Archive | October, 2013

Huge update

29 Oct

Another NBA season is upon us. Here comes a never-ending stream of completely boring and meaningless basketball games for us to ignore for months at a time!  Thousand years from now, the playoffs will begin, at which time we will watch a few playoff games, realize those are also pretty boring, and then wait for LeBron to flop his way to games 4-7 of the NBA finals, watch those, realize basketball is a flawed joke of a sport, and then go to sleep in the 3rd quarter.  The end.

Anyhow, in order to do my due diligence as continuing part-time owner of and giver of at least one partial fuck about, I will get you retarded bunch of 14 year-olds up to speed on all the recent shit you’ve already heard about LeBron..

First, LeBron’s feet are *completely* jacked, probably because he was already 25 when he graduated high school and is now very, very old.  This:

LeBron is gross.


Second, Jordan threw the rabid hyena/sportswriter hybrids of the world a raw 72 oz. porterhouse when he claimed that he would have beaten LeBron in a game of 1 on 1 in his prime.  Jordan quickly clarified that he meant no disrespect to LeBron, primarily because he was merely telling the truth (it is nearly universally acknowledged that Jordan is the greatest of all time, possesses a dramatically better jump shot than LeBron, and that LeBron would have been unable to utilize his go-to flop move in a game of 1-on-1).

Finally, LeBron still thinks he can play in the NFL/wants to play in the NFL (please, please do).  Oh yeah – a bunch of guys said a bunch of things about free agency and it was totally boring.  And Nike shoes are being sold in stores.