Classless Backstabbing Narcissist, Serial Diver/Choker/Cheater/Whiner/Quitter LeBron James finally manages not to prevent his all-star team from winning NBA title

22 Jun

Good work, LeBron. Put that ring in your tiny little purse and take a fucking victory lap. Know in your heart that you are a TRUE champion. You never had to shamelessly take advantage of favorable treatment from the league and its sponsors to win.

Cleveland Cavaliers Burns LeBron James Jersey

You never had to betray your hometown and the fans that made you. You never had to resort to diving, browbeating the refs with incessant whining, or outright cheating. You never traveled and you never got away with a charge in the paint. You didn’t luck out when serious injuries to Derrick Rose and Joakim Noah removed the best team in the NBA from your playoff bracket. And you certainly never required the help of two or more all-stars to get the job done.  It was all you, bro. IT WAS ALL YOU.

Ugh. I’m pretty sure I’m still drunk. And I’m seriously thinking about putting some whiskey in my morning coffee to power back up to deal with this shit. First order of business – let’s get the morning headlines out of the way. Here is a sampling of some terrible headlines and groan-worthy puns:

LeBron is a DickThe Chosen Won (SI)

Ring Him Up (ESPN)

The King Gets His Crown (SportingNews)

LeBron James passes on Cleveland question in post-game press conference (Cleveland Plain Dealer)

Champions! Heat Dominates Thunder (Miami Herald) – WEAK

It’s about Damn Time: LeBron and Heat Win NBA Title (USA Today)

King is Crowned (also USA Today)

“I can finally say I’m a champion”: Heat wing gives James elusive crown” (Washington Post)

A Three-Heated Title in Miami (LA Times) – whatever the fuck that means

King’s Coronation (Yahoo! Sports)

The Big Three Land One: Miami Heat Win NBA Championship (Orlando Sentinel)

Take a Load Off (FoxSports)

The King is Finally Crowned (MSNBC)

And so on, and so on. I only linked to the Cleveland story. If you’ve read one of the others, you’ve read them all.

Whatever – it finally happened. It just goes to show you that in America, if you are given every single opportunity to win and yet continue to fail, you can always sleaze your way into a superior position, enter a fucking cheat code, and beat everyone over the head with your unfair advantage.

I will probably post more when I stop throwing up and/or when LeBron starts dropping completely retarded quotes.

LeBron's mom celebrates LeBron's Championship

Only six more championships to go, LeBron…get back to work.



58 Responses to “Classless Backstabbing Narcissist, Serial Diver/Choker/Cheater/Whiner/Quitter LeBron James finally manages not to prevent his all-star team from winning NBA title”

  1. Wade County June 26, 2012 at 5:30 pm #

    Used it twice. That would set your multiplier at 100. Let me get it down a bit…

    Parade route!! :

  2. oldschool June 27, 2012 at 5:20 pm #

    wade county u really are pathetic…

  3. Wade County June 27, 2012 at 6:10 pm #

    What’s pathetic is the amount of time people can spend hating on a certain subject or person that has little or in this case no relevance in their lives.

    We are the champs. For a year. Deal with it.

    Apparently everyone came together to give The HEAT a championship. LeBron, Referees, The NBA, the fucking mascots. Everyone. It was a lottery. Hopefully whatever team you root for pulls the golden ticket next year and they get the trophy.

    I really hope this doesn’t go on too long. If we win multiple championships, I will not be able to keep up with the barrage of hate coming from this site, much less the rest of the country. I’m already kinda over it. I used to get worked up when I would come to this site. Now it’s just a bunch of empty insults and arguments.

    It’s part of sports. Sometimes you are good, sometimes you suck. Right now, we are the best. I’m sure we will suck again soon enough and you guys will all get your chance to beat us Miamian’s down. The thing is that, as a sports fan, you don’t remember the crappy seasons. You don’t remember the season ending injuries or the terrible decisions by upper management. The missed opportunities. Why the hell would you? What you do remember is the championship teams, overcoming adversity, the playmakers and those few seasons where our city was a known force to be reckoned with. That’s where we are right now and NOTHING THAT ANYONE SAYS will change the badass way we feel right now. In this instance right here (LeBron, Basketball, HEAT) it’s thanks to every single person that has hated, that has looked into LeBron with a microscope, analyzing every decision before AND after his “Decision”, that has made it a point to wish nothing but the worst on another human being and beat him down ruthlessly every time he failed that makes recent events so much sweeter. There is no way I would have enjoyed this as much without all of you. Thank you haters, for making this 2012 season more than I could ever ask for.

    I’m done. I’ll be back sometime mid-season next year. You all can have at it then.

    Gotta prepare for football season. Anyone know a good quarterback that needs a job? Feelings on LeBron at tight end?

    Too soon? Heh.

  4. oldschool June 28, 2012 at 1:04 am #

    wow…you sure do enjoy essays

    “What’s pathetic is the amount of time people can spend LOVING on a certain subject or person that has little or in this case no relevance in their lives.”

  5. John June 29, 2012 at 2:38 am #

    If Lebron was so good, why didn’t he win a championship earlier? This was his ninth year in the league. TRUE players can win with or without superstars helping them. For 7 years “The King” was just a nobody in Clevland.

  6. Nate July 8, 2012 at 11:11 pm #

    Lebron is king and now he’s got his ring. I was also mad at the decision lebron made to leave Cleveland, but it turns out to be the right decision .

  7. A concerned citizen July 19, 2012 at 11:43 am #

    I pity all of you. You have so much hatred for LBJ that it consumes your lives. I can only assume that you spend countless hours whining about his success to any and all that are willing to listen, nitpick his performance, insult him at the top of your lungs as if he can hear, snicker behind closed doors at the new Lebron joke you just thought up, and constantly lurk the internet in search of others who share your disease.

    It make me SAD )’:

    I only hope that your rage will one day burn itself out. Otherwise… you’ll miss out on something special… You won’t be able to appreciate some of the greatest basketball we’ll see in our lifetime.

    Whether your like it or not, at the end of his career he will be regarded as one of the greatest NBA players ever. So you’ll always be on the wrong side of history.

    Just learn to let go of the hate and learn to appraise. I know it won’t be easy, but if not for yourself, do it for your friends and family… because I’m sure they must be getting sick of your continual obsession, hate, and conspiracy theories.

    With love,
    -A concerned citizen

    P.S. Don’t bother replying, I won’t be coming back and I hope you won’t either.

  8. bernardgwatkins July 19, 2012 at 1:59 pm #

    Haha. I just wasted your time.

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