Tag Archives: cheating

LeBron’s little pussy gets 4th quarter menstrual cramps

20 Jun

UPDATE: A bunch of NHL players agree with me that LeBron is an embarrassment to all of professional sports (from the twitters):

• Scott Valentine, a defenseman in the Predators’ system: “Oh my god guys, Lebron has a cramp, everyone get on their feet, standing O for somehow staying in the game.”

• Jets right wing Blake Wheeler: “I wonder what kind of face LeBron would make if he took a slapper off the laces?”

• Stars defenseman Alex Goligoski: “What a gutsy performance by lebron #not.”

• Ryan Potulny, a forward in the Capitals’ system: “Lebron James is embarrassing himself and the NBA or actually all athletes.”

Holy shit.  This series is a nightmare.  Not only are the Heat winning, which is unbearable in and of itself, but for some reason, the sports world has decided that LeBron is now clutch-as-fuck playoff MUNNY. As such, they refuse to acknowledge egregious examples of his late-game fuck-ups.  Perfect example – last night’s cramping episode. How in the world is LeBron not getting ripped to pieces for pulling himself out of the final minute of last night’s game due to cramps, the fakest and pussiest of all possible injuries?

Let’s recap the final minutes of game 4 from multiple perspectives.  You know, to be fair and shit.

LeBron falls down on a drive and coughs up the ball.

LeBron homer:  That was clearly the result of a terrible injury, because LeBron never screws up.

Non-retard: LeBron fell down because bumbling into the paint is his signature move.

LeBron looks up, realizes the Thunder have the ball, and stays down as the Thunder go on a break.

LeBron homer: Oh no, poor LeBron must be gravely injured!

Non-retard: What a fucking prima donna.  Typical LeBron.

The Heat quickly regain possession.  LeBron gets up, cherry picks, receives a pass, and scores a cheap basket.

LeBron homer: LeBron has somehow found the inner strength to battle through incredible pain in order to stand up and make a 4-foot bank shot! AMAZING!

Non-retard: Faker. Way to pick up the cheapest score ever, douchebag.

A few minutes later, after copious amounts of grimacing and limping and scowling, LeBron makes a three. Although he doesn’t appear to be limping as he’s handling the ball and going through his shooting motion, he hobbles all the way back down the court after making the shot.

LeBron homer: OH MY GOD. Better than Jordan! BETTER THAN JORDAN!

Non-retard: How convenient. Where was that limp when was handling the ball prior to the shot?  What a goddamned drama queen.  *Sigh*

LeBron misses a three-pointer with 1:15 left in the game.  He immediately pulls himself out of a one possession game with under a minute remaining.

LeBron homer: It is a miracle LeBron has played this long through the pain.  What a beast.  There is no way that missed shot had anything to do with the timing of his exit. Pure coincidence. LeBron never shies away from a chance to take control in the final seconds of the game.

Non-retard: What kind of pussy superstar takes themselves out of a one score game with under a minute remaining?

* * *

Anyone paying attention to LeBron’s career knows that not only does he fail to deliver in the clutch, he actively avoids pressure situations altogether. The moment LeBron missed the three-pointer that would have made it a 6 point game, he realized that he would almost certainly be expected to do something important at the end of the game. So he quit. Plain and simple.

Lucky for him, the oscar-worthy bullshit display he had been putting on gave him the cover he needed.

By running to the safety of the bench, LeBron completely avoided the possibility of yet another humiliating fourth quarter fuck-up. There would be no embarrassing bricks at the buzzer, no fraidy cat passes out of the final shot…BECAUSE HE WAS ON THE BENCH LEAVING THE GAME IN THE HANDS OF SUPER MARIO FUCKING CHALMERS.

If you don’t buy this interpretation, I guess you have to accept that LeBron possesses the pain threshold of a toddler and is willing to bail on his team because he is a total weakling. I have no idea how any sportwriter could possible write a piece praising LeBron’s toughness after watching last night’s clown show. I don’t know where those dickheads grew up (Candyland?), but where Bernard G. Watkins grew up (Southeast DC), kind of playing through cramps for a little while before giving up shortly thereafter isn’t tough. It’s pussy as all shit.

I’ll leave you all with some examples of actual toughness, in case you still don’t get it:

Byron Leftwich told the X-Ray to go fuck itself and played three whole quarters of FOOTBALL with a goddamned BROKEN TIBIA.


This 75 pound girl SPRINTED and then did a bunch of FLIPS AND SHIT with an extremely BUSTED ANKLE SHE COULDN'T EVEN STAND ON.

Willis Reed helped the Knicks win a championship by refusing to sit out game 7 with his THIGH MUSCLE TORN TO RIBBONS.

Ronnie Lott had his finger AMPUTATED (AS IN REMOVED FROM HIS BODY FOREVER) rather than miss a game.

















Clutch Cheating

15 Jun

LeBron may not be able to hit a clutch jumper to save his life, but that dude has perfected the art of cheating in the clutch.  Think about how many games he has closed out with a perfectly executed illegal move or sneaky foul.  “The Travel” was a game-winner, folks.  And so was his push-off on Durant at the end of last night’s game, which ultimately resulted in an intentional foul and two more FTs for LeBron.  The truth is revealed by the replay angle at :36:

LeBron has blossomed into one of the craftiest, effective cheaters in the league.  If there was a rating in NBA2K for cheating technique, LeBron would have a 98.  But only because they never give out 99s.



LeBron Rules

30 Jan

As evidenced by last night’s Bulls/Heat game, it is still illegal to block LeBron James’ bumbling shots in the paint.  Especially near the end of a game.  Super-especially if the game is close.

That is all.


Stan Van Gundy on fouls and fines/Bill Simmons gets it without getting it

27 May

Stan Van Gundy’s game 3 post-game press conference was priceless.  Watch it here.

Reporter: Stan, the foul that Dwight fouled out on and a couple other call on LeBron…they don’t even look like fouls sometimes.  Can you comment on that?

Stan: Nope. But you can.  You write a column.  And see, the league won’t fine you $25,000 or whatever.  So…so you write it.  That’s what I love – you guys see it, but you don’t want to write it.  But you want me to comment on it so now I’m a whiner and I get fined.  You saw it, write what you saw.

[gasp] How *dare* you!  This is *my* ball.  I AM KING JAMES!!!

How *dare* you! This is *my* ball. I AM KING JAMES!!!

In the NBA, you can be fined for complaining about a call if you are a coach, even when you are unquestionably right.  The press can write whatever they want, but they rarely write stories critical of LeBullshit.  Consequentially, LeBron James has become a monster and the last two minutes of every close playoff game (arguably the only part of a basketball game worth watching) are a usually a joke.  Thanks, ESPNbavid $tern.  Even the defensive player of the year (carrying 5 fouls in a pivotal playoff game) doesn’t get the benefit of the doubt on a decisive defensive play when he goes up against LeBron.  When you guard LeBron, you are simply “the guy who is about to foul LeBron.”

You know the situation has gotten completely out of control when Bill Simmons, one of the most eager and enthusiastic of all LeBron fellaters, capable of writing super-romanticized bullshit like this:

In Game 2 of the Eastern Conference Finals, with one second to play and his Cavaliers trailing by two, a 6-foot-9, 275-pound local kid from Akron bullied toward the basket like a tight end. His goal was to jump as high as he could, extend his hands 2 feet over the 10-foot rim, then catch a lob from 50 feet away that had to be perfectly thrown. When his path was cut off, he recalibrated his mission almost as a navigation system reroutes a car, darted away from the basket toward the top of the key, caught a pass coming from his left, turned toward the rim, took a split second to center his body, bounced off the balls of his feet, extended in the air, then arched a 24-foot shot over the extended fingers of a 6-foot-10 opponent from Turkey. Even as he released the shot, he was falling backward, so his momentum carried him toward the other basket. Somehow, the shot rattled home. And that’s when LeBron James turned around, sought out his teammates and joyously hopped into their arms.

This was one of the bigger moments in recent NBA history: The time when our latest hope for “The Next Jordan” actually did something MJ would have done. Like so many other die-hards, I spent the next 24 hours rehashing the moment through phone calls and e-mails and texts.

…can force himself to admit this:

[Jordan was the best and worst thing to happen to the NBA because he created] a generation of one-on-one players who careen toward the basket in big moments, create some form of contact and hope officials will bail them out. With four seconds to play in Game 4 and his team trailing by 2, LeBron put his head down, dribbled as fast as he could and prayed Michael Pietrus would either bump him or trip him. If you watch the clip, he’s moving so fast that it would have been humanly impossible for him to make a shot. That wasn’t his goal. He wanted a call. And he got one. Their feet got tangled, LeBron lurched forward, and the refs bailed him out.

Both of these quotes came from the same article.  This is what drives me crazy about Bill Simmons.  He clearly and obviously sees what is happening to the NBA.  His knows the history of the game in a way that very few dorks are capable.  He can even recall a particular foul Bill Laimbeer committed against some guy from the Clippers in the 2nd quarter of a regular season game 20 years ago and what kind of doritos he was eating at the time.   He has correctly identified the problem with the modern game (see above) and even offers a few reasonable solutions to this problem.   But then he turns around and produces piles and piles of his own hero-worship bullshit (with some of the most comically overwrought sportswriting ever), the root cause of the problem he has just identified.  Wow.  Whether he realizes it or not, he is actively contributing to the demise of his beloved NBA, nudging it further and further away from his own ideal vision of the game.  I just don’t get it.

Sports journalists are the only people able to freely criticize the bullshit without getting fined.  They are the only people with an audience large enough and an influence great enough to force some kind of change in the bullshit.  Yet, these very same journalists rely on this hero-worship bullshit to pay their bills, thanks to the atmosphere fostered by Nike and Sportscenter.  Looks like we’re stuck.

So, Stan, this is why jerk reporters won’t write the obvious fucking columns they need to be writing.  And they probably never will.


ESPNBAvid $tern – The Movie

23 May

I’ve been getting a ton of email about the “The Greatest Tragedy in Sports,”  an amateur documentary detailing David Stern’s douchebaggery from the 1985 Ewing draft lottery conspiracy to the 2002 Lakers/Kings Western Conference Final.  I thought I’d finally post something.  I’m not saying I think every claim this guy makes is legit.  I have no idea if it’s all true or even mostly true.  But I can tell you this – it’s not all bogus.  If even one tenth of this stuff has merit, ESPNBAvid $tern is a total jerk.  This documentary was obviously made by a Sacramento Kings fan/Lakers hater.  So why is this important for ihatelebronjames.com?  Because it makes the same argument that I’ve made here (of course a bit more seriously and with much higher production values) – that the NBA has become a choreographed joke based on superstar worship.  The shenanigans described in this documentary have become firmly and permanently entrenched in the NBA to such an extent that sportscasters refuse to write about favoritism, or worse – they accept it as a normal part of the game.  The governing philosophy of the David Stern era – that superstars generate super profits – benefits the Lakers, Celtics, Jordans, and Kobes of the world to the detriment to the rest of the players and teams.  LeBron James is currently the primary beneficiary.  He’s fine with that.  ESPN is fine with that.  Nike is fine with that.  Gatorade is fine with that.  If you’re a fan of the Atlanta Hawks, Charlotte Bobcats, Los Angeles Clippers, Washington Wizards, Milwaukee Bucks, Minnesota Timberwolves, Toronto Raptors, Oklahoma City Thunder, Portland Trailblazers, Golden State Warriors, Memphis Grizzlies, New Orleans Hornets, or Sacramento Kings, you’re not fine with that.

“The Greatest Tragedy in Sports” – Part 1(of 9):

If the above embed doesn’t work, here is the link.


Enough is Enough

16 May

“A LeBron James team is never desperate.”

– LeBron James, referring to himself in the third person

Doc Rivers finally benched E.T. That’s the good news. The bad news is that game 6 was a frustrating mess in all other respects. A few highlights: LeBron officially became a ref, reversing an out-of-bounds call with a hissy-fit at some point in the second half. LeBron also put an absolutely outrageous travesty of a charging foul on Paul Pierce deep in the 4th quarter to ruin the integrity of the entire game, despite the fact that it was the most obvious blocking foul of the entire game, if not the entire history of the NBA. Glen Davis was mugged under the basket the entire game, and LeBron went to the line more than the entire Celtics team. It was an unmitigated disaster.

I can’t take any more of this:

scrawny rich kid nerd cavs fan

And I certainly can’t take any more of this:

LeBron scowls like a whimpering crybaby

Please, Celtics: pick your shots, use some movement, and end this nonsense on Sunday night. And then lose to the Pistons in the next round because you don’t deserve to win shit this season.

About the commentary – worst by a non-Jeff van Gundy crew yet. Some anonymous nobodies, obviously selected for their eagerness to LeBrown-nose, were selected to call the game. They were absolutely useless sycophants. One of them, Doris Burke, actually had the nerve to call the BS LeBron/Paul Pierce charge call a 50/50. Yeah, she’s partial. It was a 100/0, doofus. She also produced what has to be the lamest, most pathetic attempt at asskissing I have ever witnessed. Get this – she heaped a full minute of praise on LeBron after a failed inbounds pass. A failed inbounds pass. Even though the world’s greatest passing wizard failed to hit a teammate on an inbounds pass at midcourt, Doris Burke was shocked at how amazingly calm and collected he was in doing so. What? Hacks.


Wizards lose again…sigh

2 May

Last word about the Wizards vs. Cavaliers rivalry – two out of the three series that Cavs have won were handicapped strongly in LeBron’s favor due to injuries as a matter of fact. For the sake of argument, I’ll give LeBron the first series because nobody on the Wizards was really hurt, even though you could easily argue that two of the Cavs wins were due to absolute trash and that was the difference (see early stuff on this site).

As far as the last two series go – bad calls, suspensions, cheating, and travelling aside – injuries were the most important factor, not LeBron’s overwhelming skill. Gilbert and Caron were completely absent from the 2007 series. Enough said. This year, Gilbert was basically playing on one leg and Caron was obviously a wreck due the numerous injuries he had been carrying all season and that ramped up as he tried to compensate for Gil’s absence down the stretch.

LeBron doesn’t exactly own the Wizards, he owns a beat up, injured approximation of the Wizards.

Gilbert Arenas hates LeBron James, too
Whatever, asshole.  Good thing I was fucking crippled.

Bad news, LeBron – ESPNBAvid Stern wants a Celtics/Lakers finals more than anything in the world. That’s right – even more than it/he wants you, Chosen One.

Good luck with KG, buddy!


KG must feast


Haywood on LeBron: “waaaaah, waaaaah”

29 Apr

“Awww,” Haywood said in a whiny, high-pitched voice to mock James. “They are trying to hurt me.”

Haywood, who was called for a flagrant-two foul and ejected from Game 2 after shoving James, believes it’s time for Cleveland’s superstar to stop complaining.

“I mean, come on man, this is the playoffs,” Haywood said following Monday’s practice. “He wears 23, he wants to be Michael Jordan, I can respect that, he’s a great player. You saw what Mike went through. Mike got fouled way worse than this. No one is trying to hurt him, everybody is trying to play basketball, trying to play tough. Play basketball and leave it alone.”

You see plenty of LeBron’s whining by watching the broadcast of any Cavs game, even with the TV announcers shamelessly refusing to comment on it.  It’s apparent to anyone paying attention.  That having been said, I’m sure Brendan Haywood witnesses three times as much additional LeBron whining when he’s on the court.  He’s able to see and hear every groan, complaint, and incredulous facial expression the camera misses.  So, whatever impression we have of LeBron’s crybaby BS is clearly only the tip of the iceberg.

What I’m saying is this – Haywood knows.  In fact, seeing as how he has been thrown out of a game as a direct result of the cumulative effect of LeBron’s whining, has been leg-humped by LeBron, and has narrowly dodged a punch to the nutsack thrown by LeBron, he’s the most credible source available on the matter.

Of course, this article rushes to LeBron’s defense and leaves the impression that he is demonstrating remarkable poise and perseverance in the face of such vicious attacks and insults.  The article provides some good quotes, but the rest of the article’s editorializing is pure party-line bullshit, even referring to LeBron as “King James.”  It is interesting to note that this is an AP article, which you would think would be a little more objectively written.

If I wasn’t lazy as hell, I’d photoshop a picture of LeBron’s face superimposed on the body of a crying baby right here.  But I am lazy…and it’s a little too obvious.


Cheating is a noble virtue (for LeBron only)

29 Apr

Immediately after game four, sportswriters everywhere have been cranking out articles glamorizing LeBron’s psychological victories against the Wizards.  Many of the usual suspects, including Washington DC’s own Michael Wilbon, have joined in the fun.

Yes, there is trash talk flying everywhere and yes, LeBron has been on the winning side of things lately.  In the NFL, winning can turn Randy Moss into a good teammate and Ray Lewis into a great guy.  The same is true in the NBA, apparently, where winning can put you on the right side of things, especially when your nickname is The Chosen One and even AP articles refer to you as King James.  Sportscasters will demonize and ridicule trash talk from Stevenson, Gilbert, and Haywood (Barkely, every single sportscaster on EPSN, Stephen A. Smith, etc.).  Yet they will take trash talk or some other jerky behavior from LeBron and interpret it as some kind of cutting-edge psychological technique that demonstrates LeBron’s true competitive genius.

What these talking heads are really doing is actually promoting cheating or bad behavior as some kind of virtue.  LeBron started the feud with Stevenson by trashing him to Drew Gooden.  LeBron elbowed Andre Blatche in the face and started a fight with Brendan Haywood at center court.  LeBron talks trash.  LeBron shamelessly takes advantage of the special LeBron-only rules regarding traveling and charging as he lowers his head and blindly bull-rushes his way to the basket when his jump shot is failing him.  And when he is called for a foul, LeBron has the gall to complain and whine about it.  If somebody gave me a fifty dollar bill out of the blue, I wouldn’t whine and complain that they should have given me a hundred dollar bill.  Dude is just spoiled.

Below is an exchange between Mike Wise, a DC area reporter, and David Stern. This conversation was televised on Comcast before game three of the series.  I heard about it through the grapevine, but I wasn’t able to locate the actual clip on the internet.  The best I could do is find a kinda-transcript from a DC area sports blog,

David Stern was on Comcast before the game talking with Russ Thaler and Mike Wise of the Washington Post…who was hitting him with some hard questions, albeit halfway in jest….such as:

Why does LeBron travel worse than Patrick Ewing in the 80s?
Laughing non-answer. Or….
Why do superstars get calls? Evidently Stern can prove that this is not true with statistics, but doesn’t have the time….yeah riiiight.

Nice.  So the best Stern can do is laugh it off (awkwardly, I’m guessing) and refuse to acknowledge the question?  That’s pretty telling.  The way I see it, he got called out and was essentially rendered speechless, even in a friendly, half-kidding environment.  He might as well have said: “Well Mike, because that’s the way the NBA like$ it.  And because I am absolutely unwilling to do anything about it…that’s why.”

If anybody has this clip or an actual transcript, please email it to me.  I’d love to see David Stern squirm with my own two eyes.

This is a fact – if every player in the NBA acted like LeBron James, the league would degenerate into a technical foul-ridden joke and everybody would be asking why the NBA is such a classless pile of crap.  Or the league would degenerate into a no-holds-barred slugfest where fouls are never called and everybody would be asking why the NBA is such a classless pile of crap.  Either way, David Stern should probably consider the long-term ramifications of allowing this LeBron-related bullshit to go down game after game, series after series, year after year.


A Shining Beacon of Truth

23 Apr

Tom Knott of the Washington Times: shining beacon of truth, real American hero.

As horrifying as the reality of this annual LeBron James playoff nightmare may be, there is at least one sportswriter who is willing to speak the truth. One free-thinking champion willing to rage against the shreaking horde of glassy-eyed sportscenter zombies, Stephen A. Smith-style jerkfaces, repetitive-ass analysists, and catch phrase-pandering television announcers: Tom Knott of the Washington Times. God bless you, sir. You are my hero.

I imagine that poor Tom has finally gotten to the point where he simply can’t take the shameless LeBron nonsense anymore. Covering the Wizards for the Washington Times and watching the same shit go down for three years in a row has to be beyond painful. After game 1, he probably found himself at the same point I found myself two years ago when I was actually motivated enough to start up this dumb site. Tom matter-of-factly just puts it all out there in his column. Clearly, he has stopped trying to be a “good” sportswriter of the Michael Wilbon mold. I linked his two articles below. Read them. Then read some pro-Cavs articles from the Cleveland rag of your choice. Then compare both types of articles to ESPN or SI articles. Hmmm, funny how close the “objective” sports media outlets are to Cavs-centric hacks. And it’s not like Tom Knott’s columns are fueled by a blind love for the Wizards. He pulls no punches when it comes to trashing the Wizards for their crappy play in both articles.

So – here are the articles, read them for yourself (if the links have expired, just google “Tom Knott” and the name of the article):

LeBron should go back to class (April 20)

Oh, these foul forces of evil (April 23)

First, Tom Knott calls out LeBron for that bullshit elbow from game 1. He brazenly suggests that…gasp…LeBron should be suspended for elbowing some guy in the face. Imagine that! So outrageous and controversial!

LeBron James should be suspended from Game 2 after being unable to control his inner bully yesterday.

James deposited an elbow in the face of Andray Blatche with 11 seconds left in the first quarter. He then twice threatened to drop an elbow on Brendan Haywood, first to his groin region and then to his face, after the two became tangled near the end of the first half.

In the second article, Knott focuses on Mike Brown’s ridiculous argument that LeBron is a hopeless victim of a Washington Wizards’ evil campaign of ultra-violence:

Brown said: “Washington has come out and said, ‘Hey, they’re going to hit LeBron. They’re going to hit LeBron. They’re going to hit LeBron.’ You can’t have grown men saying, ‘I’m going to go hit somebody.’ If that’s the case, we, the NBA and the officials cannot allow anything to get out of hand, and they have to keep control over the game on both sides.”

It also should be pointed out that the best blow delivered in the series so far was the one James administered to Andray Blatche in Game 1. It was a James-inspired forearm to Blatche’s jaw that the three referees apparently missed, just as they miss the hop, skip and jump that James sometimes employs on his way to the basket.

Most importantly, Knott says what everybody knows, but nobody says…that the league tacitly (or possibly actively) encourages calls consistently favorable to LeBron:

This is not to endorse the notion the referees are persuaded by Brown’s fantasy [that the Wizards are violent thugs out to get King James].

They are persuaded by the dictates of the league office, which in turn is persuaded by the marketing power of James.

So he is not the Chosen One. He is the Bubble Player.

And woe to the player who karate chops his head in the manner of Anderson Varejao taking down Blatche in Game 2.

I have a little warning for Cleveland fans: you worship LeBron James now, but you have created a monster. Precisely the kind of monster who would bail on his home team for more money, more glory, more whatever. He already roots for the Yankees at an Indians playoff game, you idiots. The more you encourage LeBron’s bullshit now, the more it will grow like a weed, and the harder it will be to stomach when he turns on you. What are you going to do when LeBron shows up at Quicken Loans Arena wearing a Knicks jersey? What are you going to do when he elbows a Cavs player in the face? What are you going to do when eliminates the Cavs form the playoffs with a charge and a travel in the final seconds of game 7? Shamelessly root for this asshole at your own peril, morons.