When the going gets tough (redux)…

6 Jun


LeBron suffers "cramps" in game 1 of the NBA finals

4th quarter cramps. Oh, the irony. The A/C goes out in Game 1 of the NBA Finals and the Miami HEAT ‘s biggest bigshot can’t take the heat (in excess of 87 degrees).

Or can he?

It may not surprise you to hear that I’m not buying what LeBron’s selling. Not for a second. In LeBron’s Swiss Army knife of excuses, “cramps” is the corkscrew, the nail file, and all of the murder knives.

I guess “my pinky finger” is the fish scaler and “the rest of my team/Cleveland sucks” is the little scissors.

While I continue to find LeBron’s BS comical, I have to admit that he has gotten a lot better at deflecting responsibility since his ham-fisted “pass the game-winning shot to Donyell Marshall” days. He is now a crafty veteran who knows how to set the table.

Let’s think about what happens next. If the Heat win, LeBron gets bonus points for overcoming debilitating menstrual cramps. He will be considered clutch as shit for overcoming adversity and his legend will grow. On the other hand, if the Heat lose, LeBron can’t be held responsible because he was bravely fighting through injury for the good of his team. His stats will look great on paper and his legend will grow. Articles will be written with headlines like “Despite Finals Loss, LeBron’s Efficiency at All-Time High.”

LeBron Bull Charge

LeBron knows his jump shot has maxed-out. His bull-charge won’t work forever. But he can continue to develop his blame game until the day he retires. And he is doing just that. He is no longer making excuses, he is making pre-excuses.  He is moving from the reactive to the proactive.

I’m guessing LeBron is a student of  history. Like all greats, he is smart enough to respect and emulate the trailblazers that came before him. He’s said as much in interviews. To that point, I’d like to turn your attention to tennis great Pete Sampras, a major innovator in the area of excuse-making. For all you kids out there, Pete Sampras perfected the use of the pre-excuse in the 90s by pretending to be sick or injured before every single tournament he entered. Really. He probably actually overcame the flu once to win a tournament, got blown by every sports journalist in town, and then was all like MOTHERFUCKING LIGHT BULB.

LeBron is walking a well-worn path. True, any non-retard should be able to see right through this shit, but LeBron knows his audience is a bunch of retard homers.  He’s set his strategy accordingly. Let’s see how it plays out.

PS: Deja vu – I’m pretty sure I have written this exact same shit three or four times. Also, for the record, Ray Allen is 53 and had no trouble running the court and dunking on people without cramping up.




18 Responses to “When the going gets tough (redux)…”

  1. Lebronimo June 8, 2014 at 2:12 pm #

    The difference between cramp and champ is but one letter. Ditto for the difference between champ and chump.

    I’d like to take a vowel there, Pat.

    Where o where would the Heat be without the whistle bias?

    The NBA may be soaking up the final’s ratings now, but that comes at great expense of the regular season games. It is becoming increasingly clear that fans are being turned off in droves by the clear and present playoff shaping ways of the NBA.

    Net, net. I’d say this strategy is a major loss for the NBA in pushing their Miami Heat heroes to glory. Silver’s glasses are too fogged up from all the Heat ass kissing to even gain a clue. The NBA has lost all credibility.

    NBA. Where scripted happens.

  2. refs again June 9, 2014 at 3:12 am #

    Even though they fixed the AC at the AT&T Center for tonight, refs sure were blowing a tonne of hot air for Miami tonight.

    And just to cite one example. After the refs reviewed the Lebron/Parker play for minutes on end, how was it possible to not decide that Lebron actually fouled Parker by hitting all hand?


  3. Wow June 9, 2014 at 1:30 pm #

    Good grief did that game take forever last night. It had something to do with a whistle after every single play. Gotta love how it’s all about LeBron even though someone else hit the 3 and Bosh, Wade, and Lewis all had strong games.

  4. LMAO June 9, 2014 at 4:16 pm #

    LMAO, is this website serious? I didn’t think it was until I read this article and saw that the author is actually articulate. But seriously dude? A website fully focused to hate Lebron James..just sad bro..so sad

  5. Cheat for the 3peat June 10, 2014 at 12:28 am #

    Video evidence of the type of bitch Wade is. The margin of victory was two points and Wade went to the line and made two free throws after the whistle. And there were a lot more tales of questionable officiating where that came from.

    Refs continue to decide games with a high bias for the Miami Cheat.

    They don’t call them Miami Cheat for nothing.


  6. Brandt June 12, 2014 at 12:36 am #

    Yeah, agree with everything most part said above. I ‘ve been keeping track play by play of touch fouls done in favor of heat compared to Spurs.(not overall fouls which tend to even out generally by end of game) Seems the Refs call fouls based on score board management. Meaning in 3rd quarter to give momentum to Heat they shot 11 free throws to Spurs 2 all quarter which is one point shy of 15 points to Heats 25 in quarter. Then they make up calls fouls at other times of the game. This is a trend I have noticed perhaps obvious to most.(hopefully) Its PROFESSIONAL REFFING two notches removed.

  7. LeCrampedup June 12, 2014 at 10:14 pm #

    Thank you for this site and keep up the good work, exposing this bullshit artist!

  8. Frougiedesh June 16, 2014 at 12:25 am #

    Wow all the bs whatever the outcome of the finals there are at least 40 players in nba history that ar much better than bj … I mean lbj kobe could tell ya early in his career he was a ball hag champ maybe in a few years lbj will realize he dont need to toot his own horn … Ray is prob the best player on the team! And pair that with rashard reminds me of a 2004 chapionship caliber team! Fuck lbj (gfn) good for nothing!

  9. D June 16, 2014 at 2:56 am #

    It’s finally over the heat have lost yessssssssssssss I hate LeBron James I’m sooooooooo happy he lost goooooooooddddddddddd

  10. Johnny June 18, 2014 at 4:48 pm #

    What are you talking about? Lebron (the greatest athlete..nay, human being of all time) could win the championship with 4 kids in wheelchairs on the court with him…….or so ESPN likes to keep telling me every day. You’re spot on. Now the Lebron lovers are quoting his stats and how terrible his teammates are (somehow Allen, Bosh, Wade, Battier all suck despite the greatest playmaker of all time making his teammates better?), and blah-blah-blah after he gets blown out 4 games to 1 and now holds a 2-3 record in the finals.

  11. Kawhi June 21, 2014 at 3:15 pm #

    “how was it possible to not decide that Lebron actually fouled Parker by hitting all hand?” I don’t get it either, but this is why teams, except the Pacers, lose to the Heat in close games. Doesn’t matter, Heat lost in 5.

  12. Fridge Magnet June 24, 2014 at 9:15 pm #

    You probably heard today Bernard that Lebron is opting out of his contract with the Heat to become a free agent. While this may seem like a move that may appease his critics, it likely isn’t at all.

    Assuming Lebron will leave the Heat is folly. See if Wade and probably Bosh as well don’t follow suit in the coming days before the July 1st deadline. It is all probably just a move to make some financial wiggle room for the Heat to land Melo in South Beach as well. Should that happen, then you could really despise that team and its culture.

    Even if it doesn’t pan out, one better believe it is their collective aim to “game” the system, land Melo and collectively snub their noses at the tissue paper clause in the NBA contract trying to deter superteams from forming in the first place. Losing this year probably makes them even more hungry to up the ante. And others even more angry in their hate for lebron james.

  13. Allen Craigslist July 10, 2014 at 12:16 am #

    Bro. Ray Allen is 39. And he played 13 minutes that game. Lebron played 37 minutes and played the most out of anyone of the players on that court that night. You sir are a bigot.

  14. trey July 10, 2014 at 3:44 pm #

    You guys are right. Lebron has no business even playing basketball. We all know Wade carried this team all year. Well actually he skipped 30 games but who’s counting am I right? How can we say Lebron is the best on his own team when he doesn’t even have the most rings? Rings are all that matter!!! Who cares that Shaq got the MVPs for those three titles the Lakers won? We all know the NBA lies because Kobe was obviously the star of that team even if everything else says otherwise. Lebron is tied for second best player on his own team, and everyone who goes to this site will back me up because from what I’ve read these guys are pretty smart, know their shit, and are definitely not haters that never leave their moms house. The fact that when Lebron left Cleveland and they went from 60 wins to 20 wins the next three years is merely a fluke and not proof of how bad that team actually was. I know I know when Jordan left the bulls to play baseball they couldn’t win a title. In fact they went from 57 wins to a mind numbing 55 wins proving Jordan was the only good player on that team. Lebron should have stuck it out with Cleveland because that team had potential. I hate Lebron so much. Durant is definitely way better and everyone here will back me up.

    P.S. This is called sarcasm for every moron who thinks this site has any merit. I am telling you this because this is what you fucktards sound like, and I don’t think you people have enough brain cells to actually realize this without me telling you.

  15. MICHAEL July 12, 2014 at 12:45 am #


  16. bernardgwatkins July 15, 2014 at 5:25 pm #

    Good point. Not really.

  17. Lebrat July 21, 2014 at 12:35 pm #

    Wade couldn’t even carry Lebron’s lunch.

  18. Lebrat July 21, 2014 at 12:51 pm #

    I don’t like the Heat, but I have to give Bosh a lot of credit for trying and improving. Something that Wade doesn’t do. Something that Battier stopped doing. Oh that’s right, Battier wasn’t motivated any more. And Wade always wanted the easy way out, since his first finals. Wade couldn’t even carry the team, while Lebron rested. They wanted Bosh away from the rim, so Wade can operate. Bosh does this, and makes his threes. Better teammate than crying Wade. Wade deserves the Least Valuable Player award. What am I talking about? This is good. Wade may not win another ring, with that crybaby attitude.

Leave a Reply