To absolutely nobody’s surprise, LeBron James has the stupid fucking Heat…err…Cavaliers back in the finals. But it ain’t looking good for LeBron and friends. The Cavs have lost the first two games in the series and appear to be outmatched. LeBron is struggling with turnovers. Normally, I would be super-excited about the possibility of LeBron suffering a humiliating sweep. But instead I feel….uh…not much of anything.
Let’s face it, hating LeBron has been easy and boring for some time now and it no longer has anything to do with LeBron winning or losing. I’m bored of it all. Hell – I’ve been doing this shit forever. The Undefeated (a real internet site that people go to) reminded me just how long I’ve been on the scene with a quick mention in a piece about the interesting love/hate relationship NBA fans have with LeBron:
In 2008 — long before The Decision — the website “Ihatelebronjames.com” was launched, spewing extreme disdain for James. On Twitter there’s a hashtag, #teampetty, started by a basketball fan in Miami, the place that James helped win two NBA titles. And there’s a Facebook group called “LeBron James Haters United” that, as of this week, has more than 47,000 likes.
It has taken almost a decade, but it appears that us haters have won the war. Or have we? A terrifying thought occurred to me the other day as I was smoking my bedtime opium – if the sad old man who started ihatelebronjames.com is losing interest in LeBron hating during these NBA finals, how complacent has the average hater become?
This is a problem.
I get it. LeBron hating is now a permanent fixture in our society. It’s no longer edgy. LeBron’s insane return to Cleveland introduced a whole slew of mixed feelings into what was already a complex emotional equation. And the emergence of Steph Curry, a once-in-a-generation annoying prick, has complicated matters even further. It is difficult to actively hate LeBron James when he faces off against that doucebag. Many of us probably sit around thinking that someone else will do the hating for us. Hey – we can take a day or a season off every now and then, right? Somebody will cover for us, right? Wrong. I’m here to remind you that this type of thinking is dangerous. We can’t take anything for granted. Consider this – there was a time when the entire city of Cleveland joined hands with LeBron haters and sung Kumbaya around a campfire lit with millions of LeBron James jerseys. Dan Gilbert played guitar and sang his fucking heart out.
You all know what happened next.
I am here to remind you to stay vigilant, haters. The world will need you when LeBron generates the biggest sportsgasm in the history of earth when he turns the 2015 Golden State Warriors into the 2007 New England Patriots.