I Hate LeBron James.com

July 4, 2008 - LeBron in NYC, All-Nike Olympic Team, Fines for Flops, Ref Scandals

Suck on this obviously choreographed LeBron/NYC photo op, Cavs fans. Wow. More on this later.

A couple of stories I've missed because I've been taking my usual post-playoffs break from LeBullshit:

First up - Tim Donaghy and game fixing. Ah, the Donaghy scandal(s). When Donoughy got busted, it demonstrated as a matter of fact that all-powerful NBA refs are capable of massive sleazebaggery. It was pretty shocking, but the scandal was successfully contained by the NBA and we were led to believe that the whole fiasco extended to a crazy rogue ref and affected a couple of inconsequential games.

Then Donaghy pulled a full-on Jose Canseco and the issue was no longer containable. According to Donaghy, an inner-circle of sycophantic refs working in cahoots with league goons created an atmosphere in which star players were not called for technical fouls (LeBitching at refs without punishment, LeBron's famous LeElbows, etc.) and that bogus calls/no-calls ("the travel" anyone?) were made to force TV-friendly matchups, game sevens, and to prop up popular stars in the league. Think about the Celtics/Cavs series - how many games did LeBron play like absolute trash (see previous posts), and still wind up taking 20 free throws, keeping the Cavs in the game and therefore in the series? The answer is...surprise...almost every game in the series.

Predicatably, ESPNBAvid $tern stonewalled (and still stonewalls) on this issue. This is how I see it - nine times out of ten, this pleading the fifth bullshit is basically an admission of guilt. Any reasonable person can see that this crap is happening on a regular basis or, at the very least, that the existence of game fixing is very likely and warrants serious investigation. Jeff van Gundy, Phil Jackson, and a slew of other coaches and players are on record agreeing with Donaghy's accusations.

On to a tengentially related ref story - the NBA announced that it will begin fining floppers next season. At first, I thought this would be a good thing, because it would stop LeBron from doing things like pretending he was poked in the eye when he wasn't and putting flagrant fouls on opposing players. I was totally psyched about it. Then I thought about it for about ten seconds and realized that the league will never do anything to fuck LeBron over. So, sadly, I concluded that the new rules will actually make opposing players more afraid of taking charges from LeBron, which is basically the only thing a defender can do to stop LeBron, since if you actually try to block his shots or steal the ball you are automatically called for a foul. Plus, LeBron clearly doesn't give a crap about fines since he is, uh, kind of rich. Very, very depressing development. Ugh.

Next up - NYC. See the LeBron/Statue of Liberty picture. The whole LeBron to NY story has gone from conjecture to pretty much a foregone conclusion and I love it. Poor, poor Clevelanders. Trade him now and get some value.

Finally, on to the US All-Nike Olympic team. Yeah - so the Coach K's US Olympic team is made up of all Nike-sponsored players except for Dwight Howard (Adidas). That's just fantastic. Looks like Gilbert was on to something when he said that it appeared the roster was set before tryouts. Apparently unconcerned about keeping up appearances, Nike promptly announced a documentary series about the team's road back to the Olympics to air on ESPN.

For you conspiracy buffs out there, I'll leave you with Nike's official team photo. Notice that Dwight Howard is covering up the Nike swoosh on his shorts. Most importantly, notice that a freakishly enormous rat has been dressed in human clothing and posed in a sitting position, blocking Dwight Howard's Adidas shoes. Hmmm...

Game 7 was vintage LeBron James. A bunch of stat-whoring followed by an abysmal failure to come through in the clutch.

This is a stone-cold fact, all you LeBron homers out there - with the game in his hands, LeBron blew it. If LeBron made the 6 points above instead of bricking them, the Cavs would have won the game. That's it.

The only shot taken by another Cavalier in the last 30 seconds was a three-pointer by Pavlovic - and he nailed it, so it wasn't the weakness of the supporting cast that did the Cavs in. 38 year-old PJ Brown came off the *couch* to make all three of his fourth quarter shots to finish out the game for the Celtics. If you aren't as clutch as PJ Brown, do you deserve the title of "King" (even of Ohio)? Have you earned the right to refer to yourself in the third person? Nope.

On to LeBron's final game of the season. Obviously he scored a bunch of points. Obviously Paul Pierce scored a bunch of points. Whatever. What struck me most about the game is how unbelievably transparent LeBron's strategy is, especially in big games. He's the snot-nosed kid who reverts to the same cheesy supermove to win at a video game over and over again.

Here's a step-by-step description of LeBron's "how to win at basketball" system:

Step 1 - Try to make a few jumpers with no regard to how off-balance or forced the shots may be. Also, do not take into account how well-defended you are. You are the Chosen One and you are immune from all implications of the phrase "shot selection." Proceed to step 2.

Step 2 - If jump shots are going in, repeat step 1. If jump shots are clanging off of the iron, go to step 3.

Step 3 - Employ the invincible "bull charge" supermove! Begin putting your head down and driving to the hoop on every possession, taking advantage of the knowledge that even obvious travels and charges will be ignored by refs. Occasionally dish the ball to a wide-open teammate whilst driving to the hoop, getting credit for "creating" with "brilliant passing." If you are having trouble hitting layups because there are 800 pounds worth of centers and forwards standing in the lane, go to step 4, you might be playing against what they call a "defense."

Step 4 - Cry and pout every time an opposing player lays a finger on you, grease the refs, and rack up free throws. This should negate "defense." *

Step 5 - If a comfortable lead is gained at any point during the game, go back to step 1 if desired. However, if the game is close in the fourth quarter, lock into step 3. If you are getting blown out, commence stat-whoring by an means necessary.

My friends, I have watched enough LeBron James playoff games to know that he pulls this crap every single game. LeBron's ability to rack up points is only limited to how badly he is willing to abuse this tried-and-true system. I think we're almost (but not quite) to the point where LeBron has worn out his welcome with this bullshit. Eventually, commentators are going to tire of bailing him out every night. For shit's sake, LeBron had five terrible games in a row against the Celtics but still received overwhelmingly favorable coverage. At some point, shills like Jeff van Gundy are going to have to seriously consider that even ESPN's core demographic - brainwashed moron kids - might lose respect for them. What remains of their credibility is at stake. Selfish motives are going to kick in at some point if these announcers ever want to land another head coaching job. Non-Cleveland crowds are totally sick of LeBron, that's clear. In Boston, LeBron even got a strong "bullshit" chant from the crowd that went on for 5 minutes and was easily audible on national television. And you know the network's sound guys were trying to suppress it the entire time. In order for such a strong chant to get going, moms, dads, grandmothers, and little kids must have been joining in. Hilarious.

Worst part of the game? LeBron's eye rake on Paul Pierce. Wow. LeBron even had the nerve to throw a hissy fit over it, even though the whole thing was confirmed by replay. Eye rakes? For real? That's some dirty Rowdy Roddy Piper bullshit. What a jerk.

No matter. All is well that ends well. It's game over for LeBron and his circus of bullshit.

Doc Rivers finally benched E.T. That's the good news. The bad news is that game 6 was a frustrating mess in all other respects. A few highlights: LeBron officially became a ref, reversing an out-of-bounds call with a hissy-fit at some point in the second half. LeBron also put an absolutely outrageous travesty of a charging foul on Paul Pierce deep in the 4th quarter to ruin the integrity of the entire game, despite the fact that it was the most obvious blocking foul of the entire game, if not the entire history of the NBA. Glen Davis was mugged under the basket the entire game, and LeBron went to the line more than the entire Celtics team. It was an unmitigated disaster.

Please, Celtics: pick your shots, use some movement, and end this nonsense on Sunday night. And then lose to the Pistons in the next round because you don't deserve to win shit this season.

About the commentary - worst by a non-Jeff van Gundy crew yet. Some anonymous nobodies, obviously selected for their eagerness to LeBrown-nose, were selected to call the game. They were absolutely useless sycophants. One of them, Doris Burke, actually had the nerve to call the BS LeBron/Paul Pierce charge call a 50/50. Yeah, she's partial. It was a 100/0, doofus. She also produced what has to be the lamest, most pathetic attempt at asskissing I have ever witnessed. Get this - she heaped a full minute of praise on LeBron after a failed inbounds pass. A failed inbounds pass. Even though the world's greatest passing wizard failed to hit a teammate on an inbounds pass at midcourt, Doris Burke was shocked at how amazingly calm and collected he was in doing so. What? Hacks.

Up big right before halftime and playing pretty well the entire first half (he even made three jumpshots!), LeBron had the chance to turn the series in his favor with a crucial away win. All he had to do was maintain some kind of respectable offensive output in the second half. So what did the NBA's premier superstar do? He faded like a chump and blew it:

When all was said and done, all the foul shots in the world couldn't help LeBron pull it out (11-13 from the line). His anti-clutch second half performance was rewarded with a big, fat L.

Wow. So LeBron actually cussed out his mom on National TV. And he even admitted so much in a post-game interview. Yes, my friends, this actually happened.

Late in the first half, Pierce tried to wrap up James to prevent a breakaway dunk and the two of them spun into the expensive seats behind the basket, at which point James' mother, Gloria, jumped into the fray to give Pierce a piece of her mind. Even as Pierce's arms were wrapped around him, James was yelling at his mother to back away. "The commissioner doesn't care if it's your mother or your kids: You can't allow fans and players to get involved with each other," said James. "I told her to sit down in some language I shouldn't have used. Thank god today wasn't Mothers Day

Look, this is definitely hilarious, but I think LeBron actually did the right thing here, so I'm not going to rag on him too much. He was only doing what he had to do in order to protect Paul Pierce from his mom's violent (and possibly drunken) rage. And in doing so, was also protecting his mom from the slammer. Commendable.

KG: Dude! What the hell is wrong with you? Calm down and stop cussin' out that poor lady!

On to the game - the Celts somehow dropped another game on the road despite LeBron's continued sucking (7-20 shooting, 5-8 at the line). The announcers were forced to fall back on the "even when it appears that LeBron sucks, he 'creates' and is therefore actually awesome" bullshit. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Go back and read that "Is LeBron Underrated ?" article now (from a couple of posts ago). Yeah, that thing stood the test of time. He might want to rethink that whole "LeBron has no help from his anonymous loser teammates" part of the argument.

I get a lot of hate mail, as one would expect. With a site like this, I'm obviously asking for it, so I don't mind. And it's fun, because I get tons of hilariously stupid and/or terrible emails, even though they are getting a little predictable (you're a fat jealous white guy, LeBron ran the train on your team, etc.). Apart from the repetitive and unoriginal insults, one thing I hear over and over again is that I shouldn't be picking on poor LeBron because he's such a great guy off the court. In fact, most insulting emails even end with this crap. He's a wonderful person. He is so down-to-earth. So classy. Blah blah blah. Oh yeah? Really? Well read this, suckers:

LeBron pulls up in his Mercedes outside XO. People stop and try not to stare, but c'mon, it's LeBron James. He enters the restaurant with a group of friends. On this special occasion, the King decides to dine late. He keeps his group there until around 3:45 a.m. During this time the waiter obsequiously pours drinks and fetches anything else His Greatness needs.

The final bill comes to $800. By the feudal laws of decorum, which stipulate that the affluent should administer a 20 percent gratuity, staffers figured they'd be pocketing an extra $160. But when they fetched the autographed bill after His Heinousness bolted back to Akron, their expectation turned to disbelief, then anger.

Now try and tell me that he's a great guy, assholes. You can't. He isn't. Ten bucks on an 800 dollar check? That's a 1.25% tip. And this even though he kept the wait staff around until 3:45. Unfuckingconscionable. The fact that this steakhouse is one of his favorite restaurants makes the whole thing even more ridiculous. What a class act, that LeBron. I know LeBron is on record stating that he wants to be the world's first billionaire athlete. Now he's 150 bucks closer. Actually, 160 bucks closer, since the waiter refused the insulting ten dollar tip. King of Ohio. Evil, tyrannical king of Ohio.

Really? More of this underrated shit? These dudes have some nerve. First of all, even if LeBron were to average 37 points a game in this series, he would still be overrated. Why is this? Because he is so highly rated by the sportswriting world that he couldn't possibly be underrated or even properly rated. Unless he pulls a 50- point triple- double masterpiece every game, he can never live up to his hype. Therefore, he is overrated. Period. Now, consider the garbage games LeBron has been producing as of late, and this argument dissolves into complete nonsense.

This guy peddles the tired "no supporting cast" crap we've all heard a thousand times, which holds no water as far as I'm concerned. If LeBron truly is the MVP, then all his team would need to do is get him open looks for him to rain down jumpers. They are doing just that. In fact, the Celtics are giving away open jumpers to the Princess of Ohio. LeBron's is flat-out missing them, hence the stats. Can you imagine what would happen if a team gave almost any other top 10 player so many open looks? They'd slaughter some jerks. This no supporting cast argument is just plain silly at worst, some kind of chicken and egg thing at best. Z is definitely a top center, slow goofball that he is. Ben Wallace, despite the fact that he is the only player in the league that can regularly chuck up airballs from 2 feet, is still a top defensive player. And then there are the many solid role players on the Cavs. Joe Smith and Delonte West - see last game.

I'd like to think that this guy doesn't really believe LeBron is underrated and that he was just looking for an attention-getting headline. That's the impression the article left me with, despite all the LeBron praise contained within. He makes a few good points. However, you can't type this:

When James was going 2-for-18 in Game 1 or 6-of-24 in Game 2, there were questions about how so prodigious a talent could shoot so badly. But another perspective could have been, Why doesn't it happen more often?

...and still believe that LeBron is somehow underrated. Two consecutive playoff disasters in a row? That's unforgivable. He's stretching with "But...why doesnt' it happen more often" and he has to know it.

One of many reasons why the Knicks hired coach Mike D'Antoni was to pursue James in 2010, when he can opt out (along with Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh) at the same time New York may have the room to offer him a max contract. Provided they can clear enough cap space, D'Antoni's new Knicks would offer James the ultimate stage in New York as well as an up-tempo, open-court style featuring all of his skills. Before Game 3, James referred to D'Antoni as "an offensive mastermind,'' a compliment that must send chills up the spine of Cleveland's management.

Good stuff. Oh man - I can't wait. When LeBron goes to the Knicks, I can change the web page colors! And Cavs fans will stop sending me hate mail! And, like most people, I hate the Knicks anyway, so it will be an easy transition.

No thanks to LeBron, the Cavs won a home game against the Celtics. Congrats, guys! You are now on the level of the mighty Atlanta Hawks! LeBron laid a third consecutive egg (5-16 shooting) and was predictably bailed out by the refs (8-12 from the line).

While the game itself (LeBron flopping, faking, charging) was bad, Jeff van Gundy was worse. He was absolutely unbearable. He was so bad that the five minutes he spent discussing Chinese-owned markets actually turned out to be the high point of his commentary. Anything to drown out the sound of LeBron loudly clanking jumpshots off of the front of the rim, I suppose - whether it's LeBrown-nosing or irrelevant BS.

It' really funny how it's impossible to get anything resembling informative commentary from a game involving LeBron James. Jeff van Gundy simply refused to let up on LeBron glorification no. matter. what. TNT was so desperate for some LeBron magic that it had the nerve to run an obnoxious LeBron video montage right in the middle of a particularly bad stretch of his suckfest. This kind of crap validates my suspicion that there really is some kind of pro-LeBron agenda and a pro-LeBron script the announcers are asked to follow. How else would you explain the absurd timing of the montage? It was totally inappropriate, especially considering the amazing games Joe Smith and Delonte West were having. Why not a montage of Joe Smith nailing seven consecutive shots? Delonte West draining a bunch of threes? Guess TNT feels they have to throw the zombie horde some LeBron-flavored brains between beer commercials. Sadly, they're probably right.

This is a useful tool for Cavs fans. This is a much more useful tool for Knicks fans, Nets fan, and Jay Z.

Stat whores live by the stat sheet, stat whores die by the stat sheet. LeBron is getting murdered by the stat sheet.

Considering LeBron's humiliating chokefest, I (half) expected the announcers to finally get off LeBron's nuts for a while, if only to spare him the public criticism he so obviously deserved. However, defying all common sense, the ESPN crew actually ramped up the LeBrown-nosing as the second half progressed! Unbelievable. The crew busted out multiple Jordan/Oscar Robertson comparisons and even brought up last year's Pistons game three or four times. Pathetic. Here's a novel idea, ESPN: why don't you encourage your announcers to discuss the actual accomplishments of the winning players (at least while their victory is in progress!) instead of praising the past victories and imaginary future accomplishments of loser-ass LeBron James in the midst of his worst meltdown ever.

Best part of game 2? LeBron's inability to do anything right. When LeBron realized he couldn't make a jumpshot to save his life, he resorted to his patented blind bull-rush tactics. Unfortunately for LeBron, he also couldn't make a layup to save his life. The Celtics then decided to pile into the paint and give LeBron free looks from the three-point line. He badly bricked every single wide-open shot. Good game plan, Celtics.

Most ridiculous part of game 2? With 6 seconds left on the game clock, the refs called travelling on the Celtics as they were walking the ball up the court. They actually blew the whistle and gave the ball back to the Cavs, who then had to walk out the clock themselves. Nice.

I hope the refs are such sticklers for the rules the next time LeBron shamelessly travels with 6 seconds remaining on the game clock. Jerks.

Something occured to me as I was watching Mike Brown's sideline interview during tonight's game:

And this despite leading the league in scoring. So who voted for LeBron, anyway? Hmmmm:

I have to comment on Kobe's MVP selection, which basically amounts to a lifetime achievement award. It's totally bogus. I don't care how good of a season the Lakers had. Kevin Garnett took a complete disaster of a team and turned it into the league's best team in a single season. In fact, it was the biggest single-season win/loss turnaround in the history of the league. How the hell did KG not get MVP for that alone? And I don't buy the "west is a tougher conference" bullshit. Who cares? KG was definitely the most valuable player in the entire league. If LeBron and Ray Allen went to the Heat next year and won 60 games (Dwyane Wade = Paul Pierce in this scenario), LeBron would win MVP with a 100% margin of victory in the voting. That's just the truth.

1. To place an unearned amount of hype on something without having any experience with said thing.

2. To elevate an ordinary and unspectacular thing or event to a level of great historical importance.

3. To be overzealously devoted to a person or idea based on the fact that the person or idea is constantly repeated by the hypnotized masses.

4. A member of Cleveland's NBA team, the Cavaliers, also known as the Lebrons due to the fact that media coverage leads most to believe there is no one other than Lebron James on the team and that he is solely responsible for EVERYTHING positive that happens to this franchise.

1. "Damn man, that spaghetti looks good from a distance, therefore, it's the best spaghetti ever."

"You haven't even tasted it, stop Lebroning!"

2. "Oh shit, did you feel that gust of wind!?!? Man, that must have been the hardest gust of wind ever!!"

"What are you talking about?? It's been windy all day, stop pulling a Lebron!"

3. "Iraq has weapons of mass destruction! Saddam is responsible for 911! Lebron James is the greatest basketball player of all time!"

"You're a hypnotized Lebron!"

4. "Hey man, did you see the Pacers-Lebrons game last night?"

"Yeah, I liked when that one Lebron with the blonde hair made that block in the third quarter."

LeBron, you are a crybaby. Cavs fans, you are a bunch of crybabies. That shit is a fact. And oh, the irony of people being big ol' crybabies reacting to a shirt calling their player a crybaby. Clevelanders need to start reading more literary works or something and grow a fucking sense of irony already.

Of course, Papa Johns apologized after being heckled by numerous crying, deeply offended crybabies. Saying stuff and then promptly apologizing the moment some crybaby starts throwing a hissy fit is a proud tradition in these great United States of America. Some jerkoff even started a petition. Righteous champions of justice, click here!: Boycott Papa John's!

So far, 235 crybabies have signed the petition...well, give or take a few crybabies. I don't think all of the signatures have been properly scrutinized:

Last word about the Wizards vs. Cavaliers rivalry - two out of the three series that Cavs have won were handicapped strongly in LeBron's favor due to injuries as a matter of fact. For the sake of argument, I'll give LeBron the first series because nobody on the Wizards was really hurt, even though you could easily argue that two of the Cavs wins were due to absolute trash and that was the difference (see early stuff on this site).

As far as the last two series go - bad calls, suspensions, cheating, and travelling aside - injuries were the most important factor, not LeBron's overwhelming skill. Gilbert and Caron were completely absent from the 2007 series. Enough said. This year, Gilbert was basically playing on one leg and Caron was obviously a wreck due the numerous injuries he had been carrying all season and that ramped up as he tried to compensate for Gil's absence down the stretch.

LeBron doesn't exactly own the Wizards, he owns a beat up, injured approximation of the Wizards.

Bad news, LeBron - ESPNBAvid Stern wants a Celtics/Lakers finals more than anything in the world. That's right - even more than it/he wants you, Chosen One.

Ever seen the commercial where LeBron is playing a defense lawyer and exposes some wheelchair-ridden guy as a faker by throwing him a basketball? If you haven't, you can watch it on the vitaminwater website. I just wanted to point out how perfectly absurd it is that the punchline of the commerical is "dude is a faker" when LeBron himself is the NBA's most shameless, pathetic faker. You know, irony and all that.

Let's go to the videotape. Game 6. LeBron appears to have been popped in the eye in the lane. LeBron wincing and contorting his face in pain for what seems like an eternity. LeBron blinking and scowling and rubbing his eyes. Cavs even take a timeout for King James to tend to his horrific boo boo. Replay time. Uh, yeah... LeBron wasn’t touched on the play. Unbelievable. Of course, many sportswriters' game recaps referred to the eye-gouge as if it were legit, some even worked it into some kind of LeBron perserverence theme.

What kind of a shameless crybaby goes through that much trouble for a phantom eye-gouge? It's one thing to play up something that actually happend. It's another thing entirely to go completely overboard playing up something up that never happend. Worst part about all of this? LeBron must have known that the replays would show him to be a liar and he still did it.

As if I needed it, even more ammo. Could this get any more ridiculous? Suspending Songaila for a little half-slap to LeBron is yet another obvious example of the NBA's protection of their little chosen one.

Listen to Marv Albert go batshit the very moment it goes down. It was as if he was hoping and praying for such a thing to happen the whole time. Way to whip yourself up into a frenzy, old man. What's the deal? Is the act of constantly represssing a perverted woman-biting fetish keeping you on edge? Chill the fuck out.

Definitely one of the lamest suspensions of all time, especially considering all of the non-suspensions as of late. What is this little bitch slap compared to the UFC-caliber elbow LeBron dealt Andre Blatche? Kobe and LeBron's elbows from last year's playoffs? Even Sideshow Bob's clothesline? Two of those events were even in this series, for crying out loud. Removing every obstacle from LeBron's path to the finals is the name of the game. Even if it's a backup forward on the Wizards.

So, another day, another heaping helping is added to the already sky-high pile of bullshit.

I should have passed the ball to Delonte West! Also, you gonna eat that aluminum can? Cause I'll eat it, is all I'm sayin'.

You’d think LeBron had a legendary game by his scoring line and the BS announcer talk. However, he shot 8-21. Not so good. And he made 15 of his 34 points from the line. Thanks, refs. Those five turnovers were also a nice touch.

The moments following LeBrick's missed layup were unbearably tense for me, let me tell you. Even when you beat LeBron James, you can't properly relish in the victory because you never know when the zebras might blow the super-late whistle. Caron's quote demonstrates this sad reality:

Butler said he celebrated late, after James' shot fell away and the confetti for victories stayed penned in the rafters, when he saw his teammates walking to the locker room. "I saw the Philadelphia game," he said.

Even with Z shoving a Wizard into the play to manufacture a foul (just as he did against the Sixers - nice try, asshole), the refs didn't have shit to go on. Wizards win game 5.

Alright. I'm sick of the feud, you're sick of the feud. However, for the sake of completeness, I'm going to provide one last round of updates.

Not that I’m a rap aficionado, but I can confidently say this some corny crap (refrain is "blow the whistle" followed by cheesy whistle sound effect).

In the first few lines, Jay Z, like LeBron, completely fails to grasp the irony of saying crap like:

Dude, you can’t say “I am not going to bother responding to you,” proceed to write a song, go through the trouble of driving to the studio and recording an entire track complete with goofy sound effects, and then include a lyric of "I am not going to bother reponding to you" in that very same song. It's self-contradictory. Whatever, I've beat this dead horse, so I'll move on. After that, the lyrics just get downright strange:

Whaaa!? Guess Stevenson better watch his chick around LeBron. Or something like that. Weird. Seriously?

Of course Jay Z opens with some crap about Brooklyn this and that. Obvious hint or what?

Okay, so now we have the Jay Z rap covered. Last item of business - I actually found the quote from DeShawn Stevenson describing the origin of the feud (from Scoop Jackson at espn.com):

"[LeBron] said something about my game. He said I'm getting a lot of hype this year, that he doesn't think I'm the good player I am and basically that I suck, our team sucks and we're not going anywhere. I took offense to that," Stevenson was quoted as saying in The New York Times. "If LeBron James never said that comment, we wouldn't have the rivalry we have right now."

Wow! Right on cue! Thanks for validating the shit that I just finished typing about you, David Stern. So, Stevenson is fined for a throat slash gesture towards the Cavaliers bench, huh? Funny, there is a COMPLETELY IDENTICAL situation in which LeBron did the SAME THING to the Wizard’s bench in a past Wizards/Cavs playoff series and, IMAGINE THAT, NO FINE. No foul, no tech, no nothing.

Seriously. For the love of fuck, this is ridiculous. The NBA is making it easy for me.

This is apples to apples, people. If this doesn't constitute absolute proof of shameless LeBron favoritism at the highest levels of the NBA, I don't know what does.

Let me talk to David...there has to be some kind of mistake. Do you know who I am?

Could I be any more of a douchebag without hanging out with the famous internet Heineken guidos? Nope.

April 29th – cheating to win = a noble virtue (for LeBron only) - all over the internet

Immediately after game four, sportswriters everywhere have been cranking out articles glamorizing LeBron's psychological victories against the Wizards. Many of the usual suspects, including Washington DC’s own Michael Wilbon, have joined in the fun.

Yes, there is trash talk flying everywhere and yes, LeBron has been on the winning side of things lately. In the NFL, winning can turn Randy Moss into a good teammate and Ray Lewis into a great guy. The same is true in the NBA, apparently, where winning can put you on the right side of things, especially when your nickname is The Chosen One and even AP articles refer to you as King James. Sportscasters will demonize and ridicule trash talk from Stevenson, Gilbert, and Haywood (Barkely, every single sportscaster on EPSN, Stephen A. Smith, etc.). Yet they will take trash talk or some other jerky behavior from LeBron and interpret it as some kind of cutting-edge psychological technique that demonstrates LeBron’s true competitive genius.

What these talking heads are really doing is actually promoting cheating or bad behavior as some kind of virtue. LeBron started the feud with Stevenson by trashing him to Drew Gooden. LeBron elbowed Andre Blatche in the face and started a fight with Brendan Haywood at center court. LeBron talks trash. LeBron shamelessly takes advantage of the special LeBron-only rules regarding traveling and charging as he lowers his head and blindly bull-rushes his way to the basket when his jump shot is failing him. And when he is called for a foul, LeBron has the gall to complain and whine about it. If somebody gave me a fifty dollar bill out of the blue, I wouldn’t whine and complain that they should have given me a hundred dollar bill. Dude is just spoiled.

Below is an exchange between Mike Wise, a DC area reporter, and David Stern. This conversation was televised on Comcast before game three of the series. I heard about it through the grapevine, but I wasn’t able to locate the actual clip on the internet. The best I could do is find a kinda-transcript from a DC area sports blog,
http://www.truthaboutit.net:

David Stern was on Comcast before the game talking with Russ Thaler and Mike Wise of the Washington Post...who was hitting him with some hard questions, albeit halfway in jest....such as:

Why does LeBron travel worse than Patrick Ewing in the 80s? Laughing non-answer. Or....
Why do superstars get calls? Evidently Stern can prove that this is not true with statistics, but doesn't have the time....yeah riiiight.

Nice. So the best Stern can do is laugh it off (awkwardly, I’m guessing) and refuse to acknowledge the question? That’s pretty telling. The way I see it, he got called out and was essentially rendered speechless, even in a friendly, half-kidding environment. He might as well have said: “Well Mike, because that’s the way the NBA like$ it. And because I am absolutely unwilling to do anything about it…that’s why.”

If anybody has this clip or an actual transcript, please email it to me. I’d love to see David Stern squirm with my own two eyes.

This is a fact - if every player in the NBA acted like LeBron James, the league would degenerate into a technical foul-ridden joke and everybody would be asking why the NBA is such a classless pile of crap. Or the league would degenerate into a no-holds-barred slugfest where fouls are never called and everybody would be asking why the NBA is such a classless pile of crap. Either way, David Stern should probably consider the long-term ramifications of allowing this LeBron-related bullshit to go down game after game, series after series, year after year.

"Awww," Haywood said in a whiny, high-pitched voice to mock James. "They are trying to hurt me."

Haywood, who was called for a flagrant-two foul and ejected from Game 2 after shoving James, believes it's time for Cleveland's superstar to stop complaining.

"I mean, come on man, this is the playoffs," Haywood said following Monday's practice. "He wears 23, he wants to be Michael Jordan, I can respect that, he's a great player. You saw what Mike went through. Mike got fouled way worse than this. No one is trying to hurt him, everybody is trying to play basketball, trying to play tough. Play basketball and leave it alone."

You see plenty of LeBron's whining by watching the broadcast of any Cavs game, even with the TV announcers shamelessly refusing to comment on it. It's apparent to anyone paying attention. That having been said, I'm sure Brendan Haywood witnesses three times as much additional LeBron whining when he's on the court. He’s able to see and hear every groan, complaint, and incredulous facial expression the camera misses. So, whatever impression we have of LeBron's crybaby BS is clearly only the tip of the iceberg.

What I'm saying is this - Haywood knows. In fact, seeing as how he has been thrown out of a game as a direct result of the cumulative effect of LeBron's whining, has been leg-humped by LeBron, and has narrowly dodged a punch to the nutsack thrown by LeBron, he's the most credible source available on the matter.

Of course, this article rushes to LeBron’s defense and leaves the impression that he is demonstrating remarkable poise and perseverance in the face of such vicious attacks and insults. The article provides some good quotes, but the rest of the article’s editorializing is pure party-line bullshit, even referring to LeBron as “King James.” It is interesting to note that this is an AP article, which you would think would be a little more objectively written.

If I wasn't lazy as hell, I'd photoshop a picture of LeBron's face superimposed on the body of a crying baby right here. But I am lazy…and it’s a little too obvious.

I'm sick and tired of this LeBron/Stevenson BS already. Most of all, I am sick of hearing the TV announcers repeat that shit over and over. It has gotten so bad that the network produced graphic overlays to explain the whole thing to the viewers during game four. Please, cut that shit out. When a couple of crackerjack TV announcers are explaining some rapper shit to you, it loses whatever mystique and coolness it might have had at that very instant.

So, to summarize - some DJ in a DC club played an anti-Wizards song from Jay Z prior to Sunday's game. Butler, who was the only Wizard to attend the party, felt slighted and left the party, rather than beat somebody up.

First off, that moron DJ needs to check himself before he finds himself spinning tiny-bopper hits in some Clevaland shithole or floating face down in the Anacostia. Hometown loyalty, asshole. Second, Jay Z pretty much undermined the whole "I'm too good to respond to insults from lesser chumps" argument by recording that dumb song, now didn't he?

A Village Voice blog entry sums up this nonsense better than I can, and gets to the essential core of Jay Z’s involvement in this whole fiasco:

Ah: To make this relevant to your life, Jay-Z is probably siding with Lebron here because he aims to woo the guy from Cleveland to Brooklyn in a couple years, just in time to join the relocated Nets, who will play in a fancy new arena whose construction will probably involve bulldozing your apartment.

Wow. A 36 point blowout. Worst in Cavaliers history, apparently. And the Wizards didn't need to victimize LeBron with hard fouls, elbow anybody in the face, or entice the refs to throw out the Cav's best big man to make it happen. Best of all, Soulja Boy was there to see the whole thing. Sadly, LeBron's good friend Jay Z was not able to make the game.

Best part of the game apart from Stevenson lighting it up? Caron Butler ripping the ball out of LeBron's hands, running the length of the floor, and dunking. Oh yeah, the constant booing every time LeBron touched the ball and the chants of "overrated!" when LeBron went to the foul line late in the game were also pretty satisfying.

Getting blown out in franchise record-breaking fashion - another fine addition to the ever-growing list of LeBron's accomplishements.

April 23 - Tom Knott of the Washington Times: shining beacon of truth, real American hero

As horrifying as the reality of this annual LeBron James playoff nightmare may be, there is at least one sportswriter who is willing to speak the truth. One free-thinking champion willing to rage against the shreaking horde of glassy-eyed sportscenter zombies, Stephen A. Smith-style jerkfaces, repetitive-ass analysists, and catch phrase-pandering television announcers: Tom Knott of the Washington Times. God bless you, sir. You are my hero.

I imagine that poor Tom has finally gotten to the point where he simply can't take the shameless LeBron nonsense anymore. Covering the Wizards for the Washington Times and watching the same shit go down for three years in a row has to be beyond painful. After game 1, he probably found himself at the same point I found myself two years ago when I was actually motivated enough to start up this dumb site. Tom matter-of-factly just puts it all out there in his column. Clearly, he has stopped trying to be a "good" sportswriter of the Michael Wilbon mold. I linked his two articles below. Read them. Then read some pro-Cavs articles from the Cleveland rag of your choice. Then compare both types of articles to ESPN or SI articles. Hmmm, funny how close the "objective" sports media outlets are to Cavs-centric hacks. And it's not like Tom Knott's columns are fueled by a blind love for the Wizards. He pulls no punches when it comes to trashing the Wizards for their crappy play in both articles.

So - here are the articles, read them for yourself (if the links have expired, just google "Tom Knott" and the name of the article):

First, Tom Knott calls out LeBron for that bullshit elbow from game 1. He brazenly suggests that...gasp...LeBron should be suspended for elbowing some guy in the face. Imagine that! So outrageous and controversial!

LeBron James should be suspended from Game 2 after being unable to control his inner bully yesterday.

James deposited an elbow in the face of Andray Blatche with 11 seconds left in the first quarter. He then twice threatened to drop an elbow on Brendan Haywood, first to his groin region and then to his face, after the two became tangled near the end of the first half.

In the second article, Knott focuses on Mike Brown's ridiculous argument that LeBron is a hopeless victim of a Washington Wizards' evil campaign of ultra-violence:

Brown said: "Washington has come out and said, 'Hey, they're going to hit LeBron. They're going to hit LeBron. They're going to hit LeBron.' You can't have grown men saying, 'I'm going to go hit somebody.' If that's the case, we, the NBA and the officials cannot allow anything to get out of hand, and they have to keep control over the game on both sides."

It also should be pointed out that the best blow delivered in the series so far was the one James administered to Andray Blatche in Game 1. It was a James-inspired forearm to Blatche's jaw that the three referees apparently missed, just as they miss the hop, skip and jump that James sometimes employs on his way to the basket.

Most importantly, Knott says what everybody knows, but nobody says...that the league tacitly (or possibly actively) encourages calls consistently favorable to LeBron:

This is not to endorse the notion the referees are persuaded by Brown's fantasy [that the Wizards are violent thugs out to get King James].

They are persuaded by the dictates of the league office, which in turn is persuaded by the marketing power of James.

And woe to the player who karate chops his head in the manner of Anderson Varejao taking down Blatche in Game 2.

I have a little warning for Cleveland fans: you worship LeBron James now, but you have created a monster. Precisely the kind of monster who would bail on his home team for more money, more glory, more whatever. He already roots for the Yankees at an Indians playoff game, you idiots. The more you encourage LeBron's bullshit now, the more it will grow like a weed, and the harder it will be to stomach when he turns on you. What are you going to do when LeBron shows up at Quicken Loans Arena wearing a Knicks jersey? What are you going to do when he elbows a Cavs player in the face? What are you going to do when eliminates the Cavs form the playoffs with a charge and a travel in the final seconds of game 7? Shamelessly root for this asshole at your own peril, morons.

So now Wizards are actually getting ejected for hard fouls on LeBron - fouls that are actually less violent than fouls committed on Wizards in the very same game (Varejao clotheslining Blatche in mid-air, some other Cavs dude wrecking Antonio Daniels mid-air, etc.). The Varejao foul was a flagrant 1. The foul on Antonio Daniels was just a regular blocking foul, I think. But Brendan Haywood grabbing LeBron's midsection mid-air - flagrant 2, instant ejection. Immediate talk of a suspension. Come on.

Caron Butler actually got called for a hand-checking foul on LeBron well after the game was completely out of reach (20+ points!). Watch it. It's a joke. Much like the elbow, there's no justifying this shit. Reggie Miller came *this* close to calling out the refs multiple times without actually going through with it. I know he wanted to, but he probably felt the collar around his neck tighten threateningly and had to back off. So he had to resort to the mildest possible "one could make the case that" type of innocuous bullshit comments. He pussed out, basically. Still, you could tell what he wanted to say, and that is something.

Son of a bitch. I don't know how you Cavs fans live with yourselves and take pride in these wins.

Here we go again. Again. Again. Again. Again, again, again. Again and again and yet again. The Wizards are living and reliving the same torturous hell for the third year running. Groundhog day combined with the twilight zone and a Nike commercial, narrated by the world's most annoying PA announcer.

TV announcers constantly making excuses for LeBron the moment it appears he is faltering ("he has a bad back"), ignoring his unconscionable turnovers and vicious fouls, praising him to the high heavens the moment he does anything good:

And, of course, refs shamelessly applying one set of rules for the Cavs, and an entirely different set of rules for the Wizards:

To use a clearcut example of this bullshit from game 1, and one that is clearly documented on film and not at all debatable, I will contrast Andre Blatche's rough foul on LeBron with LeBron's retaliatory elbow and the reaction from the refs in both cases.

Blatche's hard foul was probably intentionally aimed at LeBron and not at the ball. I'll assume that for the sake of argument. Blatche's blocking arm definitely whacked LeBron on the shoudler/neck/chest area. It happened during the course of a block while LeBron was driving to the basket - certainly a routine play on the ball and a common occurence in the NBA, playoffs or not. Blatche is called for the foul. Totally reasonable as it was clearly a foul. LeBron tears up a little, as is pretty standard, and throws a hissy fit. Whatever. Normal stuff.

A few minutes later, LeBron is fouled close to the basket and a defensive foul is called. I think it was a reach-in or something. Immediately after the whistle, LeBron, who is facing Blatch at this point, basically winds up and delivers an elbow directly to Blatche's face. Not the Bill Lambeer kind of elbow you throw when you're backing someone down, either. LeBron was facing Blatche. He had to extend his arm forward and reach out and up towards Blatche to pull off this elbow. It was an attack, basically. Reaction from the refs: nothing. No tech, no verbal reprimand. Not even a disapproving stare.

That actually happened. Watch it for yourself. Now consider this: if DeShawn Stevenson delivered a dirty elbow to LeBron's ugly mug, the NBA would have Stevenson sewing up LeBron James signature New York Yankees Tribute Nikes in Taiwan in the blink of an eye. NO reasonable person can possible come to LeBron's defense in this situation. Asshole Cavs fans, yes. Reasonable, sensible human beings, no. As has been demonstrated many, many times, LeBron is a total jerk. Like a teenage kid running wild without a father figure to lower the boom when appropriate, LeBron has been so spoiled and coddled by the ineffective parenting of the NBA, that he is now officially (and predictably) an out-of-control monster.

Blatche's reaction to an elbow smashing into his face: he slowly leans back, makes a funny "are you fucking serious?" kind of face, and just lets it go.

LeBron's reaction: Honestly, I have no idea, as I was seeing red, jumping up and down, and pouring myself another bourbon within two milleseconds. Bet it was some taunting bullshit.

Mike Brown's reaction: "I don't know if he did it or not," or some other such obvious bullshit. Really? Because you have the game tape, TNT has the game tape, sportscenter has the game tape, and youtube has the gametape. And you were there, probably less than 25 feet away. And since you are the coach, and LeBron had the ball at the time, I'm guessing you were watching.

So, let's recap: LeBron, hard-fouled in a playoff game, enraged that a lesser player would dare to foul him in such a manner in a playoff game, is completely unable to maintain his cool - even minutes later - and smashes the opposing player in the face. In start contrast, Blatche, who came to the NBA right out of highschool, was shot in the hand during a carjacking during his rookie year, and got busted by the cops soliciting a prostitute the following year, is somehow mature enough to keep his cool when the biggest asshole he's ever played against delivers a power elbow to his face.

Of course, in addition to all of this, there was the bullshit fight LeBron started with Brendan Haywood. Result: two Wizards technicals (Haywood and Jamison), only one for the Cavs (LeBron).

I'm not even going to get into the ridiculous charges and travels LeBron gets away with, because it's just plain obvious.

The TV announcers' talking points during the game (hand delivered by David Stern, no doubt):

- LeBron struggles through hard fouls, a back injury, and personal insults, carrying an incompetent group of bumbling clowns to VICTORY!
- King James is awesome
- Th Chosen One is Jordanesque
- The Wizards are jerks, Gilbert Arenas is a jerk, DeShawn Stevenson is a jerk
- LeBron is *NOT* overrated, in fact, he is *underrated* (one of the TV announcers actually said this during the game, by the way)

- LeBron is a big jerk and a cheater
- LeBron pouts and throws temper tantrums like a two year-old when he doesn't get his way
- LeBron cries/tears up a lot on the court
- LeBron is not even remotely Jordanesque, as Jordan was a six-time finals MVP
- LeBron, since I'm pretty sure he isn't the real king of anything or an actual god, is obviously overrated

I will demonstrate true cosmic reality of LeBron's existence with a simple mathematical equation:

LeBron + Nike + NBA + pussy-ass sycophant announcers + LeBron-coddling zebras + money + ESPN = heaping helpings of intolerable bullshit.

Also, I would like say a few things about the DeShawn Stevenson/LeBron fued the announcers kept harping on every five or six seconds.

First, DeShawn Stevenson was reacting to something LeBron said about him as relayed by Drew Gooden. So LeBron started it. Of course, this is glossed over.

Second, LeBron's comeback is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. To summarize (and paraphrase, cause I don't feel like looking this crap up):

LeBron, when asked about what he would like to say to Stevenson: "I don't respond to personal attacks. It would be like if some awesome rapper (Jay Z) were to respond to an insult by some lesser-known rapper (Soulja Boy)."

Okay, do you notice anything wrong with this nonsense? First of all, LeBron tries to claim that he's above all this personal insult crap, when in fact he was the one that started it all. But here is where LeBron looks like a total goat - what LeBron told that reporter was a response to Stevenson, so he contradicts himself right off the bat. Apparently he's not too good to respond to Stevenson. Not only that, it contained an insult ("I'm so much better than Stevenson that I can't even honor him with a retort"). Irony, doofus. EYE-RUN-EE.

Of course, nobody called him out on his faulty logic or the absurdity of the whole situation. Instead, they chose to spin it as "look how mature young LeBron is!" I don't completely blame them for letting it go, however...you never know when LeBron might smash his massive and powerful forearm directly into your face.

I haven't posted to this site in ages because, frankly, all the LeBron-related hysteria during last year's playoffs was actually starting to make my physically ill. So I took some time off. Besides, LeBron's ultimate failure (which I predicted, of course) was pretty self-explanatory.

However, I never stopped paying attention to the bullshit and just in time for the annual LeBron playoff-related hype escalation, I'm back to catch up.

A few general comments - isn't it interesting that LeBron is running away with the scoring title this season while his team has taken a serious dive? Kobe can't compete in this silly game because he has had the western conference playoff seeding to worry about and has mitigated his stat-whoreness for the sake of his team (as much as Kobe is capable of doing such a thing). This year's Cavs, even with the late-season trades to support LeBron's complaints (I'm not going to get into this), are clearly worse than they were last year, regularly giving up games to total goats. To give LeBron league MVP in this situation would be completely absurd. He is basically taking points away from his teammates to pad his stats. I'm oversimplifying this a bit, but generally, any reasonable person has to admit this is the case. In addition, LeBron's silly bravado continues to undermine his team. Anybody see the Cavs/Wizards game where LeBron tried for the three-point buzzer-beater down by two? Yeah, he totally bricked that thing off the front of the rim. And this after talking all kinds of smack to DeShawn Stevenson and Gilbert Arenas (who was injured and undressed). If he drove, he would have been guaranteed a foul call. There is nothing worse than talking a bunch of shit and failing miserably to back it up. But then again, that's what the entire LeBron universe is all about.

Also, Ray scored 14 points in the last three minutes of the game, including three monster three-pointers. Ray Allen clearly won the game for the East with a clutch 4th quarter performance, played with greater efficiently in all respects than LeBron, and scored more points.

In October, James drew the ire of many Clevelanders when he sat behind home plate boldly sporting a New York cap to Game 1 of the division series between the Yankees and Indians. It wasn’t just that James wore enemy colors, but he flaunted the despised interlocking “NY” logo by raising it high over his head, a gesture some took as a slight to the hometown Indians.

Wow. That's just terrible. But wait, it gets worse - LeBron, apparently without conscience, has the nerve to design an entire shoe line devoted to the Yankees:

Dominated by the team’s traditional blue-and-white color scheme, the Air Zoom LeBron V shoe features New York’s famed pinstripes as well as James’ No. 23, the number worn by popular Yankees first baseman Don Mattingly.

Also, under the tongue are the words: “Le-Bron Ja-Mes. Clap. Clap. Clap Clap Clap,” a nod to the cheer New York fans reserve for their beloved Yankees, and on the strap is the phrase: “Fresh for ‘08. Suckers!”

If I was a Clevand fan, I'd hate LeBron's guts. Fair weather fans simply can't be trusted as they clearly have no sense of loyalty. LeBron grew up in Ohio, yet he brazenly wears a metaphorical I [heart] New York shirt all over town. There is simply no excuse for this behavior.

James has been loyal to the Yankees since he was a kid. He’s also a big Dallas Cowboys fan.

New York Yankees and the Dallas Cowboys? Wow. As far as fair weather fans go, LeBron is in the 99th percentile. That takes some balls.

LeBron is going to the Knicks, Clevelanders, know this. You might as well prepare yourselves emotionally and start hating him now. He will betray you.

“LeBron has a great appreciation for New York City itself,” Wilkins said, “and this is just another tie.”

Oh my. What a life LeBron James lives, my friends. Step 1 - throw a crazy 23rd "runway" birthday party (whateverthefuck that means...). Step 2 - drink up. Step 3 - drive your car 101 in a 65 at 3 am. Step 4 - have the cops bust your ass. Step 5 - nothing. No consequences, no ramifications - not from the press, not from the sponsors, not from the team. Excellent. If ugly-ass Damon Jones pulled this shit, he'd have been hauled directly to jail and suspended a bunch of games outright. But not LeBron. From my wilder, younger days tearing around town in my early 80s 5.0 Pontiac Bonneville, I know that 25+ over the speed limit is automatically considered reckless driving. What's 36 over the limit? Should be something. No mention of a breathalizer, of course.

I said this when LeBron's moms got busted - where was the limo driver? Certainly, if there is a time to call the driver, it's the evening of a massive birthday bash.

“I’m not going to jail or nothing like that,” he said. “I wasn’t drunk. I was just speeding. That’s it.”

When James was asked if he will continue traveling at such speed, he said: “I don’t know, maybe at times. It’s not a big deal to me.

Also, if anybody knows where this LeBron James/Bobby Brown picture came from and/or if it is real (the lettering on the sleeve and the giant letters in the background make it seem at least remotely possible), let me know.

Also, take note that the birthday bash took place in New York - yeah, that's where he happend to be on his birthday, but come on. Think how much more money LeBron could make with a major market team. I can't wait to see LeBron in a Knicks jersey.

So LeBron sits out five games because of a boo-boo on his non-shooting hand. Nice. On one end of the sports toughness spectrum, you have Ronnie Lott, who willingly cut off his own finger so he could compete. On the other end you have LeBron James, who will find any excuse not to mess up his PPG stat. The Cavs lost all five games LeBron missed during this incredible display of wussiness. LeBron is the consumate team player.

I moved the rest of the crap to the "archives" page since this page was getting a little long.