Game 1 was boring and terrible. However, I did notice that during the 5 or 10 minutes I was away from the game pouring myself whiskey drinks/smoking cigarettes/smashing things, the Mavericks seemed to go on runs. Of course, when I was watching the game, all that LeBron dunking and Dywyaynye Wade three-pointer stuff happened and the Heat won. I figured that if I avoided game 2 completely, the Mavs might have a chance. I was right. Dirk and his geezer friends were able to put up a win on the Cheat in Miami with a crazy 4th quarter comeback (or so I hear).
And I didn’t have to listen to a single sound come out of Jeff van Gundy’s mouth hole. I heard just about enough of that gushing LeBron homer in game 1 to last a lifetime.
Now I won’t be able to help myself. I’ll have to watch game 3, which will probably guarantee some of the most obnoxious LeBron shenanigans yet. Goddamned universe. At least I can hit the mute button. But I won’t.