An Open Letter to Clevelanders

9 Jul

Dearest Cleveland,

You should have listened to me.  As I predicted all along, LeBron James has abandoned you.  You can now see LeBron’s despicable douchebaggery for the despicable douchebaggery that it is.  Actually – it’s less “can now see” and more “you have absolutely no choice but to be forced to watch.”  He took your money, snagged a few MVP trophies, quit on the team, and then hopped on the first (well, second) bus out of town.

I must applaud Dan Gilbert for dropping the truth on that spoiled crybaby in public.  I have never seen such a thing in my entire life.  And I’m so old that I actually smoke a pipe, so that’s saying something.  It’s one thing when the Bernard Watkinses of the world rant on jerks, but it’s another thing entirely when the owner of a sports team goes off on somebody on the record.  In an open letter.  Posted to the team’s official website.  Not surprisingly, EPNBAvid $tern has already mobilized his crack squad of goon journalists to shit all over Mr Gilbert and his message.  But whatever, Dan Gilbert is no Al Davis.  And he speaks the truth.

Unfortunately, it’s not all Kumbayah, assholes.  Frankly, the pain you feel right now is your penance for forcing the rest of the NBA to watch you stroke your rock-hard LeBoner in public for the better part of a decade.  And you deserve it.  Accept your punishment and let the painful truth wash over you.  Embrace it.  Because when the pain subsides, you will be left with only hate.  Let the words of Dan Gilbert inspire you in 20-point comic book font:

You simply don’t deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal…


You can take it to the bank.

If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our “motivation” to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.

I would like to formally welcome you to, Clevelanders.

Thank you.

Bernard G. Watkins

PS:  Rest assured, I am working very hard to switch the site over to Miami Heat’s ugly-ass black, red, and orange color scheme.


40 Responses to “An Open Letter to Clevelanders”

  1. you're a loser July 9, 2010 at 4:43 pm #

    For someone that hates King James so much you sure have invested a lot of time and money (yeah, these little pictures and advertisements are making him richer) into him. Cleveland needs to SACK UP! He left, boohoo, move on. One guy doesn’t make a team but apparently Mike Brown feels like LeBron was his one shining light of hope, he should be fired! As for all the haters, LeBron is the King and there is no argument against it, so when Miami bends your team over next season I hope you don’t take it too hard :)

  2. Liz July 9, 2010 at 7:48 pm #

    Its not so much as his choosing to do it dipshit,it’s how he did it.DG gave in to all of his egotistical demands and got stabbed in the back.

  3. jmak2228 July 9, 2010 at 7:53 pm #

    Lebron james just proved he is NOT king by going to D. Wades team. He can now be the Rodman, Dwade is Jordan, and Bosh can be Pippen. So wish I would have listened early and relized how big of a douch bag LBJ is. IF it was only about leaving it would have been fine, but to do it on national tv and to handle it the way he did just shows that Prince James has no class.

  4. asasa July 9, 2010 at 8:39 pm #

    Dats da GOSPEL TRUTH, bruddah! Couldn’t have said it better myself.

  5. Howard Levine July 9, 2010 at 8:40 pm #

    CONGRATS ON YOUR SITE. People who are not from Cleveland do not understand what it is to be from Cleveland and have been a sports fan for over 50 years.
    Not since 1964 has the thrill been there, and 1948 before that. The curse seems to just keep on rolling, personally for me for 44 years.
    LBJ could have been a real hero and worked to break the curse, instead of taking what seems to be right now the easy way to a ring.
    The curse will follow him, but not so much a curse as karma.
    Clevelanders do believe, they will keep on believing, and one day, God willing while I am still alive, the curse will be lifted. Miami may beat the Cavaliers, but they won’t beat the Lakers. So while Miami may bend us over, make no mistake Miami will themselves be bent over, time and again.
    LeBron could get hurt, or just remember one of his Cleveland teammates is bending his Mama over, and miss the shot again. He choked in Cleveland, he will choke in Miami.

  6. Liz July 9, 2010 at 8:50 pm #

    QueenJames posted this to his twitter account this morning.
    What’s up yall. Just landed in my new home. Thanks to all the fans and Miami organization who greeted me. The Road to History starts now!

  7. imalcolm12 July 9, 2010 at 9:58 pm #

    @You’re a loser

    Please explain to me how Lebron is the “King”. No Seriously, explain to with with logic and reasoning how you came to that conclusion. Don’t call me a hater, don’t tell me I’m just jealous of him, and for the love of god don’t tell me to go drink some haterade. Please explain to me why he is the king, and what exactly is he the king of. If you can do that with calling me a hater and insulting me, I will never criticize Lebron again. Look, Miami could very well go on to win many championships, but weren’t the Cavs also supposed to win the title the last two seasons? I mean, everyone just assumed they would win. Lebron is extremely talented, but he has shown to be a poor leader and to have very questionable competitive drive. I guess I’m just very confused about the “King” Label. And for the record, I don’t blame him for leaving Cleveland. He had every right to do so. It’s just that the way he did it showed an immaturity and lack of class that a 2 year old might display.

  8. traubster July 9, 2010 at 10:03 pm #

    In light of what has happened, I agree with a lot of what you say. However, I don’t understand why you’re so hard on Clevelanders. I was born in Akron and raised in Akron. I’ve ALWAYS been a Cleveland fan. You can’t blame us for getting excited that one of our own was slated to potentially be the best basketball player of all time. I rode the Lebron train for a while.

    I started getting sick of him when some of my friends suggested we go down to the Zips stadium for Lebron appreciation day. I mean, short of handing out big, black dildos with his name on them and gagging ourselves while we plead for his loyalty, I’m not sure any amount of lame-ass pandering would’ve helped.

    Part of me is immensely saddened by the sense of betrayal and part of me is relieved we don’t have to endure with any more hyped-up disappointment from the guy. I hope he breaks his fucking ankle. Do you know Tonya Harding number?

  9. Columbus145 July 9, 2010 at 10:34 pm #

    I stumbled on this site today has a disappointed Cavs fan. My eyes opened were opened yesterday, I feel like a hypocrite, and it’s depressing to now acknowledge the things I willfully overlooked while LeEgomaniac was in Cleveland;

    Lebron’s moves are bullshit, he scores an absurd number of points from bogus free throws gained smashing toward the hoop like a running back while traveling. Easier to overlook when he’s scoring for my team, but for the last several years it’s been hard to fight the underlying sense that this is all a conspiracy, and that the powers that be have decided he is great and are forcing the refs to make it true.

    Lebron is easily the least humble athlete/celebrity in recent memory. Listen to the interviews he has given after games. “I’ve done a lot of great things in my career” or “I refer to myself in the third person in every interview”. Man alive, this drivel must have been hard to stand for people outside of Ohio. And no, you haven’t done anything in your career. Go win in the postseason, you dickhead, before you talk about doing great things. Again, easily forgivable when he is the one ray of hope in an otherwise miserable sports town. A little disgusting to sit and think about now.

    Lebron has never give a shit about Cleveland or Ohio. Maybe Akron, but I doubt it. Lebron cares about Lebron. Like so many other disillusioned Ohioans, I made believe that there really was a deeper side to Lebron, beyond the egomaniacal interviews and self-indulgent reality show-style airing of his decision. We all wanted to believe that deep down, he was one of us, he cared about Ohio and would ride it out like we all have. He must have said 10 times during his one hour pukefest yesterday “I had to worry only about what would make ME happy”. Indeed. Not like he didn’t give us every reason to believe that he was this much of a self-absorbed, sheltered, overgrown child. But we were desperate idiots and we overlooked all that because, shit, it’s Lebron.

    Lebron will never win a championship like Jordan or Kobe have. He might win a championship, but he cannot be the main threat on a championship team. His stats are padded by the ridiculous calls he gets, and the obscene percentage of possessions he controls every game, and everyone buys into the Nike/ESPN nonsense shoved down our throats that he is great. Give any decent player free reign like that and they will have ridiculous stats. The fact is, the man is not clutch in the playoffs, his only hope is to report to the dream team in Miami (who will not be able to figure it out enough to win, mark my words). He does not have the killer instinct, or the depth of personality to strive for greatness. He is an average to under-intelligent 25 year-old with absurd athleticism, but he is not the chosen one, or the king, or anything that is good for the game. I shudder at the thought of listening to commentators kiss his ass for the next 10 years.

    I have spent 7 years looking past his imperfections, in the hope that I was wrong, or he would grow, or something. He sucks, and I must acknowledge that now. I hate him. I hope you make it to the Finals for the next five years Lebron, and I hope Kobe, Pau, Ron, and the boys send you whining back to the locker room without shaking their hands, talking about how important winning is to you and how much you care about your team. Sleep well with the knowledge that the city that supported you and watched you become a superstar now hates you, along with itself, for willfully pulling the wool over it’s own eyes.

  10. You are a bigger loser July 9, 2010 at 10:46 pm #

    HaHa oh man, I guess for a moron like you it takes an entire day of “invested time” to write a couple of paragraphs! As for Lebron being the King….. the king of what? Oh I know… being a pampered douche with fanboys like you I guess. That has no argument against it for sure you smiley face using fairy.

  11. Notsurprised July 10, 2010 at 2:12 am #

    Greed. Ego. Been that way since the Fall. Get used to it. The only loyalty is to oneself. My only wonder is how long it will take before 3 egos and 3 greeds collide….

  12. mike jones July 10, 2010 at 2:39 am #


  13. Tony July 10, 2010 at 4:46 pm #

    Wow. I can’t believe some loser actually created this site and wrote that blog entry. You don’t deserve King James. I hope Miami takes it all.

  14. quenn james July 10, 2010 at 7:14 pm #

    Wow. I can’t believe some loser (you) actually took the time to comment on a blog he thinks is stupid. You deserve Queens James’ nuts in your mouth. I hope Miami loses in the playoffs because the queen chokes AGAIN!

  15. LISTEN BERNARD July 11, 2010 at 2:28 am #

    Watch the video and as soon as video begin, skip on to 1:37

    Lebron says “I love Ohio and I ain’t going no where. I will be here!”

    YOu must write a blog about this LMAO
    TOO funny!

  16. Zoo July 11, 2010 at 12:10 pm #

    Now that he is gone the media does not have to keep quiet all his dirty secrets. Stay tuned because it is all going to come out.

  17. James July 12, 2010 at 1:38 pm #

    Lebron seen make a wrong decision…..

  18. Shanaynay July 12, 2010 at 7:07 pm #

    Lebron is the king its not his fault that the cavs cant take a hit. they had many years to accomplish a title with king james, now the cavs the the impossible challenge of getting one without him. As his years start to get older he needs at least one title and the cavs werent going to helpl him at all. So for all who hate lebron, GET OVER IT!!!!

  19. Gerard July 13, 2010 at 3:06 am #

    Lebron James is a pompous ass and as a Wizards fan I’ve hated him for years (the two game winning travels, to start). He whines and cries for calls and feigns injury even when TV replays show no contact. He’s been babied by refs and league officials, esp. Mr. Stern. He quit on Cleveland and he did in a despicable and reprehensible way. He quit in the playoffs. He didn’t shake hands. He’s full of excuses and arrogance. He hopped on D-Wade’s bandwagon (a true superstar who won a finals single-handed) so he could finally get a ring (I would root for the Lakers if it meant this wouldn’t happen) And above all he has the audacity to call himself a King! The pathetic loser. I fully support Dan Gilbert and his statements.
    So long Lebron, AKA Lequit, LeCrab, Prince James, Lewhine, LeCheat etc. and may I never live to see his Hall of Fame induction.

  20. Chris Kelley July 13, 2010 at 4:17 pm #

    “He’s the King, there’s no argument against it”? Umm…yeah, there IS an argument against it, last I checked? Some guy named KOBE, maybe…who I don’t even like…he’s kinda Excellent and all? And a guy named Dwight Howard, with the Orlando Magic, who beat the Cavs two years back, now? And then there’s the Boston Celtics, who play as a TEAM? Since defense wins championships, maybe they’ll…oh I don’t know…beat LeBron again?

    No argument against the Queen, my ass.

    sentimental fan of Cleveland, because of LeBacle’s bullshit, despite never once even visiting Cleveland

  21. Stan July 14, 2010 at 3:08 am #

    I truly hate this fraud and con man (he threw the Boston series) to the point that it’s becoming unhealthy for me. I frequently have mini day-dreams at work where I imagine him tearing his knee up or his ACL. Sometimes I even imagine him dying of a sudden unexpected heart attack. I know its unhealthy and its just a game and I should forget about it, but its tough.

    I will stop watching the NBA since its obvious beyond a doubt now that Stern has it rigged so the big markets always get the stars. Evidence:

    Former Celtic Kevin McHale trades Kevin Garnett to the Celtics for a bag of nails
    Former Laker GM Jerry West trades Pau Gasol to the Lakers for a bag of hammers…See NBA Rule #1: The Lakers can NEVER be bad for an extended period of time (meaning 2 years max).
    Finally, the conspiracy to bring 3 top 10 players to Miami at the expense of small market Toronto and Cleveland

  22. Patrick July 14, 2010 at 2:40 pm #

    I live in Akron and we all despise Lebron now. Akron officials took down a sign coming into city limits that says, “Welcome to Akron, home of Lebron James.” They took it down. My facebook page counts about 250 of my 300 “friends” (acquaintenances) as Northeast Ohio residents. About 248 of the 250 from NEO posted something generally of this template: Fuck you Lebum.

    Yeah, so fuck that bitch.

  23. justin July 15, 2010 at 12:35 am #

    Congrats lebron, you are now dwayne wades bitch! Pack some soap you’re gonna be washin his back after the games. Pretty bad when your home town f***** despises you! What a let down! Is your mom stayin here with DeLonte or is she gonna move with her baby boy? Do you call him dad now or how does that work? I like how you try to justify letting your home town and state down with the fact that you took less money. What a disgrace, went from the king of cleveland to the queen of miami. The poor homeless in Miami are now stuck wearin your damn jerseys. You better pull over and apologize every time you see one of those unlucky people wearin one. This guy has been compared to one of the greatest players of all time in Michael Jordan. If i were Mike I would be embarassed. He didn’t need three or four hall-of-famers to win title after title. He made it happen with what he had. On behalf of Cleveland, we apologize for dragging your name through the mud Mr. Jordan. You don’t deserve to be compared to a selfish, pompous as*hole. By the way lebron no one even noticed the playoffs against the Celtics. You know the series, you coulda saved the team some money and not even got on the plane because you sure weren’t worth a shit on the court. Good ridance you sorry bastard! Do you need help packin your shit…. never mind Wade is gonna do that for you.

  24. Riley July 15, 2010 at 2:08 am #

    I dont understand it.Lebron literally carried cleveland on his back for 6 years.he lead them to all the wins they had,he led them to the playoffs,and did it almost single handedly.u cant call what the cavaliers had a team because it was one man,Lebron James.i dont like the fact that he declares himself the king,but he was,is,and still will b an amazing player.granted,in the last year the cavs have acquired some great players who wud have been able to help him out,and yes,everyone cud see that lebron practically gave up in the playoffs against Boston,but honestly,it was a one-on-five game every nite.and facing players like allen and pierce practically on your own,anyone else wud have given up to an your lieing to yourself if you think otherwise.the way he answered te big question was horrible,but dont hate him for his decision,because after 7 years of carrying a team and getting nxt to no help….EVER….anyone else in his position wud have traded up to make themselves happy and forward their career.the cavs r making great strides towards becoming champions,but theyr a long way off still.and the loyalty thing is bullshit.he gave up 7 long years of his career that he’ll never get back trying to make the cavs champions,an cleveland took this long to get ther act together an help him the cleveland curse thing,its bullshit too.cleveland sports’ lack of success is due to poor attityude(whichh ill admit,Lebron did show poor attitude in the way he handled his decision,but not in the decision itself),poor coaching,poor management,and poor playing.this “curse” is just an excuse to hide behind.I myself have been and always will be a cleveland browns and cavaliers fan.i dont try to make excuses for them when they lose.its not because of some curse,its things that need to be fixed and changed and adjusted.this is my take on the hole not claiming to be an expert but im not an idiot(even though im not thte greatest speller)and i understand where Lebrons coming from and why he made his choice,even if i wish he had stayed and dont agree with his method of handling the situation

  25. Josh July 17, 2010 at 3:43 am #

    I am a Florida resident yet I find a way to hate Lebron. Sure, Lebron may be a good player, but he just proved to everybody that he isnt a champion. The Heat is D-Wade’s team. The Heat remain my favorite team, but I will show no respect for Lebron at any game I attend. I will boo for him you, Cleveland fans.

  26. MR. Puffz July 18, 2010 at 6:41 pm #

    Now he can put his focus on winning a NBA Title.
    (King) Lebron James is at it again with his newest music video “Got No Rings”. Follow him on his journey to winning that elusive NBA title that eludes the true Kings of the NBA…sarcasm

  27. DB-LebronHater July 19, 2010 at 3:28 am #

    Basketball fans if you truly want to get even with Lebron boycott all the companies and products that he endorses. Get to him where it will really hurt.

  28. Alec L July 19, 2010 at 8:33 pm #

    This is a great site, I really do hate lebron and I’m glad he was booed at the espys and at carmelos wedding, he’s now the most hated player in the guess is the cavs will suck next year and drop players to open cap space so we can sign Carmelo and cp3 to max deals :) .. U nvr no, it could happen

  29. Delonte West July 20, 2010 at 1:14 am #

    Hey playas,

    It’s me Delonte. Gloria James was the best piece a ass I ever had. I’m sad to let her go. I’m just a playa what can I say? LeBron a King? That remains to be seen. Even if LeGolum gets his precious ring I can still say I poked his momma and she tickled my dilbag. Priceless! Peace!

  30. bill July 26, 2010 at 11:42 am #

    Now more than ever this website represents the world’s view of LBJ. Anyone who can’t see what a mega douche/ coward LeQuit is is either mentally retarded or a heat fan.

  31. M August 2, 2010 at 7:11 am #

    So who does this guy who made this website think he is?? He spends most his time knocking the city of Cleveland, at a 2nd grade playground bully type level mind you, and then turns around and says..oh hey welcome Clevelanders because you actually have a real, legitment reason to hate lebron unlike the childish nonsense that I’ve been spewing for quite sometime. I’m pissed at Lebron but dude who made this website GO FUCK YOURSELF..just find anything laying around and shove it up there would you?..nice and slow, no lube..the more contours the better..Thank you..GO FUCK YOURSELF!!

  32. knee pain treatment August 6, 2010 at 6:38 pm #

    Hi bud would it be ok if we used some info from here to use on one of our blogs? all the best

  33. bernardgwatkins August 25, 2010 at 10:56 pm #

    I’m sure that nobody that lives in the city of Cleveland eeeever makes fun of the city of Cleveland. Ever. And, of course, this website is always totally, totally serious.

    Uh…and I’m right.

  34. mamopo360 August 26, 2010 at 12:10 am #

    for the love of god, update this site with the plethera of bullshit that beckons your attention. this asshole is serving it up on a platter for you. a “best of” comments at the very least…

  35. NO September 6, 2010 at 6:44 am #

    Loved the puff piece that you obviously wrote yourself guy…how long did it take you to spell check that?

  36. JCrawford dunked in my face September 26, 2010 at 12:33 am #

    Great letter. Really, Bravo. Better reporting on this site than on the Lebron Promotional Network (formerly named ESPN). Now ESPN is pulling stories about LeBron acting like a jackoff at his hosted Vegas events. Maverick Carter, brilliant manager, putting millions of brand equity at risk over a six-figure Vegas event. How many other clients you got Maverick?

  37. aq October 27, 2010 at 4:10 am #

    Great start to the season for the heat and leballhog. You need to start getting the inside scoop on ledouche daily. This website is great but it could be even better.

  38. Tp February 10, 2011 at 2:00 am #

    You’re right you m**********r, f**k. Love the Cavs, breakin; records baby 26 L in a row! XOXOXOX

  39. you guys are gay May 12, 2011 at 3:32 pm #

    everyone on this website is gay, and whoever made this website has no life…lebron james had NO reason to return to cleveland, his contract was UP AFTER 7 YEARS OF SERVICE, if you want to pissed off at someone be pissed at dan gilbert for bringing in shitty players to play around him, he owes you fags nothing he was a FREE AGENT, that means he can go WHEREVER THE FUCK HE WANTS TO GO, hes the first human of his kind on the face of this earth, there has never been someone as tall with the bulk AND athleticism that he has, people from OHIO are so petty if you really hate lbj, change your diaper take the stick out of your ass and WITNESS GREATNESS

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