You should have listened to me. As I predicted all along, LeBron James has abandoned you. You can now see LeBron’s despicable douchebaggery for the despicable douchebaggery that it is. Actually – it’s less “can now see” and more “you have absolutely no choice but to be forced to watch.” He took your money, snagged a few MVP trophies, quit on the team, and then hopped on the first (well, second) bus out of town.
I must applaud Dan Gilbert for dropping the truth on that spoiled crybaby in public. I have never seen such a thing in my entire life. And I’m so old that I actually smoke a pipe, so that’s saying something. It’s one thing when the Bernard Watkinses of the world rant on jerks, but it’s another thing entirely when the owner of a sports team goes off on somebody on the record. In an open letter. Posted to the team’s official website. Not surprisingly, EPNBAvid $tern has already mobilized his crack squad of goon journalists to shit all over Mr Gilbert and his message. But whatever, Dan Gilbert is no Al Davis. And he speaks the truth.
Unfortunately, it’s not all Kumbayah, assholes. Frankly, the pain you feel right now is your penance for forcing the rest of the NBA to watch you stroke your rock-hard LeBoner in public for the better part of a decade. And you deserve it. Accept your punishment and let the painful truth wash over you. Embrace it. Because when the pain subsides, you will be left with only hate. Let the words of Dan Gilbert inspire you in 20-point comic book font:
You simply don’t deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal…
“I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE”
You can take it to the bank.
If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our “motivation” to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.
As one of my loyal readers noted, LeBron has been fully outed this summer. Since there aren’t many people rushing to defend LeBron’s poor sportsmanship these days, he’s having to strike out on his own. His latest gem from some interview with a blogger:
Though a handshake is typically seen as a measure of good sportsmanship, James clearly has a different view. Still, when James was reminded that, in fact, players do actually shake hands at the end of a playoff series, James responded by saying, “No you don’t. No you don’t.”
Errm…okay. Guess my eyes were playing tricks on me the dozens of times I’ve seen a playoff series end with handshakes. Maybe TNT manipulated the on-screen images in real-time, as they did with LeBron’s crab dribble. Read about it here.
Shocker. ESPNBAvid $tern goes soft on LeBron. Despite the fact that LeBron rudely skipped the post-game press conference, the league waived the mandatory fine.
LeBron James is David Stern’s spoiled little brat…or business partner…or both. Mike Lupica from the New York Daily News nails it:
First the league said it wasn’t going to fine him, because this was a first offense, as if that’s supposed to come into play. Stern wouldn’t come out Tuesday and say exactly what he wanted to do, almost asking not to be pressed on the matter. Not sounding as much like the NBA commissioner on this one as one of James’ teammates, the ones who did have to stick around and talk about losing to the Magic. Or, and more likely, one of LeBron James’ business partners.
In the painful irony department, LeBron appeared in an NBA Cares commercial that aired during game 6. His speaking line? “Sportsmanship.” Go to 1:14 to skip all the sappy bullshit:
It happened. LeBron was finally called for a frame-by-frame recreation of The Travel. And against the poor Washington Wizards of all teams – LeBron’s original victims. Amazing. The NBA’s officiating is in such a sorry state that it is nearly impossible for anyone to believe that LeBron could actually be whistled for traveling, even when it is the most painfully obvious example of traveling possible (I’ll get to that later). So unbelievable that when he is called out, it becomes a major media event. Check out Caron Butler’s reaction after the game: It’s a travel. It was the exact same move two years ago in the playoffs. I definitely knew he traveled, but I didn’t think they were gonna call it…But that was one of them situations in which a great player made a move, good officiation, and they called the call. And I was just like, ‘Aw, man. There is a God. There is a God.’
That a professional basketball player could have such an extreme reaction to this whole crab dribble travel call episode really says it all. Caron Butler evidently feels that it requires some kind of divine intervention in order for LeBron to be correctly charged with a traveling violation. Or, at the very least, that such a call constitutes proof of the existence of GOD.
Of course, this was a meaningless game, and a pretty safe game for the refs to have grown a conscience. LeBron has been pulling this shit in the playoffs for years. If a playoff game is close in the fourth quarter, the crab is guaranteed to make an appearance or two. Or twelve. I bet that won’t change this year or ever.
Anyway, back to the story…as with most King James fiascos, LeBron’s obnoxious reaction is more than half the fun. How pathetic is it that LeBron has the nerve to 1. complain to the refs about such a valid call (including a re-enactment to the ref during the game – where was the tech!?), 2. claim that even after he had seen the tape in the locker room that it was still not a travel and then 3. be so bold as to go in front of the media and bitch about it knowing full well that he has won entire playoffs series on no-calls from the same move. Answer: it is quite pathetic. And he kept bitching about it the day after the game, after having the benefit of watching it replayed on sportscenter 600 times:
On Sunday, James said it was a “bad call” and that “they need to look at it and they need to understand that’s not a travel.” In giving his take on what happened, James said: “I watched it again, and I took a ‘crab dribble,’ which is a hesitation dribble, and then two steps.”
Ugh. LeBron must honestly believe that he can do no wrong.
Unfortunately, apart from racking up a meaningless loss against a non-contender, LeBron came away from this episode completely unscathed, as usual - he wasn’t given a tech for complaining directly to the ref (Oh, I’m sorry – explaining to the ref) and he wasn’t fined for repeatedly and directly criticizing the officiating after the game (are they going to return Eddie Jordan’s $25K for complaining about a no-call on the very same move back in 2006?).
One more item of note – the valiant Mr. Potato Head made a point to get thrown out of the game arguing a charging foul called on LeBron (LeBron’s other signature move). He couldn’t just sit by and watch LeBron being so blatantly subjected to the rules of basketball for an entire game. The officiating was just so terribly fair that night, apparently.
Because Mr. Potato Head and many reporters are apparently retarded and because LeBron apparently has some psychological condition that prevents him from viewing rapidly moving images on a television screen and processing them properly in his LeBrain, let’s break this shit down, frame-by-frame, by using youtube and the offical NBA rulebook. And Jalen Rose.
First, the rule:
Section XIV-Traveling
a. A player who receives the ball while standing still may pivot, using either foot as the pivot foot.
b. A player who receives the ball while he is progressing or upon completion of a dribble, may use a two-count rhythm in coming to a stop, passing or shooting the ball.
The first count occurs:
(1) As he receives the ball, if either foot is touching the floor at the time he receives it.
(2) As the foot touches the floor, or as both feet touch the floor simultaneously after he receives the ball, if both feet are off the floor when he receives it.
The second occurs:
(1) After the count of one when either foot touches the floor, or both feet touch the floor simultaneously.
c. A player who comes to a stop on the count of one may pivot, using either foot as the pivot foot.
d. A player who comes to a stop on the count of two, with one foot in advance of the other, may pivot using only the rear foot as the pivot foot.
e. A player who comes to a stop on the count of two, with neither foot in advance of the other, may use either foot as the pivot foot.
f. In starting a dribble after (1) receiving the ball while standing still, or (2) coming to a legal stop, the ball must be out of the player’s hand before the pivot foot is raised off the floor.
g. If a player, with the ball in his possession, raises his pivot foot off the floor, he must pass or shoot before his pivot foot returns to the floor. If he drops the ball while in the air, he may not be the first to touch the ball.
h. A player who falls to the floor while holding the ball, or while coming to a stop, may not gain an advantage by sliding.
i. A player who attempts a field goal may not be the first to touch the ball if it fails to touch the backboard, basket ring or another player.
PENALTY: Loss of ball. The ball is awarded to the opposing team at the sideline, nearest spot of the violation but no nearer the baseline than the foul line extended.
Okay – so the NBA rulebook isn’t as crystal-clear as it could be. However, after much difficulty, it is possible to translate this strangely-worded crap and come away with the fact that you get TWO STEPS after picking up your dribble in most situations. I think. Anyway – let’s assume two. It’s certainly not more than two, in any situation, obviously.
On to the visual evidence and Jalen Rose (hope they don’t pull this video down):
Wow – I think that may have actually been five steps.
Also, the feud kinda lives. Injured DeShawn Steven was apparently taunting from the sidelines in a ridiculous purple velvet suit and bowtie. I would have loved to have heard what kind of vicious trash talk DeShawn Stevenson was dishing out immediately following that travel call. Of course, LeBron refused to participate in the back-and-forth because he is above all that. And because he couldn’t say a damn thing.
Recently, Lebron threw Clevelanders a bone by mentioning that he might agree to a contract extension ahead of his 2010 free agency. For some reason, Clevelanders seem to have bought it hook, line, and sinker (considering all the “see, that proves LeBron loves us” emails I’ve gotten). Oh, how quickly you forget, gullible residents of the Mistake on the Burning Lake. I’d like to take this chance to remind you all just how many times LeBron has insulted you and your fair city before you get too giddy and buy into LeBron’s empty little PR ploy:
First, here are some choice quotes and news stories from the LeBron/NY love affair (weight this against his single “I might consider…possibly, perhaps staying in…*cough*…Cleveland” quote):
You have to stay open-minded if you’re a Knicks fan. … If you guys want to sleep right now and don’t wake up until July 1, 2010, then go ahead. It’s going to be a big day.
We got really close. Coach D’Antoni gave me a lot of freedom, he allowed me to play every position I wanted to play, I was the leader of that team, but I was also like the overseer of some offensive plays.
To be a part of that chemistry, be part of the offensive mastermind that Coach D’Antoni is, that was great.
We were able to do some things on offense that were really unstoppable with the Olympic team.
When asked about the prospect of joining the Knicks:
It would be unfair to bring that kind of distraction to our team and my teammates, the coach and the rest of the organization,” James said. “I think July 1, 2010 will be one the bigger days in free agent history.
Sure, buddy. Then there was the leak from LeBron’s NBA power-player pal that he favors a Knicks trade. Pretty damning stuff. As if anybody outside Cleveland didn’t know that already, considering LeBron unveiled his new Big Apple shoe in New York, during a game against the Knicks, to a thunderous round of applause from New Yorkers. Applause LeBron gladly accepted.
Then there was LeBron’s overly-defensive reaction to Charles Barkely calling him out. It never escalated to a proper feud, but it was nice.
Charles: The outside forces should never affect your locker room. I think LeBron has made some of the right comments, but he hasn’t made the perfect comment. He still alienated 11 guys in his locker room…
If I was LeBron James, I would shut the hell up.
LeBron: He’s stupid. That’s all I’ve got to say about that.
Charles: LeBron James is one of my favorite players, but he’s been 100 percent wrong in this situation Barkley said. It’s unfair to the city of Cleveland and it’s unfair to the Cleveland Cavaliers team. If it was a year away it would still be unfortunate. I wish he would sign a lifetime deal with the Cavaliers.
LeBron: I guarantee that I will move to New York. I’d rather die than stay in this shithole. Le-Bron Ja-Mes. Clap. Clap. Clap Clap Clap.
And don’t forget LeBron’s public displays of disrespect for Ohio’s other sports franchises!
I am going to continue to be active in the community, especially with the bikeathon. There are going to be some more things next summer. I don’t think it is going to change it. Basically, it will allow the guys around me to focus.
Focus on what? LeBron? So…firing all of the the charitible workers will allow people around LeBron to focus more on Lebron. Got it.
At least we can all rest assured that the LeBron James King for Kids Bikeathon is still going to happen. Phew.
Of course, the charity organization will continue to exist as a legal entity for tax write-off purposes. Ugh. Unbelievable. Classy guy, that LeBron James.
If you’ll remember, way back when Darfur first starting making the news, LeBron refused to sign one of his teammate’s Darfur petition because he wanted to “do more research” on the topic or some other such bullshit. When all was said and done, it was pretty significant PR fiasco and LeBron was left with quite a bit of egg on his face. And deservedly so. He didn’t sign the petition.
Fast forward a year to the 2008 Olympics in Bejing. Apparently, a year was simply not enough time for LeBron to properly research the issue and decide that Darfur genocide was unquestionably a bad thing, because he just couldn’t bring himself to condemn genocide during the Olympics. He never did sign his teammate’s petition, either. And when a group of over one hundred athletes decided to stage an organized protest during the Olympics, LeBron was conspicuously absent, despite the fact that he had earlier promised in a public statement that he would later issue some kind of…er…future public statment statement with, uh, some guys, or, err…something.
Could it be any more plainly obvious that concerns over Nike’s mega-money dominate LeBron’s every decision? He couldn’t and wouldn’t even condemn GENOCIDE, the worst evil perpetrated by man, even though it had already given him a massive PR black eye once before, even though he was already in the public eye to respond, and even though hundreds of other athletes joined together in a public protest during an Olympics where he was probably the biggest draw behind Michael Phelps and Chinese NBA stars.
Since LeBron proably isn’t pure evil, there has to be something more going on here. That something is pretty obvious. So let’s explore why LeBron couldn’t bring himself to condemn something as atrocious as genocide by playing a little game of connect-the-dots:
LeBron receives what probably amounts to hundreds of millions of dollars from Nike.
Nike makes millions of pairs of shoes in China and other parts of China-dominated Asia, paying workers an unconscionable $1.75 per day (selling shoes for $150 that cost less than $5 to produce).
China runs on Sudanese oil (it imports 70% of Sudan’s total oil exports) and provides the genocide-condoning Sudanese government with diplomatic protection and arms, and is the chief investor in government-sanctioned business dealings in Sudan.
So, if that’s too complicated for you – I’ll break it down a little bit more: LeBron can’t say one bad thing about the Darfur genocide/Sudan in fear of angering his evil master’s evil master. It’s all about getting the money for LeBron.
Pathetic.
Try and defend this, King James worshippers. You can’t. It’s absolutley, unbelievably, ridiculously indefensible (although Michael Wilbon tried – good work, asshole).
I get a lot of hate mail, as one would expect. With a site like this, I’m obviously asking for it, so I don’t mind. And it’s fun, because I get tons of hilariously stupid and/or terrible emails, even though they are getting a little predictable (you’re a fat jealous white guy, LeBron ran the train on your team, etc.). Apart from the repetitive and unoriginal insults, one thing I hear over and over again is that I shouldn’t be picking on poor LeBron because he’s such a great guy off the court. In fact, most insulting emails even end with this crap. He’s a wonderful person. He is so down-to-earth. So classy. Blah blah blah. Oh yeah? Really? Well read this, suckers:
LeBron pulls up in his Mercedes outside XO. People stop and try not to stare, but c’mon, it’s LeBron James. He enters the restaurant with a group of friends. On this special occasion, the King decides to dine late. He keeps his group there until around 3:45 a.m. During this time the waiter obsequiously pours drinks and fetches anything else His Greatness needs.
The final bill comes to $800. By the feudal laws of decorum, which stipulate that the affluent should administer a 20 percent gratuity, staffers figured they’d be pocketing an extra $160. But when they fetched the autographed bill after His Heinousness bolted back to Akron, their expectation turned to disbelief, then anger.
Now try and tell me that he’s a great guy, assholes. You can’t. He isn’t. Ten bucks on an 800 dollar check? That’s a 1.25% tip. And this even though he kept the wait staff around until 3:45. Unfuckingconscionable. The fact that this steakhouse is one of his favorite restaurants makes the whole thing even more ridiculous. What a class act, that LeBron. I know LeBron is on record stating that he wants to be the world’s first billionaire athlete. Now he’s 150 bucks closer. Actually, 160 bucks closer, since the waiter refused the insulting ten dollar tip. King of Ohio. Evil, tyrannical king of Ohio.
