Archive | May, 2013

LeBron is humbled by 4th MVP award, can’t fathom the extent of his awesomeness

5 May

Hey everybody – great news!  LeBron has completely changed his personality in every conceivable way!  According to some AP staff writer that has been paid to rehabilitate LeBron’s public image, King James, no longer the arrogant douche he has been his entire life, HAS SOMEHOW BEEN HUMBLED UPON WINNING HIS 4TH MVP AWARD DESPITE THE FACT THAT IT WOULD MAKE ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE FOR HIM TO BE HUMBLED IN THIS SITUATION:

James said he was humbled to keep such company.

“I’m a historian of the game,” he said. “I know the game. I know these guys paved the way for myself and the rest of us.”

“I don’t know my ceiling,” James said. “I don’t stop trying to improve my game — just like today, being in here with Rio and Ray, the last guys to leave the court. I want to continue to maximize what I have.”

This shit is FUCKING AMAZING!  How could something so wonderful actually happen!?  THANK THE GOOD LORD….haaaang on, this doesn’t seem right.  FUCK.  I knew this was too good to be true.  Now that I am reading the actual words that came out of LeBron’s mouth and using my brain to decipher the meaning of said words, I think AP staff writer guy got it all wrong.  It turns out, LeBron was not actually humbled in any way, shape, or form.

This is a bit more accurate:

James said that he was not at all humbled to keep the company of a bunch of irrelevant geezers.

“I’m a historian of the game,” he said. “I know the game. I know old-timey guys like Hakeem Abdul-Jabbar and Magic Jordan paved the way for me to be way the fuck better in comparison.”

“At this moment, I cannot fathom the true extent of my awesomeness,” James said. “I don’t stop trying to improve my game — I want to continue to increase the number of personal accomplishments I can take credit for.”

LeBron added, stroking his massive bicep muscle, “for the record – it makes no sense for a human being to be humbled at the moment they are told for the fourth time in five years that they are best person in the entire world.  Therefore, consider me totally not humbled.”

At least he’s stopped speaking in the third person.  That’s something.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the 2013 NBA MVP:

LeBron Fashion Glasses Sweater