Archive | December, 2012

2012 Sportsman of the Year

3 Dec

SI LeBron James

Douche Incarnate


Sweet Jesus. Just from reading the first page of this pile of shit:

LeBron James is protected by God but also humbled by God (per Pat Riley):

The good Lord was saying, ‘LeBron, I’m going to help you through this night because you’re a nice person, and I’m going to give you 45 and 15. But as you walk off, I’m going to humble the heck out of you.’ And, you know what, that’s the best thing that could have happened.

Evidence of LeBron James’ humility (or rather: evidence that even God himself is incapable of humbling the Chosen One):

“I’m in a different place than other people,” he says. “That’s O.K. I understand. I was chosen for this. It’s my gift. It’s my responsibility.”

We need to be constantly reminded that LeBron James is Cleveland’s Jesus:

It was the story of his life. James [spent] seven years as a one-man stimulus package for a hard-bitten Rust Belt city

Thank GOD ALMIGHTLY that LeBron sacrificed for Cleveland by playing a fucking game there for SEVEN years. Seven years is like A MILLION YEARS! Every living soul in Cleveland should get down on their knees and thank LeBron James for their continued existence. At the center of every functioning economy is some douchebag wearing fashion glasses frantically dribbling basketballs.  This is ECON101, motherfuckers.

LeBron James – 2012 Sportsman of the Year.  LeBron James’ image rehabilitation is complete!  Speaking of image rehabilitation, does this bullshit commercial really expect us to believe that LeBron James goes out on the town and hangs out with common folk as part of his daily routine?  This is the same guy that told normal people to go back to their miserable non-millionaire lives after crashing out of the finals.  Also, to hell with famous people – Lebron once refused to allow a legendary photographer to speak to him directly.  But yeah, Lebron goes out and buys a bunch of kids ice cream cones and jokes around with dudes at the local barbershop. Sure.