Archive | June, 2014

When the going gets tough (redux)…

6 Jun


LeBron suffers "cramps" in game 1 of the NBA finals

4th quarter cramps. Oh, the irony. The A/C goes out in Game 1 of the NBA Finals and the Miami HEAT ‘s biggest bigshot can’t take the heat (in excess of 87 degrees).

Or can he?

It may not surprise you to hear that I’m not buying what LeBron’s selling. Not for a second. In LeBron’s Swiss Army knife of excuses, “cramps” is the corkscrew, the nail file, and all of the murder knives.

I guess “my pinky finger” is the fish scaler and “the rest of my team/Cleveland sucks” is the little scissors.

While I continue to find LeBron’s BS comical, I have to admit that he has gotten a lot better at deflecting responsibility since his ham-fisted “pass the game-winning shot to Donyell Marshall” days. He is now a crafty veteran who knows how to set the table.

Let’s think about what happens next. If the Heat win, LeBron gets bonus points for overcoming debilitating menstrual cramps. He will be considered clutch as shit for overcoming adversity and his legend will grow. On the other hand, if the Heat lose, LeBron can’t be held responsible because he was bravely fighting through injury for the good of his team. His stats will look great on paper and his legend will grow. Articles will be written with headlines like “Despite Finals Loss, LeBron’s Efficiency at All-Time High.”

LeBron Bull Charge

LeBron knows his jump shot has maxed-out. His bull-charge won’t work forever. But he can continue to develop his blame game until the day he retires. And he is doing just that. He is no longer making excuses, he is making pre-excuses.  He is moving from the reactive to the proactive.

I’m guessing LeBron is a student of  history. Like all greats, he is smart enough to respect and emulate the trailblazers that came before him. He’s said as much in interviews. To that point, I’d like to turn your attention to tennis great Pete Sampras, a major innovator in the area of excuse-making. For all you kids out there, Pete Sampras perfected the use of the pre-excuse in the 90s by pretending to be sick or injured before every single tournament he entered. Really. He probably actually overcame the flu once to win a tournament, got blown by every sports journalist in town, and then was all like MOTHERFUCKING LIGHT BULB.

LeBron is walking a well-worn path. True, any non-retard should be able to see right through this shit, but LeBron knows his audience is a bunch of retard homers.  He’s set his strategy accordingly. Let’s see how it plays out.

PS: Deja vu – I’m pretty sure I have written this exact same shit three or four times. Also, for the record, Ray Allen is 53 and had no trouble running the court and dunking on people without cramping up.