Check out LeBron’s custom t-shirts! Arrogant. Narcissistic. Insecure. Pathetic.
He sure put those pretenders to the throne in their place. Who needs rings WHEN YOU GOT STATS!?
I can’t think of many people, even many professional athletes, that are this purely egotistical. LeBro is an exceptional specimen.
Main Entry: 1pull a LeBron
Pronunciation: \?pu?l ? l?-brä?’ also ?p?l ? l?-brä?’\
Function: transitive verb
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English pullian; akin to Middle Low German pulen to shell, combined with proper noun LeBron/LeBron James [exp], contemporary
Date: 2009
transitive verb 1 a: to become humiliated by an inferior member of peer-group b : to refuse to acknowledge failure [ref] c : to strain abnormally in order to prevent exposure of embarrassment d : willful suppression evidence (of failure)
Let’s examine a sequence of events so compelling that they necessitated an expansion of the English language itself:
LeBron gets dunked on by a college kid.
Nike, in a disastrous lapse in judgment, quickly confiscates the tapes.
Shit blows up.
Oh my. This is a story. If you’ll remember, LeBron was blocked by a high school kid at his camp a few years ago. And he was badly beaten in a game of horse by a warehouse worker in 2008. That was well-documented. So while this wasn’t the first time LeBron was humiliated by a mere mortal, it was certainly his most public humiliation.
Soon after this story broke, Philip Rivers was showed-up by a high schooler at his camp. So perfect. ”Getting LeBron’d” officially enters the lexicon.
Is LeBron’s ego really this fragile? Is Nike really this over-protective of their little baby? Yes and yes.
100% hilarious:
11-28 from the field. 24 free throws. Very impressive…if you’re (present-day) Allen Iverson. Blindfolded. Playing without a coach like it’s 2001.
| CLEVELAND CAVALIERS | ||||||||||||||
| STARTERS | MIN | FGM-A | 3PM-A | FTM-A | OREB | DREB | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TO | PF | +/- | PTS |
| LeBron James, SF | 42 | 11-28 | 1-8 | 18-24 | 0 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 2 | 1 | 2 | 3 | -12 | 41 |
*CLANG*
LeBron clearly got the help he needed from the refs. Guess he needed more. He made exactly two shots from beyond one inch, yet he still wound up with over 40 points. Still no jumpshot. Amazing. You’ve earned this massive ostrich egg, MVP:
Whoa. LeBrick just got embarrassed by some regular dude in H-O-R-S-E during some Cub-Cadet charity game a little while back. Bet LeBron is probably questioning the wisdom of that lame Cub Cadet sponsorship now, isn’t he? First he is forced to pitch riding lawnmowers to lazy fat guys such as myself in some of the lamest commercials I’ve ever seen. Then those jerks at Cub Cadet throw poor LeBron to the wolves in some charity event. And by wolves I mean some regular dude who works in a factory and probably got cut by his high school basketball team so he was forced to play H-O-R-S-E by himself. Ouch.
If LeBron’s pathetic shot percentages in last year’s playoffs weren’t enough to get him off his ass and improve his ugly-ass jump shot, maybe this will do the trick.
How many more charity games do you think LeBron will take part in after this? I’m guessing zero.
Ha Ha!
|
0:25 |
LeBron James misses 5-foot jumper |
88-91 |
|
0:16 |
LeBron James misses free throw 1 of 2 |
88-93 |
|
0:05 |
LeBron James misses 26-foot three point jumper |
92-97 |
Game 7 was vintage LeBron James. A bunch of stat-whoring followed by an abysmal failure to come through in the clutch.
This is a stone-cold fact, all you LeBron homers out there – with the game in his hands, LeBron blew it. If LeBron made the 6 points above instead of bricking them, the Cavs would have won the game. That’s it.
The only shot taken by another Cavalier in the last 30 seconds was a three-pointer by Pavlovic – and he nailed it, so it wasn’t the weakness of the supporting cast that did the Cavs in. 38 year-old PJ Brown came off the *couch* to make all three of his fourth quarter shots to finish out the game for the Celtics. If you aren’t as clutch as PJ Brown, do you deserve the title of “King” (even of Ohio)? Have you earned the right to refer to yourself in the third person? Nope.
On to LeBron’s final game of the season. Obviously he scored a bunch of points. Obviously Paul Pierce scored a bunch of points. Whatever. What struck me most about the game is how unbelievably transparent LeBron’s strategy is, especially in big games. He’s the snot-nosed kid who reverts to the same cheesy supermove to win at a video game over and over again.
Here’s a step-by-step description of LeBron’s “how to win at basketball” system:
Step 1 – Try to make a few jumpers with no regard to how off-balance or forced the shots may be. Also, do not take into account how well-defended you are. You are the Chosen One and you are immune from all implications of the phrase “shot selection.” Proceed to step 2.
Step 2 – If jump shots are going in, repeat step 1. If jump shots are clanging off of the iron, go to step 3.
Step 3 – Employ the invincible “bull charge” supermove! Begin putting your head down and driving to the hoop on every possession, taking advantage of the knowledge that even obvious travels and charges will be ignored by refs. Occasionally dish the ball to a wide-open teammate whilst driving to the hoop, getting credit for “creating” with “brilliant passing.” If you are having trouble hitting layups because there are 800 pounds worth of centers and forwards standing in the lane, go to step 4, you might be playing against what they call a “defense.”
Step 4 – Cry and pout every time an opposing player lays a finger on you, grease the refs, and rack up free throws. This should negate “defense.” *
Step 5 – If a comfortable lead is gained at any point during the game, go back to step 1 if desired. However, if the game is close in the fourth quarter, lock into step 3. If you are getting blown out, commence stat-whoring by an means necessary.
*this strategy may be used in conjunction with any other strategy at any time
My friends, I have watched enough LeBron James playoff games to know that he pulls this crap every single game. LeBron’s ability to rack up points is only limited to how badly he is willing to abuse this tried-and-true system. I think we’re almost (but not quite) to the point where LeBron has worn out his welcome with this bullshit. Eventually, commentators are going to tire of bailing him out every night. For shit’s sake, LeBron had five terrible games in a row against the Celtics but still received overwhelmingly favorable coverage. At some point, shills like Jeff van Gundy are going to have to seriously consider that even ESPN’s core demographic – brainwashed moron kids – might lose respect for them. What remains of their credibility is at stake. Selfish motives are going to kick in at some point if these announcers ever want to land another head coaching job. Non-Cleveland crowds are totally sick of LeBron, that’s clear. In Boston, LeBron even got a strong “bullshit” chant from the crowd that went on for 5 minutes and was easily audible on national television. And you know the network’s sound guys were trying to suppress it the entire time. In order for such a strong chant to get going, moms, dads, grandmothers, and little kids must have been joining in. Hilarious.
Worst part of the game? LeBron’s eye rake on Paul Pierce. Wow. LeBron even had the nerve to throw a hissy fit over it, even though the whole thing was confirmed by replay. Eye rakes? For real? That’s some dirty Rowdy Roddy Piper bullshit. What a jerk.
No matter. All is well that ends well. It’s game over for LeBron and his circus of bullshit.
One more time:
Up big right before halftime and playing pretty well the entire first half (he even made three jumpshots!), LeBron had the chance to turn the series in his favor with a crucial away win. All he had to do was maintain some kind of respectable offensive output in the second half. So what did the NBA’s premier superstar do? He faded like a chump and blew it:
3rd quarter: ouch.
4th quarter: ouch.
When all was said and done, all the foul shots in the world couldn’t help LeBron pull it out (11-13 from the line). His anti-clutch second half performance was rewarded with a big, fat L.
Luckily, I saw the game at a bar, so I was spared the commentary.
Wow. So LeBron actually cussed out his mom on National TV. And he even admitted so much in a post-game interview. Yes, my friends, this actually happened.
Late in the first half, Pierce tried to wrap up James to prevent a breakaway dunk and the two of them spun into the expensive seats behind the basket, at which point James’ mother, Gloria, jumped into the fray to give Pierce a piece of her mind. Even as Pierce’s arms were wrapped around him, James was yelling at his mother to back away. “The commissioner doesn’t care if it’s your mother or your kids: You can’t allow fans and players to get involved with each other,” said James. “I told her to sit down in some language I shouldn’t have used. Thank god today wasn’t Mothers Day
Look, this is definitely hilarious, but I think LeBron actually did the right thing here, so I’m not going to rag on him too much. He was only doing what he had to do in order to protect Paul Pierce from his mom’s violent (and possibly drunken) rage. And in doing so, was also protecting his mom from the slammer. Commendable.
LeBron: $&#@!
KG: Dude! What the hell is wrong with you? Calm down and stop cussin’ out that poor lady!
LeBron: That’s my mom!
KG: Oh…
Paul Pierce: [instantly lets go of LeBron's arm]
On to the game – the Celts somehow dropped another game on the road despite LeBron’s continued sucking (7-20 shooting, 5-8 at the line). The announcers were forced to fall back on the “even when it appears that LeBron sucks, he ‘creates’ and is therefore actually awesome” bullshit. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.
Stats recap through four games:
From the floor: 20-78 (25%)
Percentage of points from free throws: 40
In pictogram form:
Go back and read that “Is LeBron Underrated ?” article now (from a couple of posts ago). Yeah, that thing stood the test of time. He might want to rethink that whole “LeBron has no help from his anonymous loser teammates” part of the argument.
- an arena full of spectators
Box Score:
(
)
LeBron fun facts through game two of the Celtics series:
Humiliating blowouts suffered: 1
Shot percentage: 19% (8 for 42 )
Turnovers: 17
Percentage of total points from free throws: 52% (!)
Game-tying layups missed with 9 seconds left: 1
Stat whores live by the stat sheet, stat whores die by the stat sheet. LeBron is getting murdered by the stat sheet.
Considering LeBron’s humiliating chokefest, I (half) expected the announcers to finally get off LeBron’s nuts for a while, if only to spare him the public criticism he so obviously deserved. However, defying all common sense, the ESPN crew actually ramped up the LeBrown-nosing as the second half progressed! Unbelievable. The crew busted out multiple Jordan/Oscar Robertson comparisons and even brought up last year’s Pistons game three or four times. Pathetic. Here’s a novel idea, ESPN: why don’t you encourage your announcers to discuss the actual accomplishments of the winning players (at least while their victory is in progress!) instead of praising the past victories and imaginary future accomplishments of loser-ass LeBron James in the midst of his worst meltdown ever.
Best part of game 2? LeBron’s inability to do anything right. When LeBron realized he couldn’t make a jumpshot to save his life, he resorted to his patented blind bull-rush tactics. Unfortunately for LeBron, he also couldn’t make a layup to save his life. The Celtics then decided to pile into the paint and give LeBron free looks from the three-point line. He badly bricked every single wide-open shot. Good game plan, Celtics.
Most ridiculous part of game 2? With 6 seconds left on the game clock, the refs called travelling on the Celtics as they were walking the ball up the court. They actually blew the whistle and gave the ball back to the Cavs, who then had to walk out the clock themselves. Nice.
I hope the refs are such sticklers for the rules the next time LeBron shamelessly travels with 6 seconds remaining on the game clock. Jerks.
I should have passed the ball to Delonte West! Also, you gonna eat that aluminum can? Cause I’ll eat it, is all I’m sayin’.
You’d think LeBron had a legendary game by his scoring line and the BS announcer talk. However, he shot 8-21. Not so good. And he made 15 of his 34 points from the line. Thanks, refs. Those five turnovers were also a nice touch.
Box Score:
|
Player |
FG |
3P |
FT |
A |
TO |
PTS |
GAME-LOSING CHOKES |
|
LeBron James, SF |
8-21 |
3-9 |
15-18 |
7 |
5 |
34 |
1* |
*missed layup
The moments following LeBrick’s missed layup were unbearably tense for me, let me tell you. Even when you beat LeBron James, you can’t properly relish in the victory because you never know when the zebras might blow the super-late whistle. Caron’s quote demonstrates this sad reality:
Butler said he celebrated late, after James’ shot fell away and the confetti for victories stayed penned in the rafters, when he saw his teammates walking to the locker room. “I saw the Philadelphia game,” he said.
Even with Z shoving a Wizard into the play to manufacture a foul (just as he did against the Sixers – nice try, asshole), the refs didn’t have shit to go on. Wizards win game 5.
