Lookalikes!

8 May

Something occured to me as I was watching Mike Brown’s sideline interview during tonight’s game:

Mike Brown……………………………..Mr. Potato Head

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OVER-RATED

8 May

“OVER-RATED”

– an arena full of spectators

Box Score:

OstrichLeBron lays an egg against the CelticsLeBron lays an egg against the CelticsLeBrickCeltics beat Lebron

(LeBron chokes again)

LeBron fun facts through game two of the Celtics series:

Humiliating blowouts suffered: 1

Shot percentage: 19% (8 for 42 )

Turnovers: 17

Percentage of total points from free throws: 52% (!)

Game-tying layups missed with 9 seconds left: 1

Stat whores live by the stat sheet, stat whores die by the stat sheet. LeBron is getting murdered by the stat sheet.

Considering LeBron’s humiliating chokefest, I (half) expected the announcers to finally get off LeBron’s nuts for a while, if only to spare him the public criticism he so obviously deserved. However, defying all common sense, the ESPN crew actually ramped up the LeBrown-nosing as the second half progressed! Unbelievable. The crew busted out multiple Jordan/Oscar Robertson comparisons and even brought up last year’s Pistons game three or four times. Pathetic. Here’s a novel idea, ESPN: why don’t you encourage your announcers to discuss the actual accomplishments of the winning players (at least while their victory is in progress!) instead of praising the past victories and imaginary future accomplishments of loser-ass LeBron James in the midst of his worst meltdown ever.

Best part of game 2? LeBron’s inability to do anything right. When LeBron realized he couldn’t make a jumpshot to save his life, he resorted to his patented blind bull-rush tactics. Unfortunately for LeBron, he also couldn’t make a layup to save his life. The Celtics then decided to pile into the paint and give LeBron free looks from the three-point line. He badly bricked every single wide-open shot. Good game plan, Celtics.

Most ridiculous part of game 2? With 6 seconds left on the game clock, the refs called travelling on the Celtics as they were walking the ball up the court. They actually blew the whistle and gave the ball back to the Cavs, who then had to walk out the clock themselves. Nice.

I hope the refs are such sticklers for the rules the next time LeBron shamelessly travels with 6 seconds remaining on the game clock. Jerks.

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LeBron gets a single measly MVP vote

7 May

Read how LeBron manages only a single MVP vote.

And this despite leading the league in scoring. So who voted for LeBron, anyway? Hmmmm:

Balls!

I have to comment on Kobe’s MVP selection, which basically amounts to a lifetime achievement award. It’s totally bogus. I don’t care how good of a season the Lakers had. Kevin Garnett took a complete disaster of a team and turned it into the league’s best team in a single season. In fact, it was the biggest single-season win/loss turnaround in the history of the league. How the hell did KG not get MVP for that alone? And I don’t buy the “west is a tougher conference” bullshit. Who cares? KG was definitely the most valuable player in the entire league. If LeBron and Ray Allen went to the Heat next year and won 60 games (Dwyane Wade = Paul Pierce in this scenario), LeBron would win MVP with a 100% margin of victory in the voting. That’s just the truth.

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LeBron defined by urbandictionary.com

6 May

“lebron” – urbandictionary.com:

1. To place an unearned amount of hype on something without having any experience with said thing.

2. To elevate an ordinary and unspectacular thing or event to a level of great historical importance.

3. To be overzealously devoted to a person or idea based on the fact that the person or idea is constantly repeated by the hypnotized masses.

4. A member of Cleveland’s NBA team, the Cavaliers, also known as the Lebrons due to the fact that media coverage leads most to believe there is no one other than Lebron James on the team and that he is solely responsible for EVERYTHING positive that happens to this franchise.

1. “Damn man, that spaghetti looks good from a distance, therefore, it’s the best spaghetti ever.”

“You haven’t even tasted it, stop Lebroning!”

2. “Oh shit, did you feel that gust of wind!?!? Man, that must have been the hardest gust of wind ever!!”

“What are you talking about?? It’s been windy all day, stop pulling a Lebron!”

3. “Iraq has weapons of mass destruction! Saddam is responsible for 911! Lebron James is the greatest basketball player of all time!”

“You’re a hypnotized Lebron!”

4. “Hey man, did you see the Pacers-Lebrons game last night?”

“Yeah, I liked when that one Lebron with the blonde hair made that block in the third quarter.”

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Sooo many crybabies

5 May

Read how Papa John’s “Crybaby” LeBron shirt upsets crybaby Cavs fans

LeBron, you are a crybaby. Cavs fans, you are a bunch of crybabies. That shit is a fact. And oh, the irony of people being big ol’ crybabies reacting to a shirt calling their player a crybaby. Clevelanders need to start reading more literary works or something and grow a fucking sense of irony already.

LeBron is a crybaby, Cavs fans are crybabies

Of course, Papa Johns apologized after being heckled by numerous crying, deeply offended crybabies. Saying stuff and then promptly apologizing the moment some crybaby starts throwing a hissy fit is a proud tradition in these great United States of America. Some jerkoff even started a petition. Righteous champions of justice, click here!: Boycott Papa John’s!

So far, 235 crybabies have signed the petition…well, give or take a few crybabies. I don’t think all of the signatures have been properly scrutinized:

ID
Name
City
Date
204
You Guys are Gay
Crybaby
2008-05-05 16:30:05
205
fuck you and all cry baby fags
better than cleveland
2008-05-05 16:35:14
206
THE CAVS SUCK ASS
NYC
2008-05-05 16:37:33
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David Stern clears a big man out of the lane for LeBron

2 May

Ugh.

As if I needed it, even more ammo. Could this get any more ridiculous? Suspending Songaila for a little half-slap to LeBron is yet another obvious example of the NBA’s protection of their little chosen one.

Here is the clip from some guy’s blog on AOL – watch for yourself.

Listen to Marv Albert go batshit the very moment it goes down. It was as if he was hoping and praying for such a thing to happen the whole time. Way to whip yourself up into a frenzy, old man. What’s the deal? Is the act of constantly represssing a perverted woman-biting fetish keeping you on edge? Chill the fuck out.

Marv Albert - he bites!

YESH!

Definitely one of the lamest suspensions of all time, especially considering all of the non-suspensions as of late. What is this little bitch slap compared to the UFC-caliber elbow LeBron dealt Andre Blatche?  Kobe and LeBron’s elbows from last year’s playoffs? Even Sideshow Bob’s clothesline? Two of those events were even in this series, for crying out loud. Removing every obstacle from LeBron’s path to the finals is the name of the game.  Even if it’s a backup forward on the Wizards.

So, another day, another heaping helping is added to the already sky-high pile of bullshit.

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Dude is a faker

2 May

Ever seen the commercial where LeBron is playing a defense lawyer and exposes some wheelchair-ridden guy as a faker by throwing him a basketball? If you haven’t, you can watch it on the vitaminwater website. I just wanted to point out how perfectly absurd it is that the punchline of the commerical is “dude is a faker” when LeBron himself is the NBA’s most shameless, pathetic faker. You know, irony and all that.

LeBron James is the faker

Glaceau vitaminwater – now infused with 100% USRDA of iron(y)!

Let’s go to the videotape. Game 6. LeBron appears to have been popped in the eye in the lane. LeBron wincing and contorting his face in pain for what seems like an eternity. LeBron blinking and scowling and rubbing his eyes.  Cavs even take a timeout for King James to tend to his horrific boo boo. Replay time. Uh, yeah… LeBron wasn’t touched on the play.  Unbelievable. Of course, many sportswriters’ game recaps referred to the eye-gouge as if it were legit, some even worked it into some kind of LeBron perserverence theme.

What kind of a shameless crybaby goes through that much trouble for a phantom eye-gouge? It’s one thing to play up something that actually happend. It’s another thing entirely to go completely overboard playing up something up that never happend. Worst part about all of this? LeBron must have known that the replays would show him to be a liar and he still did it.

Just sad. Future of the NBA.

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Wizards lose again…sigh

2 May

Last word about the Wizards vs. Cavaliers rivalry – two out of the three series that Cavs have won were handicapped strongly in LeBron’s favor due to injuries as a matter of fact. For the sake of argument, I’ll give LeBron the first series because nobody on the Wizards was really hurt, even though you could easily argue that two of the Cavs wins were due to absolute trash and that was the difference (see early stuff on this site).

As far as the last two series go – bad calls, suspensions, cheating, and travelling aside – injuries were the most important factor, not LeBron’s overwhelming skill. Gilbert and Caron were completely absent from the 2007 series. Enough said. This year, Gilbert was basically playing on one leg and Caron was obviously a wreck due the numerous injuries he had been carrying all season and that ramped up as he tried to compensate for Gil’s absence down the stretch.

LeBron doesn’t exactly own the Wizards, he owns a beat up, injured approximation of the Wizards.

Gilbert Arenas hates LeBron James, too
Whatever, asshole.  Good thing I was fucking crippled.

Bad news, LeBron – ESPNBAvid Stern wants a Celtics/Lakers finals more than anything in the world. That’s right – even more than it/he wants you, Chosen One.

Good luck with KG, buddy!

Yikes:

KG must feast

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The Feud

30 Apr

Alright. I’m sick of the feud, you’re sick of the feud. However, for the sake of completeness, I’m going to provide one last round of updates.

First, I found the actual audio of the Jay Z’s lame Wizards-bashing song.

Not that I’m a rap aficionado, but I can confidently say this some corny crap (refrain is “blow the whistle” followed by cheesy whistle sound effect).

In the first few lines, Jay Z, like LeBron, completely fails to grasp the irony of saying crap like:

Ask my [buddy] LeBron, so big we ain’t gotta respond.

When you’re talking to a don, please respect like you’re talking to your mom

Dude, you can’t say “I am not going to bother responding to you,” proceed to write a song, go through the trouble of driving to the studio and recording an entire track complete with goofy sound effects, and then include a lyric of “I am not going to bother reponding to you” in that very same song. It’s self-contradictory. Whatever, I’ve beat this dead horse, so I’ll move on. After that, the lyrics just get downright strange:

Who the fuck is overrated?

If anything they underpaid him

Hate and [some shit I can’t make out] gonna make him

Spend a night outta spite with the chick you’ve been dating

Whaaa!? Guess Stevenson better watch his chick around LeBron. Or something like that. Weird. Seriously?

Of course Jay Z opens with some crap about Brooklyn this and that. Obvious hint or what?

Okay, so now we have the Jay Z rap covered. Last item of business – I actually found the quote from DeShawn Stevenson describing the origin of the feud (from Scoop Jackson at espn.com):

“[LeBron] said something about my game. He said I’m getting a lot of hype this year, that he doesn’t think I’m the good player I am and basically that I suck, our team sucks and we’re not going anywhere. I took offense to that,” Stevenson was quoted as saying in The New York Times. “If LeBron James never said that comment, we wouldn’t have the rivalry we have right now.”

Okay, that’s it. I hope.

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LeBron fails to defend a layup, misses a layup to lose

30 Apr

LeBron is a goat
I should have passed the ball to Delonte West! Also, you gonna eat that aluminum can? Cause I’ll eat it, is all I’m sayin’.

You’d think LeBron had a legendary game by his scoring line and the BS announcer talk. However, he shot 8-21. Not so good. And he made 15 of his 34 points from the line. Thanks, refs. Those five turnovers were also a nice touch.

Box Score:

Player

FG

3P

FT

A

TO

PTS

GAME-LOSING CHOKES

LeBron James, SF

8-21

3-9

15-18

7

5

34

1*

*missed layup

The moments following LeBrick’s missed layup were unbearably tense for me, let me tell you. Even when you beat LeBron James, you can’t properly relish in the victory because you never know when the zebras might blow the super-late whistle. Caron’s quote demonstrates this sad reality:

Butler said he celebrated late, after James’ shot fell away and the confetti for victories stayed penned in the rafters, when he saw his teammates walking to the locker room. “I saw the Philadelphia game,” he said.

Even with Z shoving a Wizard into the play to manufacture a foul (just as he did against the Sixers – nice try, asshole), the refs didn’t have shit to go on. Wizards win game 5.

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