miracle LeBron has played this long through the pain.  What a beast.  There is no way that missed shot had anything to do with the timing of his exit. Pure coincidence. LeBron never shies away from a chance to take control in the final seconds of the game.

Non-retard: What kind of pussy superstar takes themselves out of a one score game with under a minute remaining?

* * *

Anyone paying attention to LeBron’s career knows that not only does he fail to deliver in the clutch, he actively avoids pressure situations altogether. The moment LeBron missed the three-pointer that would have made it a 6 point game, he realized that he would almost certainly be expected to do something important at the end of the game. So he quit. Plain and simple.

Lucky for him, the oscar-worthy bullshit display he had been putting on gave him the cover he needed.

By running to the safety of the bench, LeBron completely avoided the possibility of yet another humiliating fourth quarter fuck-up. There would be no embarrassing bricks at the buzzer, no fraidy cat passes out of the final shot…BECAUSE HE WAS ON THE BENCH LEAVING THE GAME IN THE HANDS OF SUPER MARIO FUCKING CHALMERS.

If you don’t buy this interpretation, I guess you have to accept that LeBron possesses the pain threshold of a toddler and is willing to bail on his team because he is a total weakling. I have no idea how any sportwriter could possible write a piece praising LeBron’s toughness after watching last night’s clown show. I don’t know where those dickheads grew up (Candyland?), but where Bernard G. Watkins grew up (Southeast DC), kind of playing through cramps for a little while before giving up shortly thereafter isn’t tough. It’s pussy as all shit.

I’ll leave you all with some examples of actual toughness, in case you still don’t get it:

Byron Leftwich told the X-Ray to go fuck itself and played three whole quarters of FOOTBALL with a goddamned BROKEN TIBIA.

 

This 75 pound girl SPRINTED and then did a bunch of FLIPS AND SHIT with an extremely BUSTED ANKLE SHE COULDN'T EVEN STAND ON.

Willis Reed helped the Knicks win a championship by refusing to sit out game 7 with his THIGH MUSCLE TORN TO RIBBONS.

Ronnie Lott had his finger AMPUTATED (AS IN REMOVED FROM HIS BODY FOREVER) rather than miss a game.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Share

Concussion-proof?

27 Mar

LeBron’s collission with one of the oldest, skinniest guys in the NBA, Grant Hill, led many to fear that the Childish One had suffered a concussion.

The final question during his postgame news conference was if he ever has had a concussion. “No,” James said. “I’m too tough for that.”

Concussion or no concussion, LeBron fans now have a ready-made excuse for whatever bullshit LeBron pulls in the playoffs this year…

Share

FUK LBJ

15 Mar

LeBron and his merry band of pampered superstars couldn’t manage to beat the Bulls even with Derrick Rose sitting on the bench.  That doesn’t bode well for the Heat’s playoff chances.

More importantly, this:

Bulls fans send a strong message sent to LeBron - FUK LBJ

If you want one of these FUK LBJ t-shirts, look to the right, click the pic, and snag one for yourself.  The more people humiliating this clown in public, the better…

You have to click directly on the actual FUK LBJ image, or it won’t work (because of the whole curse word thing, only a direct link will take you there).

Share

LeBron Dunks on Kid

11 Mar

I guess LeBron got sick of getting dunked on by kids and decided to turn the tables on those little fuckers.  Skip to 0:40 to see LeBron absolutely destroy some little kid.  POSTERIZED!

In all fairness to LeBron, the kid was inside the charge circle.  No foul.

Share

LeBron Threatens a Heckler

28 Feb

LeBron is still tad testy about that whole Delonte West thing, per some NBC reporter’s twitter:

Heckler: [reminds LeBron that Delonte West boned his mom]

LeBron: “The only reason you talk shit is because you know I can’t come off the court right now and beat your ass…but if I had a free pass, I’d kick your ass right now…

Heckler: “I’m right here baby. Let’s go.”

LeBron doth protest too much, methinks.  Pour gasoline on that fire, buddy.

Read about it here.

Share

LeBron Opens Up in his Most Revealing Interview Yet

11 Jan

In the aftermath of the unmitigated disaster that was “The Decision,” it was clear that LeBron’s public relations team had to completely re-think their strategy. Initially, they formulated a plan to duct tape LeBron’s mouth shut whenever he wasn’t playing basketball. However, they failed to account for the fact that LeBron weighs 250 pounds and is incredibly strong. That plan did not succeed.

Next, Nike stopped messing around and brought out the big guns, created a confusing hour-long commercial that attempted to put the public in the millionaire crybaby’s shoes. In doing so, they hoped that LeBron’s misguided but loyal fans would sympathize with his plight to screw them over in order to do whatever the fuck he wants to do. You know – heavy is the head that wears the crown and all that. This plan failed as well. In fact, it made things quite a bit worse, especially for Clevelanders. This outcome wasn’t too hard to predict, considering the commercial was totally retarded and condescending.  It even included a Don Johnson cameo.

Left with few other options, LeBron’s downtrodden handlers decided to return to the PR guy’s best friend – the softball interview. But wait…wasn’t “The Decision” itself a softball interview?  Hell, they actually paid that guy to lob softballs. And LeBron *still* screwed it up. “Fuuuuck us,” the poor PR team exclaimed as they cried into their Michelob Ultras.

Then something magical happened. Just  just as Nike was about to send a hit squad to take out the miserable PR idiots, one of them had a Don Draper moment:

“Hey fellow PR goons!  I’ve got it!”

[suspenseful pause]

“Check this – we can have little British kids ask The King questions, screen them very carefully, and then have him answer them on tape so we can delete the most retarded responses!  And here’s the best part – since these factory town kids probably have mercury poisoning, most people won’t even be able to understand the crap coming out of their mush-mouths!”

And lo and behold – it worked!  See!:

Q: Are you taller than a giraffe?

LJ: I am tall, but I am not taller than a giraffe.

Success!

Well…maybe not a complete success.  Not sure how this one got through the filter:

Q: What’s your proudest moment?

 LJ: I’d have to say my proudest moment would be winning a national championship in high school.

I guess if you haven’t won an NBA championship, your next proudest moment would have to be the championship you did win.  The coveted high school championship.

Wait a second…doesn’t LeBron have two sons?  Ouch.

Enjoy the whole ridiculous thing:

 

Share

LeBron Humiliated by Little Kid

4 Oct

Why in the world does Nike keep forcing LeBron to play basketball with kids? Remember that confiscated Nike video where some college kid dunked on LeBron? That has absolutely nothing on this:

So, this little kid *cleanly* steals the ball from LeBron, beats him down the court, and then dunks on him. And then LeBron runs back down the court and turns the ball over. This is truly amazing. Not quite sure how this happened, but it did.

This is why I pay to own ihatelebronjames.com and get off my ass to post every now and then. THIS IS WHY.

Wow.

UPDATE:

LeBron gets his confidence back by dunking over a toddler and then power-yelling:

Nobody can stop LeBron!  Not little kids, not medium-sized kids!  RAAAAAAAAR!

Share