Tag Archives: bricklaying

LeBron Delivers the Most Amazing Pep Talk in History

8 Jun

This, my friends, is the stuff legends are made of. Thirty years from now, this will be referred to as “*The* Pep Talk.”  LBJ is this generation’s JFK and MLK rolled into one. He is truly a Renaissance man.

What more can LeBron do to prop up his loser team? First the man delivers this truly inspiring speech, then he scores almost TEN points. For fuck’s sake, people!

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Nice jump shot!

26 May

11-28 from the field.  24 free throws.  Very impressive…if you’re (present-day) Allen Iverson.  Blindfolded.  Playing without a coach like it’s 2001.

CLEVELAND CAVALIERS
STARTERS MIN FGM-A 3PM-A FTM-A OREB DREB REB AST STL BLK TO PF +/- PTS
LeBron James, SF 42 11-28 1-8 18-24 0 7 7 9 2 1 2 3 -12 41
7*CLANG*

*CLANG*

LeBron clearly got the help he needed from the refs.  Guess he needed more.  He made exactly two shots from beyond one inch, yet he still wound up with over 40 points.  Still no jumpshot.  Amazing.  You’ve earned this massive ostrich egg, MVP:

lebron-lays-an-ostrich-egg

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LeBron Travel TV

22 May

I have just discovered a fantastic LeBron website (thanks, Tamislav), LeBron Travel TV. It’s a youtube video channel devoted to the documentation of LeBron’s bumbling and stumbling bullshit. The camera doesn’t lie.

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LeBron’s single MVP vote…

12 May

I think I just found out where that one MVP vote came from…

I LOVE LEBRON JAMES

Okay, it was me.

Really? More of this underrated shit? These dudes have some nerve. First of all, even if LeBron were to average 37 points a game in this series, he would still be overrated. Why is this? Because he is so highly rated by the sportswriting world that he couldn’t possibly be underrated or even properly rated. Unless he pulls a 50- point triple- double masterpiece every game, he can never live up to his hype. Therefore, he is overrated. Period. Now, consider the garbage games LeBron has been producing as of late, and this argument dissolves into complete nonsense.

This guy peddles the tired “no supporting cast” crap we’ve all heard a thousand times, which holds no water as far as I’m concerned. If LeBron truly is the MVP, then all his team would need to do is get him open looks for him to rain down jumpers. They are doing just that. In fact, the Celtics are giving away open jumpers to the Princess of Ohio. LeBron’s is flat-out missing them, hence the stats. Can you imagine what would happen if a team gave almost any other top 10 player so many open looks? They’d slaughter some jerks. This no supporting cast argument is just plain silly at worst, some kind of chicken and egg thing at best. Z is definitely a top center, slow goofball that he is. Ben Wallace, despite the fact that he is the only player in the league that can regularly chuck up airballs from 2 feet, is still a top defensive player. And then there are the many solid role players on the Cavs. Joe Smith and Delonte West – see last game.

I’d like to think that this guy doesn’t really believe LeBron is underrated and that he was just looking for an attention-getting headline. That’s the impression the article left me with, despite all the LeBron praise contained within. He makes a few good points. However, you can’t type this:

When James was going 2-for-18 in Game 1 or 6-of-24 in Game 2, there were questions about how so prodigious a talent could shoot so badly. But another perspective could have been, Why doesn’t it happen more often?

…and still believe that LeBron is somehow underrated. Two consecutive playoff disasters in a row? That’s unforgivable. He’s stretching with “But…why doesnt’ it happen more often” and he has to know it.

One good thing about this article – some really insightful Knicks gossip:

One of many reasons why the Knicks hired coach Mike D’Antoni was to pursue James in 2010, when he can opt out (along with Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh) at the same time New York may have the room to offer him a max contract. Provided they can clear enough cap space, D’Antoni’s new Knicks would offer James the ultimate stage in New York as well as an up-tempo, open-court style featuring all of his skills. Before Game 3, James referred to D’Antoni as “an offensive mastermind,” a compliment that must send chills up the spine of Cleveland’s management.

Good stuff. Oh man – I can’t wait. When LeBron goes to the Knicks, I can change the web page colors! And Cavs fans will stop sending me hate mail! And, like most people, I hate the Knicks anyway, so it will be an easy transition.

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LeBron continues bricklaying without a union card, cusses out his poor mom

12 May

Wow. So LeBron actually cussed out his mom on National TV. And he even admitted so much in a post-game interview. Yes, my friends, this actually happened.

Late in the first half, Pierce tried to wrap up James to prevent a breakaway dunk and the two of them spun into the expensive seats behind the basket, at which point James’ mother, Gloria, jumped into the fray to give Pierce a piece of her mind. Even as Pierce’s arms were wrapped around him, James was yelling at his mother to back away. “The commissioner doesn’t care if it’s your mother or your kids: You can’t allow fans and players to get involved with each other,” said James. “I told her to sit down in some language I shouldn’t have used. Thank god today wasn’t Mothers Day

Look, this is definitely hilarious, but I think LeBron actually did the right thing here, so I’m not going to rag on him too much. He was only doing what he had to do in order to protect Paul Pierce from his mom’s violent (and possibly drunken) rage. And in doing so, was also protecting his mom from the slammer. Commendable.

LeBron James vs. Gloria James

LeBron: $&#@!

KG: Dude! What the hell is wrong with you? Calm down and stop cussin’ out that poor lady!

LeBron: That’s my mom!

KG: Oh…

Paul Pierce: [instantly lets go of LeBron’s arm]

On to the game – the Celts somehow dropped another game on the road despite LeBron’s continued sucking (7-20 shooting, 5-8 at the line). The announcers were forced to fall back on the “even when it appears that LeBron sucks, he ‘creates’ and is therefore actually awesome” bullshit. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.

Stats recap through four games:

From the floor: 20-78 (25%)

Percentage of points from free throws: 40

In pictogram form:

LeBron lays an egg against the CelticsLeBron lays an egg against the CelticsLeBron lays an egg against the CelticsLeBron lays an egg against the Celtics

Go back and read that “Is LeBron Underrated ?” article now (from a couple of posts ago). Yeah, that thing stood the test of time. He might want to rethink that whole “LeBron has no help from his anonymous loser teammates” part of the argument.

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Jeff van Gundy is a tool, a clown, and a gump

10 May

No thanks to LeBron, the Cavs won a home game against the Celtics. Congrats, guys! You are now on the level of the mighty Atlanta Hawks! LeBron laid a third consecutive egg (5-16 shooting) and was predictably bailed out by the refs (8-12 from the line).

While the game itself (LeBron flopping, faking, charging) was bad, Jeff van Gundy was worse. He was absolutely unbearable. He was so bad that the five minutes he spent discussing Chinese-owned markets actually turned out to be the high point of his commentary. Anything to drown out the sound of LeBron loudly clanking jumpshots off of the front of the rim, I suppose – whether it’s LeBrown-nosing or irrelevant BS.

It’ really funny how it’s impossible to get anything resembling informative commentary from a game involving LeBron James. Jeff van Gundy simply refused to let up on LeBron glorification no. matter. what. TNT was so desperate for some LeBron magic that it had the nerve to run an obnoxious LeBron video montage right in the middle of a particularly bad stretch of his suckfest. This kind of crap validates my suspicion that there really is some kind of pro-LeBron agenda and a pro-LeBron script the announcers are asked to follow. How else would you explain the absurd timing of the montage? It was totally inappropriate, especially considering the amazing games Joe Smith and Delonte West were having. Why not a montage of Joe Smith nailing seven consecutive shots? Delonte West draining a bunch of threes? Guess TNT feels they have to throw the zombie horde some LeBron-flavored brains between beer commercials. Sadly, they’re probably right.

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OVER-RATED

8 May

“OVER-RATED”

– an arena full of spectators

Box Score:

OstrichLeBron lays an egg against the CelticsLeBron lays an egg against the CelticsLeBrickCeltics beat Lebron

(LeBron chokes again)

LeBron fun facts through game two of the Celtics series:

Humiliating blowouts suffered: 1

Shot percentage: 19% (8 for 42 )

Turnovers: 17

Percentage of total points from free throws: 52% (!)

Game-tying layups missed with 9 seconds left: 1

Stat whores live by the stat sheet, stat whores die by the stat sheet. LeBron is getting murdered by the stat sheet.

Considering LeBron’s humiliating chokefest, I (half) expected the announcers to finally get off LeBron’s nuts for a while, if only to spare him the public criticism he so obviously deserved. However, defying all common sense, the ESPN crew actually ramped up the LeBrown-nosing as the second half progressed! Unbelievable. The crew busted out multiple Jordan/Oscar Robertson comparisons and even brought up last year’s Pistons game three or four times. Pathetic. Here’s a novel idea, ESPN: why don’t you encourage your announcers to discuss the actual accomplishments of the winning players (at least while their victory is in progress!) instead of praising the past victories and imaginary future accomplishments of loser-ass LeBron James in the midst of his worst meltdown ever.

Best part of game 2? LeBron’s inability to do anything right. When LeBron realized he couldn’t make a jumpshot to save his life, he resorted to his patented blind bull-rush tactics. Unfortunately for LeBron, he also couldn’t make a layup to save his life. The Celtics then decided to pile into the paint and give LeBron free looks from the three-point line. He badly bricked every single wide-open shot. Good game plan, Celtics.

Most ridiculous part of game 2? With 6 seconds left on the game clock, the refs called travelling on the Celtics as they were walking the ball up the court. They actually blew the whistle and gave the ball back to the Cavs, who then had to walk out the clock themselves. Nice.

I hope the refs are such sticklers for the rules the next time LeBron shamelessly travels with 6 seconds remaining on the game clock. Jerks.

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LeBron fails to defend a layup, misses a layup to lose

30 Apr

LeBron is a goat
I should have passed the ball to Delonte West! Also, you gonna eat that aluminum can? Cause I’ll eat it, is all I’m sayin’.

You’d think LeBron had a legendary game by his scoring line and the BS announcer talk. However, he shot 8-21. Not so good. And he made 15 of his 34 points from the line. Thanks, refs. Those five turnovers were also a nice touch.

Box Score:

Player

FG

3P

FT

A

TO

PTS

GAME-LOSING CHOKES

LeBron James, SF

8-21

3-9

15-18

7

5

34

1*

*missed layup

The moments following LeBrick’s missed layup were unbearably tense for me, let me tell you. Even when you beat LeBron James, you can’t properly relish in the victory because you never know when the zebras might blow the super-late whistle. Caron’s quote demonstrates this sad reality:

Butler said he celebrated late, after James’ shot fell away and the confetti for victories stayed penned in the rafters, when he saw his teammates walking to the locker room. “I saw the Philadelphia game,” he said.

Even with Z shoving a Wizard into the play to manufacture a foul (just as he did against the Sixers – nice try, asshole), the refs didn’t have shit to go on. Wizards win game 5.

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Worst Playoff Loss in Cavs History

25 Apr

Wow. A 36 point blowout. Worst in Cavaliers history, apparently. And the Wizards didn’t need to victimize LeBron with hard fouls, elbow anybody in the face, or entice the refs to throw out the Cav’s best big man to make it happen. Best of all, Soulja Boy was there to see the whole thing. Sadly, LeBron’s good friend Jay Z was not able to make the game.

Best part of the game apart from Stevenson lighting it up? Caron Butler ripping the ball out of LeBron’s hands, running the length of the floor, and dunking. Oh yeah, the constant booing every time LeBron touched the ball and the chants of “overrated!” when LeBron went to the foul line late in the game were also pretty satisfying.

LeBron saw quite a bit of this tonight:

DeShawn Stevenson - suck it LeBron

I can’t feel my face!

Getting blown out in franchise record-breaking fashion – another fine addition to the ever-growing list of LeBron’s accomplishements.

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