Tag Archives: Jeff van Gundy can go to hell

4th Quarter of Game 2

3 Jun

Game 1 was boring and terrible.  However, I did notice that during the 5 or 10 minutes I was away from the game pouring myself whiskey drinks/smoking cigarettes/smashing things, the Mavericks seemed to go on runs. Of course, when I was watching the game, all that LeBron dunking and Dywyaynye Wade three-pointer stuff happened and the Heat won. I figured that if I avoided game 2 completely, the Mavs might have a chance. I was right. Dirk and his geezer friends were able to put up a win on the Cheat in Miami with a crazy 4th quarter comeback (or so I hear).

And I didn’t have to listen to a single sound come out of Jeff van Gundy’s mouth hole. I heard just about enough of that gushing LeBron homer in game 1 to last a lifetime.

Now I won’t be able to help myself.  I’ll have to watch game 3, which will probably guarantee some of the most obnoxious LeBron shenanigans yet. Goddamned universe. At least I can hit the mute button.  But I won’t.

OH HI LEBRON.

. . .

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Jeff van Gundy is a tool, a clown, and a gump

10 May

No thanks to LeBron, the Cavs won a home game against the Celtics. Congrats, guys! You are now on the level of the mighty Atlanta Hawks! LeBron laid a third consecutive egg (5-16 shooting) and was predictably bailed out by the refs (8-12 from the line).

While the game itself (LeBron flopping, faking, charging) was bad, Jeff van Gundy was worse. He was absolutely unbearable. He was so bad that the five minutes he spent discussing Chinese-owned markets actually turned out to be the high point of his commentary. Anything to drown out the sound of LeBron loudly clanking jumpshots off of the front of the rim, I suppose – whether it’s LeBrown-nosing or irrelevant BS.

It’ really funny how it’s impossible to get anything resembling informative commentary from a game involving LeBron James. Jeff van Gundy simply refused to let up on LeBron glorification no. matter. what. TNT was so desperate for some LeBron magic that it had the nerve to run an obnoxious LeBron video montage right in the middle of a particularly bad stretch of his suckfest. This kind of crap validates my suspicion that there really is some kind of pro-LeBron agenda and a pro-LeBron script the announcers are asked to follow. How else would you explain the absurd timing of the montage? It was totally inappropriate, especially considering the amazing games Joe Smith and Delonte West were having. Why not a montage of Joe Smith nailing seven consecutive shots? Delonte West draining a bunch of threes? Guess TNT feels they have to throw the zombie horde some LeBron-flavored brains between beer commercials. Sadly, they’re probably right.

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LeBron gets a single measly MVP vote

7 May

Read how LeBron manages only a single MVP vote.

And this despite leading the league in scoring. So who voted for LeBron, anyway? Hmmmm:

Balls!

I have to comment on Kobe’s MVP selection, which basically amounts to a lifetime achievement award. It’s totally bogus. I don’t care how good of a season the Lakers had. Kevin Garnett took a complete disaster of a team and turned it into the league’s best team in a single season. In fact, it was the biggest single-season win/loss turnaround in the history of the league. How the hell did KG not get MVP for that alone? And I don’t buy the “west is a tougher conference” bullshit. Who cares? KG was definitely the most valuable player in the entire league. If LeBron and Ray Allen went to the Heat next year and won 60 games (Dwyane Wade = Paul Pierce in this scenario), LeBron would win MVP with a 100% margin of victory in the voting. That’s just the truth.

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