Scottie “no tippin'” Pippen has got nothin’ on this guy

13 May

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I get a lot of hate mail, as one would expect. With a site like this, I’m obviously asking for it, so I don’t mind. And it’s fun, because I get tons of hilariously stupid and/or terrible emails, even though they are getting a little predictable (you’re a fat jealous white guy, LeBron ran the train on your team, etc.). Apart from the repetitive and unoriginal insults, one thing I hear over and over again is that I shouldn’t be picking on poor LeBron because he’s such a great guy off the court. In fact, most insulting emails even end with this crap. He’s a wonderful person. He is so down-to-earth. So classy. Blah blah blah. Oh yeah? Really? Well read this, suckers:

LeBron pulls up in his Mercedes outside XO. People stop and try not to stare, but c’mon, it’s LeBron James. He enters the restaurant with a group of friends. On this special occasion, the King decides to dine late. He keeps his group there until around 3:45 a.m. During this time the waiter obsequiously pours drinks and fetches anything else His Greatness needs.

The final bill comes to $800. By the feudal laws of decorum, which stipulate that the affluent should administer a 20 percent gratuity, staffers figured they’d be pocketing an extra $160. But when they fetched the autographed bill after His Heinousness bolted back to Akron, their expectation turned to disbelief, then anger.

Now try and tell me that he’s a great guy, assholes. You can’t. He isn’t. Ten bucks on an 800 dollar check? That’s a 1.25% tip. And this even though he kept the wait staff around until 3:45. Unfuckingconscionable. The fact that this steakhouse is one of his favorite restaurants makes the whole thing even more ridiculous. What a class act, that LeBron. I know LeBron is on record stating that he wants to be the world’s first billionaire athlete. Now he’s 150 bucks closer. Actually, 160 bucks closer, since the waiter refused the insulting ten dollar tip. King of Ohio. Evil, tyrannical king of Ohio.


One Response to “Scottie “no tippin'” Pippen has got nothin’ on this guy”

  1. Jamie October 29, 2012 at 11:24 pm #

    Tips are stupid

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